White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long some of it is going on the shirt, right were people check out my man-boobs.
I can’t keep my dress clothes clean, the ones I wear to my office. That’s a clean business, going to the office. And Cycling is a dirty business, even on sunny days there is a road grit and chain grease to contend with. And our feet and hands get the worst of it. Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?
In my younger days, I started a website called ControlFreak, for which the tagline was “a term used by lazy people to describe someone with standards.” Obviously my writing skills had some room to grow and I was also too young to understand the practical complications of having things like “standards”. Nevertheless, I am proud of the sentiment. It was a first (malnourished) seed of Velominati; its uncompromising attitude built a fiber of the vein that runs through our heritage in this community. In the ControlFreak sensibility, white socks and bar tape are for those of us with standards of cleanliness; they are for the aesthetic steadfast who are willing to invest both the time and inventory to maintain a matching set of curtains and drapes. Black is for those who are too lazy to keep a clean house.
My Number #1 has always had white bars. The other bikes can have black tape because white bar tape is for leaders; Bike #1 is Alpha, the others are Beta – no matter how much I love them.
So why is it that I have been attracted by the blackness of my handlebars every time I unwrap the tape from them? I’m not talking about the Betas, I’m talking about my Alpha: my Veloforma Strada iR. It was a time of turmoil, maybe. Perhaps some unrest in the Force, where the Dark Side grew in strength. Or maybe I enjoyed too many Recovery Ales that day. The event was too long ago and too poorly documented for anyone to be certain, but the fact is, I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.
Let me say that again in a separate paragraph: I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.
No one else. Not the guy down the shop because he didn’t have anything else. Not the VMH. Not my sister. Me.
And I loved it.
The bike was so stealth I felt like I was riding a Sith. Actually, maybe not – I don’t think a Sith would stand for that sort of thing. Maybe I felt like I was riding a Sith Speeder.
But something was missing. I didn’t feel right. I felt a few centimeters off-center, so one night I picked up a new roll of fizik microtex and rewrapped the bars in white.
It felt good to go back, like taking a shower after a long camping trip. Or brushing your teeth after a night on the piss. There was something visceral about it. I brought the bike up to the bedroom and leaned her (gently) against the wall so I could gaze at her as I fell asleep. It felt good to know I had come back to my center. I had come back to expecting more of myself. I would keep my bar tape clean.
Darth Sidious said, “If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects.”
Just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Just so long as we find our way back to The Path.
That night, I slept soundly.
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View Comments
@Chris
Come on, get off the fence, what is your real opinion?
@Teocalli
I didn't say anything rude about the French, did I?
@Chris
Bullocky fuck -- he's got no feelings.
Been AWOL for a wee while and just trying to catch up. Black: other colours only exist to show just how black black is. Orange does this best in my opinion.
Fakes/ copies/ tributes whatever you call them. No. Have the decency to buy the real thing from the person who spent time, effort, passion and investment to produce the item that you think is so worthy of ripping off. Don't encourage them. If it's worth copying it's worth waiting for the real thing.
@Dan_R
Take my money... just take my fucking money!
Oh wait... I don't have any right now.
@DeKerr
You know, it's kinda weird. I could buy those wheels right now, but I feel like equipment of that extreme niceness (much like the Veloforma or half the other stuff you crazy lot seem to have) is something I haven't earned. I'm too fat, too slow, too inflexible. Mostly too slow. It's Dungeons and Dragons logic, I suppose: I need to gain a few more levels of Cyclist before I can pull that sword out of the stone.
@SamFromTex
There is another way to look at it. Have a seat. Let an old man tell you a story...
I was never a great athlete, not even in my twenties--way back when I was lean and agile, back when you had to reach down to shift. (And, no, I'm not making some kind of rude joke.) But I rode a lot and raced a little and loved it all. Then I spent a long, long time in various wildernesses. Often walking. Walking! When I could have been riding! (I'm shaking my head, right? You can see it.)
A few years ago, on impulse, I bought my first road bike in 25 years. Decent bike. Nothing special. But it got me riding again. Had a couple of years of steady gains in fitness, had a great fun season last year. Did lots of long rides and some fairly hard ones. Then this summer was just a series of embarrassments because I'd gotten distracted by other activities that I will not specify and just didn't ride much and lost a lot of fitness and got my ass handed to me in single-serving packages every time I attended a cogal or similar gathering.
Then I said "Fuck it." I ordered a Veloforma. And the result? I'm doing twice-weekly interval workouts for the first time in a very long time. And liking it. Why? It's obvious, isn't it? Because I don't want to be The Fat Guy On the Nice Bike. And because I've got a really nice bike coming soon. I'll still be the old, untalented (still kinda fat) guy on the nice bike. But I'll claw back some fitness because I'm motivated again. Because--like back in the day--I'll have a bike that excites me and because I'll have clawed back some fitness and will feel good about that.
Buy the fucking wheels. Then earn the right to them. And have fun doing it.
Life is too fucking short, and then you're dead for a long fucking time.
@juliana
Get the man a bike and problem solved.
@SamFromTex
Dan, those are some badass looking wheels. Cool carbon weave and nice original graphics. Did Winnipeg Cycle Chick have a hand in these?
@ChrisO
No shit. Not cool at all.
Not to mention, GREEN V-Cogs? Disgrace.
@DragoRosso
If you would have reached out to Veloforma, they would have built you the real thing, in the colors you wanted. They are amazing like that. And you could have gotten our blessing to use our real graphics. No need to go gray market and stealing people's brands. Massive Rule 58 violation, not to mention Rule 43.