Categories: Accessories and GearBreaking The RulesLa Vie VelominatusLook ProNostalgia

The Dark Side

White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long some of it is going on the shirt, right were people check out my man-boobs.

I can’t keep my dress clothes clean, the ones I wear to my office. That’s a clean business, going to the office. And Cycling is a dirty business, even on sunny days there is a road grit and chain grease to contend with. And our feet and hands get the worst of it. Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?

In my younger days, I started a website called ControlFreak, for which the tagline was “a term used by lazy people to describe someone with standards.” Obviously my writing skills had some room to grow and I was also too young to understand the practical complications of having things like “standards”. Nevertheless, I am proud of the sentiment. It was a first (malnourished) seed of Velominati; its uncompromising attitude built a fiber of the vein that runs through our heritage in this community. In the ControlFreak sensibility, white socks and bar tape are for those of us with standards of cleanliness; they are for the aesthetic steadfast who are willing to invest both the time and inventory to maintain a matching set of curtains and drapes. Black is for those who are too lazy to keep a clean house.

My Number #1 has always had white bars. The other bikes can have black tape because white bar tape is for leaders; Bike #1 is Alpha, the others are Beta – no matter how much I love them.

So why is it that I have been attracted by the blackness of my handlebars every time I unwrap the tape from them? I’m not talking about the Betas, I’m talking about my Alpha: my Veloforma Strada iR. It was a time of turmoil, maybe. Perhaps some unrest in the Force, where the Dark Side grew in strength. Or maybe I enjoyed too many Recovery Ales that day. The event was too long ago and too poorly documented for anyone to be certain, but the fact is, I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

Let me say that again in a separate paragraph: I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

No one else. Not the guy down the shop because he didn’t have anything else. Not the VMH. Not my sister. Me.

And I loved it.

The bike was so stealth I felt like I was riding a Sith. Actually, maybe not – I don’t think a Sith would stand for that sort of thing. Maybe I felt like I was riding a Sith Speeder.

But something was missing. I didn’t feel right. I felt a few centimeters off-center, so one night I picked up a new roll of fizik microtex and rewrapped the bars in white.

It felt good to go back, like taking a shower after a long camping trip. Or brushing your teeth after a night on the piss. There was something visceral about it. I brought the bike up to the bedroom and leaned her (gently) against the wall so I could gaze at her as I fell asleep. It felt good to know I had come back to my center. I had come back to expecting more of myself. I would keep my bar tape clean.

Darth Sidious said, “If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects.”

Just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Just so long as we find our way back to The Path.

That night, I slept soundly.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Matthieu says:

Dec 3 2014 at 11:55 pm

The Veloforma Strada iR, Team CCX and Pista Pro 2.0 appear to be the same as generic Chinese carbon frames available from sites like dengfubikes.com. Those three frames have the exact same appearance and geometry as the FM066, FM058 and FM126, respectively. Veloforma isn't the only company selling these frames as their own designs at a much higher price but I thought I'd mention it here because Frank has the Strada iR and the Team CCX and some people who are thinking of buying any of these frames might want to look into this first.

Veloforma Strada iR = FM066 http://www.dengfubikes.com/product/detail.php?id=124

Veloforma Team CCX = FM058 http://www.dengfubikes.com/product/detail.php?id=116

Veloforma Pista Pro 2.0 = FM126 http://www.dengfubikes.com/product/detail.php?id=165
RobSandy says:

Dec 4 2014 at 1:14 am

I thought this article was going to be about black and white bikes. I feel somewhat drawn to monochrome bikes, and I don't know why.

My road bike is black (matte, with matte red and white too. Like Darth Vader), my mountain bike is pure white, and my commuter bike is black at the front, white at the back. I find this pleasing.

By bar tape is currently black but I'd think about going red when I re-wrap.
V-olcano says:

Dec 4 2014 at 3:03 am
@Haldy
Just some coaching:

The V-Cog is so rad, I peed a little

Great Rule #9 gloves, aside from DeFeet Wool and pending a solid test of my Blue Seventy gloves, those are the best.

Please don't post photos showing a computer on the bars

Please don't use electrical tape to "finish" your tape job

Especially don't use electrical tape finish off the tape job when you're still showing the bare bandages

I'm satisfied that I didn't have to make up a Vth item to call you out on, just to maintain symmetry. That buys you a kind of exemption.
The computer is there so I can follow Rule #71. Sometimes I need the data to properly perform the workouts laid out by my coach. Remember him..the guy with the massive guns you saw at Alpenrose during your Festum Hour attempt.

Electrical tape...walk into 99.99% of the bike shops in country and you find all the bars are finished off by electrical tape. That's how the pros( mechanically speaking..) do it. Any idiot can make a shoddy finishing job look good by using the provided camoflauge, I mean finish tape.

It takes a bit of time and skill to finish with the razor sharp "bandage" edge I have there. I challenge you to try and match it. I bet you a bottle of your favorite malted recovery beverage it won't come out as sharp as mine.
Well said all around. We won't use anything but electrical tape, though we'll also use finishing tape on top at a customer's request. It just isn't nearly as strong or durable. And the edge is both beautiful and PRO. Well done!
rfreese888 says:

Dec 4 2014 at 3:10 am

@RobSandy

I thought this article was going to be about black and white bikes. I feel somewhat drawn to monochrome bikes, and I don't know why.

My road bike is black (matte, with matte red and white too. Like Darth Vader), my mountain bike is pure white, and my commuter bike is black at the front, white at the back. I find this pleasing.

By bar tape is currently black but I'd think about going red when I re-wrap.

I was thinking it was going to be about bikes too. The N+1 frame I am looking at comes in a black / gray or white. I already have white tape on my current Alpha, this may change to Celeste when the new Alpha arrives. I am leaning towards the darker colour frame and gray tape, but maybe white tape will make it more fully Alpha.
PT says:

Dec 4 2014 at 3:20 am

@Stephen

At first blush, i would guess you to be about 1.88m...and riding a 54.

Or what you could say is:

Gee Frank, you tall bastard, your setup reminds me of Johann Van Summerens.
Jonathan says:

Dec 4 2014 at 3:40 am

I am piecing together a new bike which will break cover this spring. It's white with a little splash of yellow pink and red striping (grand tour leaders jerseys). i am using black tires, black saddle, and having lost many nights sleep over it, white tape which as a pro mechanic, I will finish with black electrical tape. It will look awesome in the first picture and be fully rule compliant.
wiscot says:

Dec 4 2014 at 5:18 am

@Mikael Liddy

Just how drunk were you writing this? Even the sober editing missed more than a few errors!

Either that or you're just testing who actually reads the article.

Frank was so drunk, the skinny bastard actually thought he had man boobs. If he has man boobs, then I'm Jordan by comparison.

My all black #1 currently has dark grey tape. It's done its job for this year. Next season black tape is going on. The only color on the bike will be the V cuff links and an orange 5mm spacer atop the stem. I have the same set-up on #2 and think it looks pretty nice.
Buck Rogers says:

Dec 4 2014 at 5:54 am
@V-olcano
@Haldy
Just some coaching:

The V-Cog is so rad, I peed a little

Great Rule #9 gloves, aside from DeFeet Wool and pending a solid test of my Blue Seventy gloves, those are the best.

Please don't post photos showing a computer on the bars

Please don't use electrical tape to "finish" your tape job

Especially don't use electrical tape finish off the tape job when you're still showing the bare bandages

I'm satisfied that I didn't have to make up a Vth item to call you out on, just to maintain symmetry. That buys you a kind of exemption.

The computer is there so I can follow Rule #71. Sometimes I need the data to properly perform the workouts laid out by my coach. Remember him..the guy with the massive guns you saw at Alpenrose during your Festum Hour attempt.

Electrical tape...walk into 99.99% of the bike shops in country and you find all the bars are finished off by electrical tape. That's how the pros( mechanically speaking..) do it. Any idiot can make a shoddy finishing job look good by using the provided camoflauge, I mean finish tape.

It takes a bit of time and skill to finish with the razor sharp "bandage" edge I have there. I challenge you to try and match it. I bet you a bottle of your favorite malted recovery beverage it won't come out as sharp as mine.
Well said all around. We won't use anything but electrical tape, though we'll also use finishing tape on top at a customer's request. It just isn't nearly as strong or durable. And the edge is both beautiful and PRO. Well done!
I feel a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Velominati cried out in terror ....

As for riding a Sith, I google-imaged female Sith and came up with this.

Hell, I'd ride it.

Ya, feel free to ban me but it was worth it.

Now I have to run b/c I have this image up on my Army government work computer and the IT police are coming down the hall.
chuckp says:

Dec 4 2014 at 6:03 am

Nothing wrong with black AND white.
Souleur says:

Dec 4 2014 at 6:16 am

@chuckp thats going to stir the Holists out there, but I love that wrap!