Categories: Accessories and GearBreaking The RulesLa Vie VelominatusLook ProNostalgia

The Dark Side

White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long some of it is going on the shirt, right were people check out my man-boobs.

I can’t keep my dress clothes clean, the ones I wear to my office. That’s a clean business, going to the office. And Cycling is a dirty business, even on sunny days there is a road grit and chain grease to contend with. And our feet and hands get the worst of it. Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?

In my younger days, I started a website called ControlFreak, for which the tagline was “a term used by lazy people to describe someone with standards.” Obviously my writing skills had some room to grow and I was also too young to understand the practical complications of having things like “standards”. Nevertheless, I am proud of the sentiment. It was a first (malnourished) seed of Velominati; its uncompromising attitude built a fiber of the vein that runs through our heritage in this community. In the ControlFreak sensibility, white socks and bar tape are for those of us with standards of cleanliness; they are for the aesthetic steadfast who are willing to invest both the time and inventory to maintain a matching set of curtains and drapes. Black is for those who are too lazy to keep a clean house.

My Number #1 has always had white bars. The other bikes can have black tape because white bar tape is for leaders; Bike #1 is Alpha, the others are Beta – no matter how much I love them.

So why is it that I have been attracted by the blackness of my handlebars every time I unwrap the tape from them? I’m not talking about the Betas, I’m talking about my Alpha: my Veloforma Strada iR. It was a time of turmoil, maybe. Perhaps some unrest in the Force, where the Dark Side grew in strength. Or maybe I enjoyed too many Recovery Ales that day. The event was too long ago and too poorly documented for anyone to be certain, but the fact is, I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

Let me say that again in a separate paragraph: I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

No one else. Not the guy down the shop because he didn’t have anything else. Not the VMH. Not my sister. Me.

And I loved it.

The bike was so stealth I felt like I was riding a Sith. Actually, maybe not – I don’t think a Sith would stand for that sort of thing. Maybe I felt like I was riding a Sith Speeder.

But something was missing. I didn’t feel right. I felt a few centimeters off-center, so one night I picked up a new roll of fizik microtex and rewrapped the bars in white.

It felt good to go back, like taking a shower after a long camping trip. Or brushing your teeth after a night on the piss. There was something visceral about it. I brought the bike up to the bedroom and leaned her (gently) against the wall so I could gaze at her as I fell asleep. It felt good to know I had come back to my center. I had come back to expecting more of myself. I would keep my bar tape clean.

Darth Sidious said, “If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects.”

Just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Just so long as we find our way back to The Path.

That night, I slept soundly.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

PT says:

Dec 6 2014 at 1:55 am

@DragoRosso

Gentlemen. My apologies in all regards.

I had not considered all the aspects of this paint scheme which you have all pointed out. I will not try to defend this decision with any form of argument.

Please excuse my ignorance, rudeness, disrespect, or any other offence. It was not intended in any way shape or form.

The offending paint will be removed as soon as possible. This I promise. I do respect this community for what it bring to the love of cycling.

apologies for derailing this thread as well. Have a good night.

Thanks for having the good grace to acknowledge a pretty awful fuck-up and make amends. I don't want to get on a high horse about imitations but dude, I was just feeling sorry for you to be honest. Go legit, its the only way.
Teocalli says:

Dec 6 2014 at 2:51 am

@SamFromTex

You know, it's kinda weird. I could buy those wheels right now, but I feel like equipment of that extreme niceness (much like the Veloforma or half the other stuff you crazy lot seem to have) is something I haven't earned. I'm too fat, too slow, too inflexible. Mostly too slow. It's Dungeons and Dragons logic, I suppose: I need to gain a few more levels of Cyclist before I can pull that sword out of the stone.

About 3 years or so back I became unfit and had a spell off the bike following a virus and a ruptured achilles. So net a year or more off the bike and 2 stone (28 lbs) overweight I started cycling again an fancied a new machine - but at more than a decent bike overweight it was hard to justify, so I used that as my incentive. 4 months of lifestyle change (food wise) and hard exercise corrected things and just at the right/wrong time my LBS started stocking Pinarello. So now I am happy but poor - but the latter might have something to do with the n+3 that followed the Pina.............
chuckp says:

Dec 6 2014 at 6:23 am

@wiscot

Congrats on pulling off what is, quite frankly, a pretty risky move - two color tape job. It could look awful, but yours doesn't. Chapeau!

Merci!
chuckp says:

Dec 6 2014 at 6:26 am

@Kevin

Getting back to bar tape & saddle color, this is Sith-like no? (though I never realized the similarities until @BuckRogers post.)

I have considered going white-white or black-black, but I have been enjoying the red-red for the last couple of years.

I like the red. Bar tape and saddle are the same color so OK in my book. Personally, I think bikes should have at least a little bit of color With the advent of carbon fiber, it's just become a sea of black bikes (my Felt FC included).
unversio says:

Dec 6 2014 at 6:29 am

@Dan_R

Exquisite design work.
wilburrox says:

Dec 6 2014 at 7:24 am

@PeakInTwoYears I gotta say, I respect that, first, ya picked up on the BS and second, that you called out the BS in a particularly respectable (probably far more than deserved) way. Props due ya. Cheers
tessar says:

Dec 6 2014 at 8:18 am

@ChrisO

I might be risking my site membership here but... I find the whole conversation a tad amusing, considering Veloforma is essentially an open-mold company. I'm not too well-versed in open mold MTBs and 'cross frames, but the road and track frames are pretty easy to ID. I wonder why Drago didn't bother to order the correct frame?
PeakInTwoYears says:

Dec 6 2014 at 9:27 am

@wilburrox Thank you, sir.

@tessar I considered that perspective, too. For me personally, copying a frame design is one thing, but then copying the mark as well is quite another. VF didn't go into business selling fake Cervelos. And, from what vanishingly small amount I know about frame building, it isn't a simple matter of using the same mold.
Buck Rogers says:

Dec 6 2014 at 10:24 am

@frank FUCK .. and I thought that I was ballzy and bad for posting pictures of naked Sith Women!!!

That was some chutzpah right there.
wilburrox says:

Dec 6 2014 at 11:05 am

@DragoRosso

Gentlemen. My apologies in all regards.

I had not considered all the aspects of this paint scheme which you have all pointed out. I will not try to defend this decision with any form of argument.

Please excuse my ignorance, rudeness, disrespect, or any other offence. It was not intended in any way shape or form.

The offending paint will be removed as soon as possible. This I promise. I do respect this community for what it bring to the love of cycling.

apologies for derailing this thread as well. Have a good night.

A little creativity and you mighta had your cat paint a particularly cool custom flame or stripe job that woulda made all the diff in the world for admiration of the bike. After all, $$ was spent... just to copy someone else's idea ? Without respect of property rights ? Leave that to the Chinese mnfg's. Creating cool new stuff? That's what makes the world a better place.

Props for the prompt follow up and acknowledgement I have to hand it to you. And post a snapshot of the bike if it looks a little different in the future. Something tells me it could be cool.