Categories: Accessories and GearBreaking The RulesLa Vie VelominatusLook ProNostalgia

The Dark Side

White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long some of it is going on the shirt, right were people check out my man-boobs.

I can’t keep my dress clothes clean, the ones I wear to my office. That’s a clean business, going to the office. And Cycling is a dirty business, even on sunny days there is a road grit and chain grease to contend with. And our feet and hands get the worst of it. Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?

In my younger days, I started a website called ControlFreak, for which the tagline was “a term used by lazy people to describe someone with standards.” Obviously my writing skills had some room to grow and I was also too young to understand the practical complications of having things like “standards”. Nevertheless, I am proud of the sentiment. It was a first (malnourished) seed of Velominati; its uncompromising attitude built a fiber of the vein that runs through our heritage in this community. In the ControlFreak sensibility, white socks and bar tape are for those of us with standards of cleanliness; they are for the aesthetic steadfast who are willing to invest both the time and inventory to maintain a matching set of curtains and drapes. Black is for those who are too lazy to keep a clean house.

My Number #1 has always had white bars. The other bikes can have black tape because white bar tape is for leaders; Bike #1 is Alpha, the others are Beta – no matter how much I love them.

So why is it that I have been attracted by the blackness of my handlebars every time I unwrap the tape from them? I’m not talking about the Betas, I’m talking about my Alpha: my Veloforma Strada iR. It was a time of turmoil, maybe. Perhaps some unrest in the Force, where the Dark Side grew in strength. Or maybe I enjoyed too many Recovery Ales that day. The event was too long ago and too poorly documented for anyone to be certain, but the fact is, I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

Let me say that again in a separate paragraph: I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

No one else. Not the guy down the shop because he didn’t have anything else. Not the VMH. Not my sister. Me.

And I loved it.

The bike was so stealth I felt like I was riding a Sith. Actually, maybe not – I don’t think a Sith would stand for that sort of thing. Maybe I felt like I was riding a Sith Speeder.

But something was missing. I didn’t feel right. I felt a few centimeters off-center, so one night I picked up a new roll of fizik microtex and rewrapped the bars in white.

It felt good to go back, like taking a shower after a long camping trip. Or brushing your teeth after a night on the piss. There was something visceral about it. I brought the bike up to the bedroom and leaned her (gently) against the wall so I could gaze at her as I fell asleep. It felt good to know I had come back to my center. I had come back to expecting more of myself. I would keep my bar tape clean.

Darth Sidious said, “If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects.”

Just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Just so long as we find our way back to The Path.

That night, I slept soundly.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wiscot says:

Dec 8 2014 at 5:16 am

@DragoRosso

Gentlemen. My apologies in all regards.

I had not considered all the aspects of this paint scheme which you have all pointed out. I will not try to defend this decision with any form of argument.

Please excuse my ignorance, rudeness, disrespect, or any other offence. It was not intended in any way shape or form.

The offending paint will be removed as soon as possible. This I promise. I do respect this community for what it bring to the love of cycling.

apologies for derailing this thread as well. Have a good night.

Appreciate the apology sir. Good luck going forward!
PeakInTwoYears says:

Dec 8 2014 at 7:24 am

@cognition Thank you!
wiscot says:

Dec 8 2014 at 9:30 am

@Dan_R

And just because nobody asked, here is a picture of our newly branded CR Wheel Works Carrefour wheels. These two set of wheel are being raced in the European CX season by a Canadian nicknamed "Hot Sauce."

@DragoRosso I am happy to hear that you will be fixing the frame set. Great colours and a nice idea, but Veloforma is a great little company that works hard to distinguish itself in a very competitive market. As a note, I get asked to have wheels painted with the Velominati "V" all the time. I kindly tell my customers that while I will do custom paint and even no paint, I do not do other peoples logo unless granted express permission. In fact, Frank and I have gone through a few different designs that have been painted on various rims sets, which have not been built due to design flaws or "it looked good on paper" or just plain decision changes. These extra rims, I keep aside for repainting. Or if built up, they go into destructive testing. hehehe, yeah it can fun...

I'd suggest keeping the colours and going with a dragon theme finish. Now that could be cool.

If those wheels were women, they'd make men do terrible things they'd later regret.
GogglesPizano says:

Dec 8 2014 at 2:10 pm

Does anyone think a set of Dan's wheels would look any good on this bike? Please say no, having a hard enough time as it is ....

@wiscot

@Dan_R

And just because nobody asked, here is a picture of our newly branded CR Wheel Works Carrefour wheels. These two set of wheel are being raced in the European CX season by a Canadian nicknamed "Hot Sauce."

@DragoRosso I am happy to hear that you will be fixing the frame set. Great colours and a nice idea, but Veloforma is a great little company that works hard to distinguish itself in a very competitive market. As a note, I get asked to have wheels painted with the Velominati "V" all the time. I kindly tell my customers that while I will do custom paint and even no paint, I do not do other peoples logo unless granted express permission. In fact, Frank and I have gone through a few different designs that have been painted on various rims sets, which have not been built due to design flaws or "it looked good on paper" or just plain decision changes. These extra rims, I keep aside for repainting. Or if built up, they go into destructive testing. hehehe, yeah it can fun...

I'd suggest keeping the colours and going with a dragon theme finish. Now that could be cool.

If those wheels were women, they'd make men do terrible things they'd later regret.

@Dan_R

And just because nobody asked, here is a picture of our newly branded CR Wheel Works Carrefour wheels. These two set of wheel are being raced in the European CX season by a Canadian nicknamed "Hot Sauce."

Take my money... just take my fucking money!

Oh wait... I don't have any right now.

You know, it's kinda weird. I could buy those wheels right now, but I feel like equipment of that extreme niceness (much like the Veloforma or half the other stuff you crazy lot seem to have) is something I haven't earned. I'm too fat, too slow, too inflexible. Mostly too slow. It's Dungeons and Dragons logic, I suppose: I need to gain a few more levels of Cyclist before I can pull that sword out of the stone.

Dan, those are some badass looking wheels. Cool carbon weave and nice original graphics. Did Winnipeg Cycle Chick have a hand in these?
therealpeel says:

Dec 8 2014 at 4:23 pm

@frank

@juliana

If you have a full time job, three children and a husband who sometimes wants some attention as well, you go for black.

Get the man a bike and problem solved.

For the record, the child protection authorities will not care that you left your kids behind on the first hill of your 'family ride' because you had good legs...
wiscot says:

Dec 8 2014 at 4:29 pm

@therealpeel

@frank

@juliana

If you have a full time job, three children and a husband who sometimes wants some attention as well, you go for black.

Get the man a bike and problem solved.

For the record, the child protection authorities will not care that you left your kids behind on the first hill of your 'family ride' because you had good legs...

What if the kids have smart phones with GPS so they can find their way home? All kinds of life lessons on deck in that scenario. Amazingly enough, I don't have kids . . .
Puffy says:

Dec 8 2014 at 6:26 pm

@Frank

"Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?"

Love my white bar tape... Socks too. I used to resist it based on the effort required to keep it clean. I gave in because I love the way it looks, and it's not that hard to keep clean. Besides, any excuse to replace the tape because nothing compares to the pure white shine of new white tape.
Puffy says:

Dec 8 2014 at 6:34 pm

@Owen

What's wrong with white bikes? Just because the only matching seat color is white and the only matchin tape color is white and they need to be lovingly bathed damn near weekly?

What are you talking about? Bikes are bathed daily - post ride.
Owen says:

Dec 9 2014 at 9:55 am

@Puffy That's a good way to wear your components prematurely. A wipe-down, sure, but not a bath.
unversio says:

Dec 9 2014 at 11:21 am

@Owen

@Puffy That's a good way to wear your components prematurely. A wipe-down, sure, but not a bath.

Yes. I consider my bike one of the best around town and it only gets a wash every 2 to 3 months -- or after each No.9 ride. The drivetrain is always kept clean by wiping down with Motorex.