The Cycle of Style
There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
@frank
The point I take as odd is where he claims he doesn’t use it all the time. But only before a big effort. Well what the fuck is that? You either have exercise induced asthma or you don’t, right?
I have the asthma that creeps up on me, about this most hated time of year, that I never really did anything about because it never reached the “I’m going to die soon” stages. (Which consequently is about the only time my dumbass goes near a medical professional to let them go around poking on me). Recently my allergist had me start using an inhaler pre-exercise, and while not a complete turn around for me, the statement by Froomie “…I only use it before big efforts….” causes me to raise an eyebrow.
@frank
I could be wrong but as I understand it the inhaler will not dilate a normal trachea and so does not benefit someone who does not suffer from Asthma. Pretty sure I read that somewhere a while back that was about the number of Pro riders using inhalers that actually do nothing for them.
Re inhalers………http://www.runnerslife.co.uk/support-team/medical/asthma-inhalers
@Marko
Subjectively the helmet is new, different, and looks sharp. Objectively it is a safe helmet too. May try it next when it is black.
@frank
Never realised these lenses were available , thanks , think I will get a pair.
I like the design of the POC helmets, but they are just so fucking BIG! No good for little faces like mine (and Marko’s)… *fucking the fuck right fucking off now, too.
@gaswepass Tifosi replacement lenses are easy to find, at least if you are prepared to violate Rule #58.
@unversio
Fabio Aru (l) – Guys, slow down or people will think we’re with that mario cart wannabe…
Prior to the other picture; Marco’s mates – Dude, Marco says he’s going to wear that fucking orange monstrosity on the group ride… …Really, I can’t make it today anyway, shame… …Me neither, I’m washing my hair…
@brett
Agreed. But I think @ChrisO would look fucking fantastic in one? We should all chip in and send an orange one to Abu Dhabi.
Might I respectfully suggest that my style would matter less if cyclists were to just strip off post-ride as the soccer players do.
@Anthropologist Underground Allow me to clarify. I meant that style generally would matter less. My personal cycling style is an abomination, clothed or not.
@frank
Found here
@VeloSix
This topic is for an article of its own, but I feel strongly that taking a bronchial dilator prophylactically is, quite simply, doping – with or without a TUE.
I was doing it much of the winter because I get an attack almost every time I ride when its cold; finally the VMH is like, “You’re taking it before you need it. How do you know you’re not just improving your breathing instead of fixing a problem if you don’t wait for the problem to show itself.”
She’s right, and I’ve stopped.
@Teocalli
I can tell you from personal experience that is, quite simply, utter bullshit. Sitting behind my computer right now with absolutely no issue breathing, I can take a few puffs and I will feel the difference.
Even if it doesn’t’ work on a completely expanded trachea, I’m willing to bet that 99.9% of athletes experience some contraction when exercising with or without asthma, which means that an inhaler will have an impact on breathing.
@Chris
But you are thick enough to think that (a) it has anything to do with using a mac and (b) that even though it has never worked before that it would somehow work now…? Just want to be sure we’re on the same page.
@frank It seems to have worked on the Rules page, the picture is showing there despite having been copied from an email.
Are you saying that if I right click on an image on a web page and click save image the outcome would be different to right clicking on an image etc on a email displayed on a web page?
@Chris
Never question a Dutchman, especially not a Dutch Monkey. You *think* your pasting worked because you are logged into your email, so the photo shows up. If you’d like to share your credentials with everyone, I’m sure we’d all be happy to take a look.
Have a look.
Right-clicking and saving the image would have the same outcome, right-clicking and copying to your clipboard would have a slightly different outcome because of various bits of meta data that would be attached to a secured URL.
@minion
Yeah that makes a LOT of sense. Buy a $1000 skin suit (long armed so you don’t have to shave your arms) with magic wind cheating properties, aero frame, $2000 worth of aero wheels, shave your legs but have a massive beard cartching the wind either side of your face….
At least he doesn’t have an areo helmet but I’m guessing by the vintage of the photo they weren’t around then
@Marko
I was taught thusly: “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”.
With that in mind, regarding your photo…. nice V-kit.
@Cogfather
Agree just buy her one, I ”Accidentally” but a helmet that was to small for me I gave to my girl, the PRO-TEC went in the recycling bin easy
@frank
As am I (an Asthmatic) but does it really make a difference in heathly individuals? Does it really open up a non construicted trachea? I would have said no but then I have never taken Salbutamol when I didn’t need it. My thought was if it’s dialated, how can you furhter dialate it?
I don’t know what goes into your asthmatic’s inhalers, or what comes out of them, but about ten years ago I had a case of bronchitis and got a big phatty albuterol inhaler for my trouble. Had a few doses left in it after I got better. Really fun to have a big pull and feel the turbocharger kick in. I wasn’t competing with anybody so I didn’t feel bad about getting a boost until the well went dry.
@unversio
Don’t despair all. When I head out to MN for the Heck of the North I’ll be having a word with that lid. I’m planning on crushing it, running it through a chipper and burning the rest. I’ll put the remains lovingly in a Urn, and give it back to @Marko (it’s not mine, so I can’t, nor want to, keep it). To prove I’m not a complete animal (asshole), I’ll even bring a proper replacement lid, free of charge to our Keeper.
Everyone strays from time to time, even the Pope. Just needs to be some penance.
@ Marko
Have you considered adding a less fisheyed photo of that helmet from a more flattering angle to the conversation? I’m seeing this as largely a photography problem.
And cherish those wide paved shoulders you get to ride on. ;P
@ChrissyOne
When your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Just gonna pop home at lunch time to grab the VMH’s inhaler and give it a try. Let you know if my speed in front of the Dell improves.
May be handy for tomorrow mornings 6am ride in the pissing rain and wind though !
What damage could it possibly do ?
@Pedale.Forchetta
This one’s for you, brother.
@PeakInTwoYears
I also have a staple gun.
@PeakInTwoYears
Holy fuck. Totally forgot about this: I had walking pneumonia about 4 winters ago and was incapacitated for the better part of a month. As was the wife which was a blast with 2 boys under 4. Anyhow I was prescribed a frooomiam salbuterol inhaler. It was rather useful on the First Ride Back after being bedridden for quite some time. Of course, I was not ready for such jet fuel and on the Second Ride Back, again under the influence, face met chip seal. There ended my PED experiments. How those things are not on the banned substance list is beyond me.
@ChrissyOne
Yeah thats not helping any is it, They don’t look that bad I guess on someone with a large frame, Still say the shell size is way to big
@frank Thank you, not the best squadra, but at least has some class.
@Puffy
See that raised arm? That kinda means that the beard didn’t stop him crushing fools.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Eadie
@frank
Can you tell which country’s press has been known to question the ability of a manager because he dares wear a suit on the touchline instead of a tracksuit?
@Mikael Liddy On the rare occasions I do watch soccer I often wonder what a manager is trying to prove by wearing a tracksuit on the touchline.
@Mikael Liddy
The other guy is giving him a push with his head.
Re asthma pumps: I’d take mine before a big effort perhaps; sometimes it flares up sometimes it doesn’t, it’s works in a preventative sense as well as a reliever and I was told to take it before exercise anyway.
Then again, that’s more at the start of a ride for me – not sure if others with mild exercise induced asthma are the same. Sometimes, especially in winter, if I forget to take it before a ride the first hill/effort leaves me wheezing like an old man. Once warmed up later hills aren’t so bad, or aren’t bad at all.
When I’m not feeling it, taking the pump seems to make no difference anyway (obviously this is my perception rather than anything scientific!)
(mild asthma as in it’s uncomfortable and wheezy and I have to stop rather than completely constricted panic)
@Teocalli I love the story of a flare up a couple of years ago in the Stoke change rooms where, on coming out of the showers post game, Tony Pulis (the manager who’d been in his tracksuit & boots on the sideline all game) started berating one of the continental players for not doing enough. The player turns & queries what the fuck was he needed a shower for, given all he’d done was stand in a 5m box & yell all day…Tony drops the towel, & while the player was distracted at the sight of the now nude manager in front of him, places a textbook headbutt square between his eyes.
Said player was transferred the week later.
@Harminator
Err, thanks… I think.
I guess if I’m going to wear a helmet I might as well go the whole way.
@ChrissyOne
The “photography problem” here is that a photograph was taken! But methinks Marko had the slightest inkling that such an image would arouse copious amounts of spleen-busting vitriol and is relaxing in Minnesota chuckling that the goal was achieved.
@Mikael Liddy
Ummmmmmm . . . . my guess is the country that considers itself the spiritual home of football that G*d favors and who have been cheated out of a repeat of 1966 by Johnny Foreigner (especially those Germans)? A country whose “Golden Generation” failed to win anything as a national team? A country whose top striker is a wee, fat, lazy, granny-shagging, bad hair transplant wearing, grossly overpaid twat? Am I getting warm?
@Teocalli
Oh don’t get me started. It’s like baseball managers wearing full player gear. Really? I hear tell it’s because in the dark ages the manager might be called upon to actually play if so required. As we now live in an age when an all-star game was declared a tie because both teams had “exhausted” their rosters, yet the managers didn’t take the field to break said tie, I think we can declare the practice obsolete. That being said, would you want to wear a nice suit in a dugout where copious amounts of baccy juice are being expectorated and gallons of gatorade are sloshing around?
Another thing: the NFL would certainly disapprove of how Saint Vince Lombardi comported himself sartorially. When Bill Belicheck’s dress code is deemed acceptable, you know the standards have slipped beyond redemption.
@Marko
I was thinking about this the other day, and it isn’t really true anymore since COTHO left.
Respect to Wiggo for doing Paris Roubaix, but lots of his rivals are better rounded than he is.
Cadel, JRod, Valverde, Nibali – they have all either nearly won or won both monuments and Grand Tours. Maybe none have done Paris Roubaix, but you’d have to say even Nibbles (1st, 2nd, 3rd Giro, 2nd Vuelta, 3rd Tdf, 2nd LBL, 3rd Milan-San Remo, 4th World Champs) matches up well against Wiggins (unless he gets extra points for track stuff).
LeMond is on a different level, but mainly because 3 Tours and 2 WCs is awesome. He never actually won a monument (though he did get pretty damn close).
Really good all round riders are very rare. Hinult, Kelly, Maartens, Merckx, Mangi, Bugno, Coppi
@The Grande Fondue You and Frank should read more carefully. I said Wiggo is the only rider who’s approaching anything close to Lemond or Hinault. There’s some pretty clear qualifiers there. What’s more, Cadel, Nibbles, JRod et al are great riders but they ride courses that suit them well. LBL, MSR (at the end), the last couple world’s courses, have all suited riders that climb and bike handle well over punchy terrain. Wiggo has adapted and changed to a greater degree. He’s lost weight, gained weight, learned to climb, TT, adapted his track technique to the road, used his power to ride the stones. We’ll never see the likes of Hinault, Lemond, Kelly again in the peloton I’m afraid. But when guys like Wiggo honor the traditions and history of our sport by going out there and making a solid effort in that vein that’s cred. The point isn’t even that he wins (especially in this day and age) it’s that he’s in the mix, factoring, making shit happen. Plus he gives a good interview, plays the guitar, and seems to be having fun. I think the guy is cool and am very happy that I never hung my hat on Frandy.
@Wah-Balls
FWIW, my balls are average as near as I can tell. I just know good gear when I see it and prefer to define my own happiness rather than letting others do it for me.
@Mikael Liddy
Even the plane had more class. Shame.
@Marko
Agreed. That’s why I’m excited to see how Cav’s career pans out. Look at his palmares: WC Road Race. Points jerseys in all three GTs. Perhaps leader’s jerseys in all three this summer? Stage wins in all three GTs. A monument win. British RR champ. Track success. Tons of minor races. Missing? Olympic gold. Do I think he’ll become a climber? No. Do I think he could win Roubaix and Flanders? Yes. Could a wee chubby kid from the Isle of Man become one of the greats? Yes. I believe he has the drive and ambition and is a scholar of the sport. He knows what he can achieve and if he has the right team to help him, he can do it. I’m always frustrated at how much Robert Millar coulkd have achieved if he hadn’t been with Peugeot or Fagor.
One more wee rant. Froome rails against doping and demands more testing. He’s really not helping the cause by suddenly taking puffs from his inhaler mid race. It might not be outside the letter of the law, but it sure looks bad. What next, all the climbers in the tour whip out their inhalers at the foot of the last climb? Domestiques getting sent back to the team car to fetch their leader’s inhaler? Before or after, not during, and with a TUE.
@Marko
Wow…greatest post in the History of Velominati. Marko makes more sense in one post than Frank makes in an entire interwebs. The POC is god awful though sorry to say.
Anyone wondering about asthma, inhalers and the peloton should read Phil Gaimons book.
@frank
This is an interesting perspective. I can’t say I think the same thought, or even that I disagree either. Inconclusive data…. I do know, that I’m happy to not spontaneously have to pull off to the side and watch my ride mates ride away while I try feverishly to breathe (and be pretty much completely wrecked after such an episode). I also know that I’ve not suddenly showed up to ride, and be faster than anyone else I wasn’t already faster than previously.
@Marko
Outside of Wiggo claiming to be the great clean hope for US cycling fans, here to rescue us from the treachery of Pharmstrong, I’ve enjoyed watching him. Whatever the drama is at Team Sky, I think he’s getting the shaft not being included on the tour team. It kinda puts me in the “anyone by Sky camp”. Not that I have any loyalties to Wiggo, it just seems like BS to me.
@Marko
Awesome — may have decided to hang this artwork at service course.