The Cycle of Style
There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
Another reason ‘Muricans suck at futbol.
Our elected leaders can bullshit entire nations into unnecessary wars, but our soccer players can’t even convince referees to hand out little cards.
Teocalli – I love the sport of futbol, but I definitely hate the diving. That has to stop. But I also find it comical that some say soccer dudes are soft. Some are. But, there isn’t a lot of contact in cycling and many cyclists are tough as hell. I don’t understanding the faking of injuries. Yep, I’ve always followed the code that you pretend you aren’t hurt, no matter what, lest let your opponent think they’ve got you.
I like a few sports, and there are problems in all of them. Cycling, pretty obvious there. Ice hockey. I hate all the hitting to the head, driving guys into the boards, etc. that goes on in the NHL. And then people say it’s “old time hockey.” Bullshit.
wiscot – I think the NBA and NFL both need to set up developmental leagues. (Yeah, the NBA D league isn’t one.) To me it is absolutely crazy how many top-notch schools are absolutely selling their souls for good sports. As a former collegiate athlete and likely a future college employee (teaching/research), it just makes me sick how corrupt those two sports are and how crazed people are for them. I do not believe big-time college sports have any business being part of a college/uni atmosphere. And, I actually played high school football, but what college and NFL football have become is insane. One is totally corrupted, the other is a huge corporate orgy that I see as a major part of what is wrong with U.S. culture and values.
Anyway, my apologies. Nice stage of the Suisse today and wow, Germany is looking strong in the World Cup. (not that I think cycling or futbol are totally pure, I just think they do have some redeeming values.)
@Teocalli
Yes! I COMPLETELY agree. I LOVE professional futbol but hate, FUCK’IN HATE the diving bullshit that goes on. They should immediately review that shit and Red Card the fucker if found to have dove/dived(?). That would clear that shit up immediately.
Take anyone who does not follow futbol and then watches during World Cup–what is their biggest complaint? The diving and I don’t blame them.
Had to repost the photo, though as it had my “favorite” diver in it. Ronaldo. Do NOT like that Fucking guy at ALL!
@Ron
Wait, so there’s a problem with a state school paying its football coach $6.9 million a year? That at a lot of big schools the (insert sport here) team coach is the highest paid person on campus? (Is there an emoticon for disgust, sarcasm?)
Yeah, so, so sad to see Ronaldo’s team getting there arses kicked by Germany. So, so very sad. I agree, watching how easily and quickly some players fall over, you’d think they were auditioning for olympic diving.
I read the Vos interview and then watch football/soccer and think the words sporting, class, and professional only apply to a young lady from Holland.
Funny how no footballer names from Operation Puerto were ever released . . .
@wiscot No shit about the Operation Puerto. Spanish futbol is HUGE money, much bigger than cycling in Spain. Besides Messi, who has a TUE for HGH (smiley face here-although he did use it for years for legit severe HGH deficiency) players in that league, hell probably all leagues, are so fucking juicing and HGH’ing.
Still love the sport, though. Cannot help myself.
@Buck Rogers
Buck, I long for the days when at the end of a game (football, soccer, baseball, basketball, tennis) the final whistle goes and 2/3 players at random are nabbed by drug chaperones and escorted to the drug control tent for a wee sample. Won’t happen of course, as each governing body is shit scared as to what would turn up. AND they’d also have to run the same extensive range of tests cyclists get subjected to. Oh, and while I’m at it, lets have LeBron James, Ryan Braun, Drew Brees and Andy Murray woken up at 7am for an unannounced test too – multiple times a year in and off season. I can hear the squeals of protest right now!
That Wayne Rooney’s hair is totally juiced for starters.
@Buck Rogers
Yes! I COMPLETELY agree. I LOVE professional futbol but hate, FUCK’IN HATE the diving bullshit that goes on. They should immediately review that shit and Red Card the fucker if found to have dove/dived(?). That would clear that shit up immediately.
Take anyone who does not follow futbol and then watches during World Cup-what is their biggest complaint? The diving and I don’t blame them.
Had to repost the photo, though as it had my “favorite” diver in it. Ronaldo. Do NOT like that Fucking guy at ALL!
They should introduce citing as they have it in Rugby post the came a complaint can be lodged by the opposition or the independent ref and it is then reviewed and retrospective suspensions/fines etc imposed post game. Would sort it in a flash but too much money involved sadly.
I just bought one of the POC Onyx lids in white. The purchase was prompted by a crash in which I managed to smote my cheek just under the eye upon the pavement, giving myself a world class shiner and a concussion of sorts to boot. My ordeal made me somewhat less fussy with the look of the lid in favour of the perceived safety advantages of this helmet. And, I really don’t think it looks bad in white – although I did notice that the design of the straps make it impractical to ride with the shades outside of the straps…
My shine…
@Teocalli
Rule V right there!
kixsand – ouch! Get well soon!
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had something very similar happen. Rear wheel washed out in the rain, went down so fast I couldn’t brace for anything. Smashed my eye, required stitches, left a scar and, worst of all, broke my favorite pair of eyeglasses. I still miss those. (I had a helmet on, didn’t prevent my eyebrow area from smacking the ground hard._
@KW
She lives with her folks, but she owns the house. Her parents, her, and her brother all live together.
And that’s her garage.
@sthilzy
Personally, I’d be embarrassed to have people think it was so easy to make my collapse in pain. The Spanish got their only goal against the Dutch through pretending to have been plowed into by a Dutch player inside the box. The guy was rolling around like his ball had been cut off with a cold butter knife.
The replay showed the two players never even made contact.
@frank
In all my years playing rugby and administering first aid the one thing that I found is that is the guy who is rolling around ain’t hurt, it’s the ones that hit the deck and don’t move that worry you (and that’s not because they are out cold). In fact in many first aid assessments I have done there is a setup of the person screaming and yelling who is actually not seriously hurt to see if it distracts you from triage and finding the ones who are seriously hurt.
Hold up a second – picking on a few instances of diving in the World Cup is like taking the Schlecks as examples of cycling hard men.
Yes it goes on but mostly it is picked up or has no effect and many many more minutes of football are played by genuine players trying their best within the rules and spirit of the game and doing it pretty successfully.
There are a lot of genuine injuries and a lot of contact and stress on the body. More so than cycling I would suggest. An average football player in a professional European league might play 50-60 competitive games in a year. By the age of 33-34 even the best are pretty much finished physically at the top level and many won’t even last that long. You don’t fake that.
You’re also missing much of the point of football. It’s not just about the game – in some ways that’s merely coincidental. It’s about the crowds and the atmosphere and the chants and the singing and being part of a mass of people acting and reacting as one. It’s not manufactured by music or wound up by announcers – it’s organic and spontaneous. Unless you’ve been part of it you can’t possibly imagine it.
There’s actually a strong tradition in football, certainly in England, that club comes before country. I care far more about beating our local rivals than I do about England winning against Uruguay. I don’t give a shit about Wayne Rooney or Andrea Pirlo until the day they show up at Loftus Road in the blue and white hoops. (And before anyone laughs, if Krancjar hadn’t been injured QPR would have had two players in the opening match of the World Cup).
The cycling comparison I would make is like the Tour. The occasional fan, the outsider, the corporate sponsor, the casual viewer think that the Tour de France is the be all and end all, just like the World Cup for football. The true fan looks forward to the Paris-Roubaix cobbles or the snow of Milan-San Remo with as much, if not more, excitement. I guarantee you won’t find one in a hundred regular QPR fans who would swap our last-gasp down-to-ten-men winner in the playoff final against Derby for an England victory at the World Cup and I expect the same at any other club. The World Cup doesn’t equal Football any more than the Tour equals Cycling.
@Ron
That’s exactly how it happened with me….rain…too fast…corner…down in the blink of an eye! Hands didn’t even leave the hoods.
@ChrisO
Oooh – don’t get me started on the differences between Rugby supporters and Football supporters’ behaviour!
@Teocalli
I used to go to Murrayfield in the late 70s, early 80s. Totally integrated supporters on the terracing (and we’re talking 80,000+) Scotland vs England, France, I saw them all except S. Africa. No restrictions on booze being brought in – and I’m talking cases of beer, bottles of spirits, wasted folks being admitted having been in the pub until kick-off. No trouble at all. Maybe someone got wasted, but his mates took care of him. Now it’s all seated, no carry-in, and tickets beyond the reach of most. (My Dad could take 5 of us to a game back then. Now that would cost a fortune). Good times.
@Teocalli
One difference is that they’re called Rugby supporters.
@ChrisO
Ahh good point!
@wiscot Ditto at Twickers. One year for England v France we took in a trestle table, keg of beer, gas bottle, beer tap and a box of glasses as set up on the terrace. The French supporters started producing wine bottles from their overcoats “You share our wine we share your beer?” Great party – as far as I remember…….
@ChrisO
Looks like you forgot your “taking the piss” pills this morning.
In all fairness, its a great sport and I’ll watch it any chance I get.
@frank
No I wasn’t taking it particularly seriously, I just figured that not many people here would have insight into British or European football culture, as opposed to the game itself experienced on television.
@ChrisO @Teocalli
Bloody hell boys! First an article on trying not to drown in a boat goes up on the site and now an in depth dissertation on the fanatical fans of football.
@sthilzy Thank you for bringing it back on topic.
Let us now return to extolling the virtues of the Divine Ms. V and discussing how to find a casque that looks fantastic.
@DeKerr
Let us now return to extolling the virtues of the Divine Ms. V and discussing how to find a casque that looks fantastic.
So is that encouraging more entries in @Marko and @Frank competition on helmet selfies? I fear for the consequences of that.
@ChrisO
I learnt everything I needed to from Rise of the Foot Soldier??
(JK, lifetime player here, knee issues led to the bike. And for what it is worth, the theatrics suck ass, but the reasoning is obviously a tactical play to retain/regain possession and obtain a set play such as a pen or spot kick. Ruins the game, but also can create the most magic moments with the set play goals. The NBA calls those same types of plays a flop)
@wiscot Surely a day out at Murrayfield can’t be that expensive these days. I don’t think it would be controversial to say that Scotland are so shite that no one will pay Twickenham prices to watch them.
I also went to Murrayfield a lot in the 80’s with school. Happy days. Except maybe the day a couple of us sold our tickets, brought a half bottle of voddy each and started taking the piss out of all the Irish fans around the Haymarket. Turned out it was a trainload of Celtic fans from Glasgow.
However we got here, I’m just glad I have reasonable cause to finally post this:
@Chris
Chris, Good point on actually paying to see Scotland’s rugby team. Same goes for the fitba team too. I’m not sure what 5 briefs for Murrayfield costs these days, but a quick search on the interwebs says briefs for Tonga for next year are around 50 quid, the All Blacks near a hundred. 5 of those will dent the bank balance!
Glad to see you survived your “encounter” with the Hoops fans. Could have been dangerous!
@frank
Easy folks. I’m just poking the bear, or perhaps the Badger, with a stick. I think the real issue is the extreme specialization of modern elite athletes and I remain unconvinced that even Merckx all-around skills could win 525 races in the 21st Century. Undeniably, Wiggins and a few others (yes, we count Cadel’s MTB career wins) demonstrate those same all-around skills.
Oh, and surely no one thinks Wiggins has given up on his “other” ambitions as a GT rider by riding the cobble stones this spring? Of course not (his TdS performance aside). He still has to be considered one of the top five or ten GC riders in the peloton, even while considering a return to the track for the 2016 Olympics.
@Beers
Around half a watt is the difference a beard makes. That’s less than not lubing your chain every ride, carrying a bidon, and being as fat as I am. (Its winter and I’m living in one of the coldest parts of Australia). It’s negligible in terms of the awesomeness of having a beard (which is also, incidentally, shit I can get away with now I’m married).
It also seems that Pez reads Velominati, beards in the bunch…
http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/page/latestnews/?id=129713
@minion
Simple….just lube the beard and all will be well!
Look who’s wearing an orange POC helmet;
From Greg LeMond’s Facebook page.
@Minnesota Expat
Maybe it’s Marko’s helmet? Maybe he and LeMan are hanging out up dere in Minnesota? A little POC community?
@wiscot
I think so. A pod of POC wearing cyclists. Here’s a another one. That’s a bridge over the Mississippi River in Minneapolis.
Also from Greg LeMond’s Facebook page.
@Minnesota Expat
Wow, those are some white legs. First day for riding without tights on in Minn.
@Gianni
Yeah. That was the first thing I noticed, before the orange pumpkin helmet. But we have to cut them some slack, they had a miserable winter and got pounded this year*. Still, you’d think a Minnesota winter training regimen on a trainer would include a sun lamp.
* It gets worse. That bridge is connected into a system of bike paths and lanes that run along the river at the foot of those cliffs (see Frank’s article on the legacy of Jim Oberstar). That’s the U of M hospital on the cliff behind the guy in the picture. The same cliff that recently collapsed in torrential rains and buried aforementioned road, bike lanes and paths under 10′ of mud.
@minion
I thought the govt blocked the ACT’s marriage equality laws? If not, my congratulations to you & Marcus.
@Mikael Liddy It was easy to convince the authorities that Marcus was a woman. I just had to make them look at him.
@Minnesota Expat
Ditto on that nasty winter remark. It’;s almost July and I’m just getting some respectable tan lines going here in Wisconsin. The poor buggers in MN had it worse than us!
Nice bike in the picture though, but I have my reservations on the white hoods.
It is somewhat gratifying to see that all cyclists are somewhat thoughtful and sensible. The cycle of Style article is an excellent example of this. The article should open our awareness to the problem of style and how it insidiously creeps into our lives. Recently in Philadelphia as part of the festivities of a major race, there were races of various age groups, however short, girls in one and boys in another. Neither group were yet to the level of racing, and were out there to show off there street stuff. When the bell rang, the girls shot off whizzing somewhat chaotically (I suppose you could call it holding a line however sinuous). The finish line was met with deliberate speed faces intent with strain. The boys race was from a functional and fashionable perspective an embarrassment. When the bell rang the boys too shot off, but not more than 10 m from the start it looked like all of them let out their drag chutes. The only problem was that there was another 990 m to go. I am not sure what sort of statement they were trying to make, but if it was a fashion one, I missed it. At the finish, the boys red faced and sweating could barely amble a centimeter beyond before they collapsed with exhaustion. The time? The girls blew away the boys by at least 20%! (I was embarrassed, because, while I would never admit it if it happened, I would have never let a girl beat me at anything.)
What was going on here? It is obvious to any cyclist that ever turned into a head wind. The girls either due to fashion (unlikely foresight) wore tight fitting shorts that clinged to their upper legs allowing them to slice through the air with ease. The boys apparently more concerned with fashion than speed, wore light weight shin length billowing pantaloons of the sort donned by members of the NBA. Did anyone see this coming? Are we now at an era where fashion trumps performance? Apparently so. Earlier this year at the famed Penn Relays, the grade school girls consistently our ran the boys by seconds in the 4×100 relay. Why? … fashion.
I just had to get this one out. The article hit a nerve.
I am not tracking. And I’m having trouble keeping the Faustos (Fausti) sorted.
Passed someone today waring the new Giro lid, I have to say I think they got it right. low profile, vented, aero, minimal, I want one,
@anthony Definitely — Giro Synthe “” aero panels “” eyewear docking port
@unversio
It looks better in reality than top of Taylor’s head too. The cat I passed had the white one. Not usually a fan of white helmets, I am tiny and look funny in them, but it looked fantastic from my angle on the gent that I saw.
@unversio
@anthony
Interesting influence from automotive design, to my eyes:
@Bespoke Feels like the graphic design that I started in 2010. Granted I was aiming for a much more universal vent design.
copyright 2014 UNPULL
@unversio
Those ear pieces look a bit uncomfortable and not very aero.