There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
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@frank Thank you, not the best squadra, but at least has some class.
@Puffy
See that raised arm? That kinda means that the beard didn't stop him crushing fools.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Eadie
@frank
Can you tell which country's press has been known to question the ability of a manager because he dares wear a suit on the touchline instead of a tracksuit?
@Mikael Liddy On the rare occasions I do watch soccer I often wonder what a manager is trying to prove by wearing a tracksuit on the touchline.
@Mikael Liddy
The other guy is giving him a push with his head.
Re asthma pumps: I'd take mine before a big effort perhaps; sometimes it flares up sometimes it doesn't, it's works in a preventative sense as well as a reliever and I was told to take it before exercise anyway.
Then again, that's more at the start of a ride for me - not sure if others with mild exercise induced asthma are the same. Sometimes, especially in winter, if I forget to take it before a ride the first hill/effort leaves me wheezing like an old man. Once warmed up later hills aren't so bad, or aren't bad at all.
When I'm not feeling it, taking the pump seems to make no difference anyway (obviously this is my perception rather than anything scientific!)
(mild asthma as in it's uncomfortable and wheezy and I have to stop rather than completely constricted panic)
@Teocalli I love the story of a flare up a couple of years ago in the Stoke change rooms where, on coming out of the showers post game, Tony Pulis (the manager who'd been in his tracksuit & boots on the sideline all game) started berating one of the continental players for not doing enough. The player turns & queries what the fuck was he needed a shower for, given all he'd done was stand in a 5m box & yell all day...Tony drops the towel, & while the player was distracted at the sight of the now nude manager in front of him, places a textbook headbutt square between his eyes.
Said player was transferred the week later.
@Harminator
Err, thanks... I think.
I guess if I'm going to wear a helmet I might as well go the whole way.
@ChrissyOne
The "photography problem" here is that a photograph was taken! But methinks Marko had the slightest inkling that such an image would arouse copious amounts of spleen-busting vitriol and is relaxing in Minnesota chuckling that the goal was achieved.
@Mikael Liddy
Ummmmmmm . . . . my guess is the country that considers itself the spiritual home of football that G*d favors and who have been cheated out of a repeat of 1966 by Johnny Foreigner (especially those Germans)? A country whose "Golden Generation" failed to win anything as a national team? A country whose top striker is a wee, fat, lazy, granny-shagging, bad hair transplant wearing, grossly overpaid twat? Am I getting warm?