There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
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kixsand - ouch! Get well soon!
If it makes you feel any better, I've had something very similar happen. Rear wheel washed out in the rain, went down so fast I couldn't brace for anything. Smashed my eye, required stitches, left a scar and, worst of all, broke my favorite pair of eyeglasses. I still miss those. (I had a helmet on, didn't prevent my eyebrow area from smacking the ground hard._
@KW
She lives with her folks, but she owns the house. Her parents, her, and her brother all live together.
And that's her garage.
@sthilzy
Personally, I'd be embarrassed to have people think it was so easy to make my collapse in pain. The Spanish got their only goal against the Dutch through pretending to have been plowed into by a Dutch player inside the box. The guy was rolling around like his ball had been cut off with a cold butter knife.
The replay showed the two players never even made contact.
@frank
In all my years playing rugby and administering first aid the one thing that I found is that is the guy who is rolling around ain't hurt, it's the ones that hit the deck and don't move that worry you (and that's not because they are out cold). In fact in many first aid assessments I have done there is a setup of the person screaming and yelling who is actually not seriously hurt to see if it distracts you from triage and finding the ones who are seriously hurt.
Hold up a second - picking on a few instances of diving in the World Cup is like taking the Schlecks as examples of cycling hard men.
Yes it goes on but mostly it is picked up or has no effect and many many more minutes of football are played by genuine players trying their best within the rules and spirit of the game and doing it pretty successfully.
There are a lot of genuine injuries and a lot of contact and stress on the body. More so than cycling I would suggest. An average football player in a professional European league might play 50-60 competitive games in a year. By the age of 33-34 even the best are pretty much finished physically at the top level and many won't even last that long. You don't fake that.
You're also missing much of the point of football. It's not just about the game - in some ways that's merely coincidental. It's about the crowds and the atmosphere and the chants and the singing and being part of a mass of people acting and reacting as one. It's not manufactured by music or wound up by announcers - it's organic and spontaneous. Unless you've been part of it you can't possibly imagine it.
There's actually a strong tradition in football, certainly in England, that club comes before country. I care far more about beating our local rivals than I do about England winning against Uruguay. I don't give a shit about Wayne Rooney or Andrea Pirlo until the day they show up at Loftus Road in the blue and white hoops. (And before anyone laughs, if Krancjar hadn't been injured QPR would have had two players in the opening match of the World Cup).
The cycling comparison I would make is like the Tour. The occasional fan, the outsider, the corporate sponsor, the casual viewer think that the Tour de France is the be all and end all, just like the World Cup for football. The true fan looks forward to the Paris-Roubaix cobbles or the snow of Milan-San Remo with as much, if not more, excitement. I guarantee you won't find one in a hundred regular QPR fans who would swap our last-gasp down-to-ten-men winner in the playoff final against Derby for an England victory at the World Cup and I expect the same at any other club. The World Cup doesn't equal Football any more than the Tour equals Cycling.
@Ron
That's exactly how it happened with me....rain...too fast...corner...down in the blink of an eye! Hands didn't even leave the hoods.
@ChrisO
Oooh - don't get me started on the differences between Rugby supporters and Football supporters' behaviour!
@Teocalli
I used to go to Murrayfield in the late 70s, early 80s. Totally integrated supporters on the terracing (and we're talking 80,000+) Scotland vs England, France, I saw them all except S. Africa. No restrictions on booze being brought in - and I'm talking cases of beer, bottles of spirits, wasted folks being admitted having been in the pub until kick-off. No trouble at all. Maybe someone got wasted, but his mates took care of him. Now it's all seated, no carry-in, and tickets beyond the reach of most. (My Dad could take 5 of us to a game back then. Now that would cost a fortune). Good times.
@Teocalli
One difference is that they're called Rugby supporters.
@ChrisO
Ahh good point!