There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@Anthropologist Underground Allow me to clarify. I meant that style generally would matter less. My personal cycling style is an abomination, clothed or not.
@frank
Found here
@VeloSix
This topic is for an article of its own, but I feel strongly that taking a bronchial dilator prophylactically is, quite simply, doping - with or without a TUE.
I was doing it much of the winter because I get an attack almost every time I ride when its cold; finally the VMH is like, "You're taking it before you need it. How do you know you're not just improving your breathing instead of fixing a problem if you don't wait for the problem to show itself."
She's right, and I've stopped.
@Teocalli
I can tell you from personal experience that is, quite simply, utter bullshit. Sitting behind my computer right now with absolutely no issue breathing, I can take a few puffs and I will feel the difference.
Even if it doesn't' work on a completely expanded trachea, I'm willing to bet that 99.9% of athletes experience some contraction when exercising with or without asthma, which means that an inhaler will have an impact on breathing.
@Chris
But you are thick enough to think that (a) it has anything to do with using a mac and (b) that even though it has never worked before that it would somehow work now...? Just want to be sure we're on the same page.
@frank It seems to have worked on the Rules page, the picture is showing there despite having been copied from an email.
Are you saying that if I right click on an image on a web page and click save image the outcome would be different to right clicking on an image etc on a email displayed on a web page?
@Chris
Never question a Dutchman, especially not a Dutch Monkey. You *think* your pasting worked because you are logged into your email, so the photo shows up. If you'd like to share your credentials with everyone, I'm sure we'd all be happy to take a look.
Have a look.
Right-clicking and saving the image would have the same outcome, right-clicking and copying to your clipboard would have a slightly different outcome because of various bits of meta data that would be attached to a secured URL.
@minion
Yeah that makes a LOT of sense. Buy a $1000 skin suit (long armed so you don't have to shave your arms) with magic wind cheating properties, aero frame, $2000 worth of aero wheels, shave your legs but have a massive beard cartching the wind either side of your face....
At least he doesn't have an areo helmet but I'm guessing by the vintage of the photo they weren't around then
@Marko
I was taught thusly: "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all".
With that in mind, regarding your photo.... nice V-kit.
@Cogfather
Agree just buy her one, I ''Accidentally'' but a helmet that was to small for me I gave to my girl, the PRO-TEC went in the recycling bin easy
@frank
As am I (an Asthmatic) but does it really make a difference in heathly individuals? Does it really open up a non construicted trachea? I would have said no but then I have never taken Salbutamol when I didn't need it. My thought was if it's dialated, how can you furhter dialate it?