There are two ways in life to be good at something. The first way is the most obvious, which is to actually be good at something. This is harder than it sounds because you need things like skills, talent, fortitude, and light sabers. The other way doesn’t require those things but it has its own challenges; basically, you have to be holistically awful at the sort of levels that make all the suck turn inside out on itself until it becomes awesome. American Flyers did that, and the fashion industry routinely uses this principle to their advantage, regurgitating fads and styles first as kitschy retro cool and then tricking us into thinking it actually looks good.
Cycling has happily been immune to this because our aesthetics were driven by function first through advances in technology; never in our history have we been so advanced that we felt the inclination to revert a step or two simply for the novelty of going backwards. The Velominatus may well be inclined to look to steel frames and three-cross box-section wheelsets for their durability and ride quality, but that is a luxury that we as amateurs enjoy without the demands of racing at the top level of our sport where events are won by fractions of percents gained through marginal advances in technology.
But apparently we’ve reached the stage now where Cycling style is being influenced by kids helmets and skateboard attire. I went for a ride with a good friend a few weeks back who was riding in Giro’s new baggy line of clothing. It flopped around like a sail in the wind generated by our own speed, and basically sent him backwards in the breeze that was blowing in along the coast. It looked good in the café before the ride, I have to admit, but last time I checked, Cycling clothing was supposed to be designed for Looking Fantastic while riding, not while sipping a doppio macchiato. (But let’s not understate the importance of looking good while sipping an espresso. We are not animals.)
And the helmets. There are accounts supported by doctored photographs floating around the internet of me wearing an ugly helmet, something I categorically deny ever happened. Nevertheless, let the record show that the lids the Pros are wearing these days are an abomination of style, culture, aesthetics, and progress. My Aeon is so light that I had to put on a few extra pounds just to make sure it doesn’t carry me off when I go outside. And guess what? It’s actually well-ventilated which means my sweet shades don’t fog up when I climb like the Evade makes them do. (Theoretically, of course. Because those photos are fakes.) And speaking of shades, I’m wearing a pair of Oakleys with photosensitive lenses that go from completely clear to black anodized depending on the light conditions. Also well-ventilated. That’s progress right there.
Riding a bike wearing an ice bucket on your head in baggy shorts and shirts with aviator sunglasses isn’t fashion forward, it’s Cycling – the most aesthetically independent sport in history – taking its cues from kids who think a long skateboard is an effective way to navigate through traffic. There may well be white space in the market for it, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be filled. We are the Velominati and we have standards, for Merckx’s sake.
Oh, and seriously, enough with the fucking beards. Rule #50, people. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up and say we look like hell and I’m not gonna take it any more!
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@ChrissyOne
I think I see what you did, there.
@frank
Which oakleys are u using w photochromic lenses? My photochromics (tifosi) have been awesome, ride em when it's pitch black and bright sun, are getting all scratched and cloudy.
@bnord61
A bit of a dilemma: my girlfriend is moving out to join me in the Seattle area this summer and she is into cycling so one of her first purchases will be a road bike which I will help her to find. She also plans on buying a helmet, but she asked me what I thought about those "skater-type helmets."
How do I lead her down the path to LVV and away from such monstrosities without being a dick about it and discouraging her from getting more involved in this sport that we all love? This is a person who not only tolerates my constant bike talk, but actually demonstrates interest in learning the Way.
@zeitzmar
Just buy her a proper helmet. Agreed that "skater-type helmets" are an abomination on a road bike. I've never met a woman who would turn down a gifted piece of clothing, shoes, or the like. I'm sure cycling helmets & your girl fit this maxim. Pro-tec skate lids are for riding half-pipes. All I can say to that idea of hers is, N-O. End of
@frank
Agree with Frahnk that, on it's surface, American Flyers is a steaming pile of 80s garbage. However, that is part of its awesomeness. How can you not fondly remember that era when watching it? The sheer dearth of fictional stories having anything to do with cycling makes it great almost by default. Plus, Merckx himself has a cameo. Costner was not yet a star & churning out self indulgent, putrid movies like The Postman & Waterworld. He was downright cool in AF. His 'stache almost put Magnum PI to shame. That was the height of the Cold War & the characterization of the despicable Russians is classic. I watched that movie so many times when I was a kid & it brings me great memories to this day whenever I put it on. The only downside to the whole thing is that Marcus & David ride bikes from the evil company from Morgan Hill that shall not be named. I fucking despise those cease & desist sending, litigious group of bastards & would not ride one of their bikes even if it was free. Breaking Away is a classic. It's awesomeness makes me fondly remember the 70s, bell bottoms & all. That movie captures the aimlessness of the 18-20 yr old set as well or better than any other before, or since. A Sunday in Hell may be the finest documentary I've ever seen, on any subject. That it prominently features Merckx & is about the greatest race in cycling only adds to it's allure. I think I'm going to grab a Stella & watch it right now in fact!
@zeitzmar air ventilation could be a talking point
@zeitzmar I'll echo the ventilation vs hot, sweaty helmet-hair argument, and throw in a little matching team-look suggestion -- my wife liked the Air Attack originally (she's a Californian skater at heart, at least in part), and now has the Giro Amare, which goes very well with my Atmos. The shape is identical, even if hers is matte black and mine matte white, and the styling is subtly more feminine, i.e. they didn't just make it pink and put little flowers on it. It's very low profile on her smaller head, looks great, keeps things cool and works with a casquette underneath when it's chilly or damp. She loves it.
@Cogfather
...unless she thought it looked like shit, in which case she'll say "uh, thanks" and stash it or shove it in a donation bin. Some examples of good-looking helmets from the female pro peloton could help (and in my experience, when you think 'Vanderkitten', you should probably be thinking one of the other teams, unless kitten-ish is really her thing). I think even Vos looks a bit silly in an Air Attack.
versus
(Photos from Velofocus.com)