There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
You folically gifted bastards can cram it.
Great article and conversation.
I gotta say, I see some merit in the Giro New Road gear. I've tried the shorts, and they work well and look pretty good. Of course they're not performance gear, but fuck, riding around with your mates isn't performance riding. But passing the local bunch, goin uphill, on a steel bike while wearing 'baggies' is a pretty good feeling!
The helmets, well I'm not dead against them either. I've seen Air Attacks being worn around town and they work for some people. The Bell that Belkin have been wearing looks pretty good...
I think that low-key, sublimated kit is going to be the way of the future for anyone who doesn't want to look like a racer wannabe... maybe baggy won't be for everyone, but plain colours and no billboard-esque logos make sense.
@brett
And this is why I don't own anything Castelli, nice though some of their stuff seems to be. I don't wear regular gear with clothing brands written big on the outside, either, or at least, I won't until they start paying me to rather than expecting me to pay for the privilege.
@Frank - Wiggo is cool. Let's face it. We all know the story. He's one of the few guys in the peloton right now who's approaching anything close to a LeMond or Hinault as far as being a complete rider is concerned. Nobody else right now is even trying. That's class. Take or leave is style, that's subjective. The beard is fine. As for me - best helmet/shades combo I've had. Super light, full coverage on the melon and the field of vision. And I think it looks good and have fun wearing it. So yeah, say what you will. Then fuck right the fuck off.
@Marko this ^ seems to raise the this conversation to its subtle essence. Do we wear this stuff for practical and functional or for its style or both?
UhhMmmm?? I mean it's not that it's such a bad look, in fact it looks like, as you say, it's doing the job really well. It's just that with tech and design can't we have both?
I guess I've got to fuck off now...
Oh, spot on about Wiggo and beards are part of our bodies so that means it's personal choice - good or bad.
@Marko
I will admit, the Garmin POC helmets (Road version) is growing on me. This kinda scares me. The space goggles, not so much... but time may change that as well.
Unfortunately, the wide angle lens for your selfie doesn't do the helmet any favors....
@chippendale_rider
Best first post, your in!
@Marko
Did that furry animal get in through the vents?
@Marko A heartfelt thank you for completely turning me off of POC. I will now proceed to fucking right the fuck off.
And I thought the Smith Pivlock V2 were pushing it a bit...
@DCR You're welcome. I'd be willing to wager though if you tried one on you'd have second thoughts.