Categories: Defining MomentsKeepers TourNostalgiaRantings from the V-BunkerThe Hardmen

The Curse of Hell

Badass. Just...badass.

Northern Europe is supposed to have crap weather in the Spring. By crap, of course, I mean wet. I call bullshit on that, because the last time I saw rain fall in Hell, it was 2002.

In 2002, Outdoor Life Network aired an hour-long broadcast on the history of Paris-Roubaix before airing full live coverage of the race. When the race came on, everything was covered in mud, even the lens on the television camera was spattered. The VMH and I looked at each other and said, “Why is it always raining during this race?”

So there you have it. I take full responsibility for causing every Roubaix since to be cursed by dryness. I’ve been doing rain dances, head-stands and seances every year since with absolutely no improvement in racing conditions. So this year, I’m trying another tactic.

I hope its dry this year. Mud is messy and I bet wet cobbles are downright unpleasant to ride on. They’re probably slippery too, and slippery roads can be dangerous. Just ask Fabian Cancellara. And muddy riders? They don’t look very tidy, now, do they? What would the sponsors say about that?

That settles it; it would be downright irresponsible to allow Paris-Roubaix to be held in Rule #9 conditions. Good thing, then, that its always dry.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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The Grande Fondue says:

Mar 8 2015 at 4:19 am

Speaking of curses, Gerrans broke his elbow in the Strade Bianche today - his first race back after breaking his collar bone.
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Mar 8 2015 at 10:17 am

Strade Bianche Eroica Pro 2015 (photo by me).
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Mar 8 2015 at 10:29 am

Strade Bianche Women Elite (photo by me).
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Mar 8 2015 at 10:46 am

If you wonder the girl is Lisa Brennauer the German Champ.
frank says:

Mar 8 2015 at 12:55 pm

@JohnB

Nothing like a bit of reverse psychology directed at Mother Nature.

Hey, if it works for kids...
frank says:

Mar 8 2015 at 12:57 pm

@jeffrey s

Stage 5 of last year’s TdF had some rain. It looked incredible.

You're going to want to go ahead and stay on the crown, I think.
frank says:

Mar 8 2015 at 3:29 pm

@unversio

Seriously awesome front fork happening.

I had been secretly hoping that Brett would install one on his Jaegher.
brett says:

Mar 8 2015 at 3:48 pm

@frank

@unversio

Seriously awesome front fork happening.

I had been secretly hoping that Brett would install one on his Jaegher.

Man, I'd love a Ruby fork... maybe on the Merckx rather than the Jaegher.
brett says:

Mar 8 2015 at 3:49 pm

@Pedale.Forchetta

Strade Bianche Eroica Pro 2015 (photo by me).

That is an awesome photo.
Beers says:

Mar 8 2015 at 5:28 pm

@wilburrox

@jb

@Teocalli

It ain’t all that often that I laugh out loud, but for some reason, this photo has me in stitches. Mother of god. Funny thing is, but for the cockups such as Museeuw experienced, that could have become a major evolutionary branch, rather than a dead end… Makes me wonder what we’ll think of our current mountain bikes, in twenty years.

That’s interesting thought yes. The last five years have seen super improvements in mtn bikes: weight and suspension. My current full suspension 29er rig is just under 24 lbs and that’s w/o carbon cockpit, seat tube and top of line components. And with the rear shock technology employed, it climbs like a mtn goat without losing any traction over rocks and roots and still maybe zero loss to inefficiencies from squish when pedaling. Amazing. My daughter’s 650b hard tail race machine we built up at 21 lbs on XS frame. And we could have easily (though expensively) got it well under 20 lbs. And where weight’s not an issue, with what’s being done with suspension tech on the looney tune downhill bombing bikes??

Don’t think similar is in store for road bikes? I’m guessing the engineering and technology is capable today of a full suspension road rig at close to the 15 lb weight limit. Might be one very expensive bike yes, but could be done. Obviously not necessary for regular roads. Good wheel/tire and pressure can manage any specific road surface. But for cobbles, fire roads, service roads, and even CX ? Plenty of opportunity.

Would have to be really rough to pay dividends for the loss of power transfer. The full squish mtbs are getting better, but rely on lockouts for climbing most often, and a lot of XC racing on MTB is still hardtail, just for the power transfer aspect. I reckon anyway.. but I do love technology pushing the envelope as well, so very willing to be proven wrong. Who's to say in future a super lightweight fully electronic active suspension like F1 of the early 90's couldn't work on a rough trail roadbike?