There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@Mikael Liddy
Thank you! They say a picture is worth a thousand words. The top four pictures are worth about about 350 lbs each.
@Beers
I'm a huge Vos fan. What's even crazier about this pic is that the other two walls are likely as full of trophies as the two we can see. Seems to be some very tidy organization going on as well. Love that she puts bidons on the shelf with the big trophies
Can't see her tweeting a pic of her lying around this room "just chillin'" Too modest and too cool.
@wiscot
This pic accompanied an interview with one of the cycling websites, though I can't be bothered to try and remember which one.
If I recall correctly, this room is actually at her parents' house, and her dad arranges and rearranges everything whenever she brings home a new trophy!
@KW
Usually Bicycling is a load of pish aimed at newbies. However, there was a very nice article on Ms Vos in the latest issue. Seems very level-headed and normal. Love that she keeps all her "stuff" at her parent's house. (Actually, if I remember rightly, she still lives with her parents and brother.) Reminds me that F1 champ Niki Lauda used to allow a local gas station to display his trophies! I saw a pic of Kelly's trophy room once too - seemed to be all crammed in there!
What's not to love about MV? No need to apply Rule 5 here - it seems to be in her DNA.
B: How do you talk yourself into continuing when you blow up so badly?
MV: Never give up. I've never stepped out of a race, and I want to keep it that way"”
B: Really? You've never abandoned a race?
MV: I've done it after a stage when I got ill. I've not stopped during. And I want to keep it like that. If I'm at a point where I really don't feel good and I got dropped, is there any use to go on? Yes. Because if I stop in this race, the next race it will be easier to stop again. Keep on going, there's people with way more problems with different things than riding a bike and having to go to the finish.
That photo of Vos with (some of) her haul is awesome. That must be thrilling for her parents to have all those trophies in their place.
Damn, never seen that photo of fat fucking American football coaches vs. futbol coaches. That is truly crazy. Imagine being a huge fucking fat ass and telling your players to show discipline? Then again, many of the players are obese. American football is so fucking bizarre to me at this point. College is insanely corrupt and yet, aligned with some of the best universities in the nation?! How fucked up is that? Pro is a corporate hoax to get people to waste 20 Sundays each year, eat environmentally and physically polluting fast food, and drink Coors fucking Light. Fuck that sport.
@Ron The "fuck" to word ratio was rather high but entirely on target. Not quite Scarface territory, but in the neighborhood.
@Ron
So I'm guessing that football, in any shape or form, isn't your favorite sport? (insert emoticon here) It's funny, I read something the other day that suggested the NFL need a development league like MLB has with the minor leagues. I thought, NFL development league? Isn't that what college football is? Maybe the writer had suffered a concussion when he wrote that . . .
@wiscot
Link to the interview; I don't read Bicycling but this is excellent.
http://www.bicycling.com/news/featured-stories/i-am-marianne-vos
@wiscot
as for soccer or football as we properly call it here - I mean how Merican call it football when they hardly ever put a foot to the ball - anyway this and other similar comparisons are doing the round and pretty much reflect the state of soccer.............