Categories: Awesome British GuysBelgian AffirmationsBreaking The RulesNostalgia

The Curious Case of Bradley Wiggins

The enigmatic Bradley Wiggins

Brad Wiggins is an enigma. There is a lot about him that makes him easy to dislike. That mopey, Pete Townshend look on his face and mop hairdo are the low-hanging fruit in this case, with the length of his socks being there to round out the podium in a close third. Also, he dropped Bont for Giro, which is unacceptable mostly because the Giros make his feet look like dolphin flippers. And don’t get me started on the beard.

His Tour de France win in 2012 was probably the least interesting of this century; the standout memory from that event being the rumours of back-of-the-bus catfights between him and Chris Froome. I’m picturing something out of the broom scene in Fantasia, which almost makes up for how crap the actual race was.

When he targeted Paris-Roubaix this year I was haunted by visions of him sitting on some hideous throne while trying to hoist that beautiful cobble over his head. Fans at the roadside were waving WIGGO flags around that had a cobblestone on it, which made me want to stop and start drinking simultaneously.

I’ve never been a fan, but somehow I’ve always found him to be one of the most interesting characters in the peloton and one who I continue to have my eye on, watching for his next move.

I feel strongly that when someone is at the top of the sport, there comes with that a responsibility to lead and to be an ambassador. At the same time, I’ve always appreciated his unapologetic uneasiness with leadership and with being in the spotlight. He was also the first person in history to call the whole of the Cycling public both cunts and wankers in a single press conference, which is so wildly offensive that it kind of goes full circle to being funny.

He was born in Belgium. You have to love that. And he’s the only Grand Tour contender to target a cobbled classic since Greg LeMond, albeit not in the same year. Finally, he has a deep respect for the sport’s history, to the extent that he raced up the Ventoux with a photo of Tom Simpson in his jersey pocket in honor of his fallen countryman. Not to mention that he’s a bit of a fashion hound, striving to look as Fantastic off the bike as on it. Our personal tastes may differ, but at least he’s a Velominatus.

Finally, he’s the only one of the Time Trial Triumvirate of Faboo, Wiggins, and Der Panzerwagon to stake out the Hour Record as a goal immediately after the UCI modified the regulations, and went on to crush it, restoring honor to what was once one of the coolest events in Cycling.

In a modern Cycling model where the principle objective appears to be repeating the same feats as many times as possible, I find it incredibly refreshing that Wiggo seems satisfied with achieving a goal once and moving on to the next challenge with little thought of repeating. What’s next for Brad Wiggins? Sounds like he’s hoping for some Olympic shenanigans but who knows. He’s done that before.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ped says:

Aug 28 2015 at 9:21 am

Met an elderly Scottish Lady (a real one with a title), today -

Tattoos - they're for Sailors and tarts!
ChrisO says:

Aug 28 2015 at 9:31 am

@SamV

I'm sure no personal reflections were intended... nipple lube.

@Ron

I've had tattoos for a long time but until recently small-ish and not visible and I sort of forget about it.

I was in the gym just yesterday - I go down most days to do a 15 minute walk as part of the physio for my hip and the only thing I do is a brisk walk on the treadmill (it's 45C outside).

As I enter I see someone getting on the last free treadmill. Damn. But I'm in no rush and it doesn't usually take long for one to free up.

But before I settle down the guy who'd just got on sees me and hops off to offer up the treadmill. I've seen him there before, usually around the weights and machines, but never spoken to him. I say I'm happy to wait but he says No it's OK, he can do something else and he knows I only ever use the treadmill.

I thank him but then while I'm walking I'm thinking 'That's odd.' I mean I don't always wear the same kit, I'm only there for 15 minutes, not always at the same time either, and the treadmills face the wall away from the weights and machines. I recognised his face but how could he notice me specifically enough to know I only use the treadmills.

It wasn't until I was going back up in the lift that I caught sight of my leg and remembered I have a bloody great kirin (like a dragon) tattoo up the back of my calf, which would stand out like a tomcat's bollocks.
Nate says:

Aug 28 2015 at 9:55 am

@Josh Ustaran-Anderegg

Since Chris Froome’s Tour de France succes, I have learnt how to win a grand tour. His racing style was the complete oposite to that of Wiggins, it was agressive and majestic, unlike the monotonous circles and power meter calculations which Wiggns used to his succes.

As Master Yoda might say, you must unlearn what you have learned.
wiscot says:

Aug 28 2015 at 9:55 am

@Nate

@wiscot

British People in Hot Weather + Mr Pharmacist = Tommy Simpson?

You, Sir, have a cruel and strange sense of humor. No wonder you fit in so well on this site!
SamV says:

Aug 28 2015 at 11:06 am

@Ron

We’re all talking opinions here, since none of us are pals with him. (someone here has probably met him though) My opinion is that his tattoos and his bad haircut look stupid.

I like nice tattoos! I don’t like manufactured edginess, and that is how I read most folks these days with their entire arms and legs covered. It used to be a sign of an outcast (or at least outside the bell curve) and now, like so much, has been mostly co-opted. And that is what rubs me the wrong way.

I like genuine character and substance. Take Sagan. That guy seems genuinely like a loon, nothing fake about him, in my opinion. I’m definitely far from normal but, I like to let my behavior speak for itself…

You're certainly entitled to your opinion. I've got no personal feelings on his overall sense of style. I do have some rather large sideburns, but don't care who else does or doesn't. Like they say, there's no accounting for taste.

I obviously disagree with you on the 'manufactured edginess' angle. Maybe that's why some people do it, but the amount of work Wiggo has, I'm estimating at least 35-40 hours worth from what's visible, that's a lot of time and pain to manufacture an image. Yes, tattoos have certainly been co-opted, but that's the way of things isn't it?

Don't mistake quiet or aloof for disingenuousness. Some people have big personalities (Sagan), some seem almost entirely 'normal' (Froome) and some are something different entirely (Wiggins). I've been accused of being aloof, cocky and/or snobby at one point or another. Really I'm just not great at social interaction (groups of people make me anxious) so I stay pretty quiet. Maybe Sir Brad isn't either. Calling a reporter a cunt strikes me as a poorly conducted, yet entirely genuine social interaction.
Nate says:

Aug 28 2015 at 11:19 am

@wiscot

@Nate

@wiscot

British People in Hot Weather + Mr Pharmacist = Tommy Simpson?

You, Sir, have a cruel and strange sense of humor. No wonder you fit in so well on this site!

I worried a little about this being off color (or should I say off colour) but figured that the odds that a cycling fan would (a) be obsessed with The Fall and (b) find this offensive were pretty much nil.
John Irvine says:

Aug 28 2015 at 11:31 am

Another +1: he owns and hopefully rides a Lambretta SX200. I rebuilt and rode a TV200 for a while, and would love to chat with him about gearbox ratios.

<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://instagram.com/p/hQZquhzL7O/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Taken delivery this morning, thank you Fred Perry and Gran Sport</a></p> <p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A photo posted by Sir Wiggo (@bradwiggins) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2013-11-28T11:15:10+00:00">Nov 28, 2013 at 3:15am PST</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script>
John Irvine says:

Aug 28 2015 at 11:33 am

@John Irvine

Another +1: he owns and hopefully rides a Lambretta SX200. I rebuilt and rode a TV200 for a while, and would love to chat with him about gearbox ratios.

So much for my mad Instagram embed skillz. https://instagram.com/p/hQZquhzL7O/
universo says:

Aug 28 2015 at 12:26 pm

Whatever the case of Bradley Wiggins, I'll experiment with a Mahou mini-beer in my jersey pocket.
wiscot says:

Aug 28 2015 at 12:36 pm

@Nate

@wiscot

@Nate

@wiscot

British People in Hot Weather + Mr Pharmacist = Tommy Simpson?

You, Sir, have a cruel and strange sense of humor. No wonder you fit in so well on this site!

I worried a little about this being off color (or should I say off colour) but figured that the odds that a cycling fan would (a) be obsessed with The Fall and (b) find this offensive were pretty much nil.

I love The Fall. Anyone whose sense of humo(u)r sits within narrow parameters wouldn't like The Fall. I believe they are what is commonly termed "an acquired taste."

Wouldn't see this on MTV these days: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxDq5KKNVbA