The Hammer and the Nail

Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail.

Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail. I was a cheapy little Ikea one today. It was terrible.

– Geraint Thomas

It is strange, the workings of a the Cyclist as an organism. We are of three autonomous parts, Head, Body, and Legs. In the short term, there is little that fundamentally changes between them, yet their symbiosis can vary wildly; one day we are an unstoppable force and the next, little more than a tourist.

Condition is built gradually over a the length of a season or many seasons; it does not arrive in the post on a prescribed day just as it does not depart the train station per a schedule when its stay has come to an end. Yet, somehow, our performances can vary as though this were the case. This dramatic change is most commonly driven by the mind, a fragile beast that balances upon a knife’s edge where the slightest push can send our performance sky high or plummeting into the fiery depths of despair.

This is what drives the Cyclist as an aesthetic creature; clean bar tape, freshly shaven guns, and neatly arranged kit is the most effective way to control our form from day to day; no sense fooling with diet, or power meters – neither of those will tell you how Fantastic you look.

Which is why our investigative team, Research Unit for Logical Explanations of the Velominati ( RULEV ) has concluded that Geraint cracked horribly due to psychological injuries caused by losing his trademark white Jawbones, which were obviously his hidden Scepter of Morale. He looks magic in those shades, and complete crap in the Radars he was forced to ride in the following days. Our study also indicates that he could have avoided disaster by paying to overnight his new Jawbones in time to race in them again at the Tour; there are only so many days you can look crap before you start riding like crap.

To expand on Paul Fournel’s famous line: to look good is already to go fast, and to look crap is already to go slow.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next In Memoriam: The Straight Block »

Previous « Pinot or Bardet?

View Comments

Owen says:

Aug 11 2015 at 8:37 am

@Ron

I told my bathroom scale to fuck off this past weekend. I can feel I’m finally at my summer riding weight but it’s telling me I’m not. I almost never get on it and I won’t be back on it for awhile now.

And while I’m happy to be in good riding shape, I have no desire to look like Froome. No thanks. I play other sports, need muscles to work around/on the house, and have already lost too much of the muscle I had in college from sports/lifting for that sport.

I know I’m officially hitting mid-life because I’ll catch myself when I think…”Oh, I was in great shape (muscle wise) a few years back, right after college.” Right after college is officially not that recently. Ah well, I’m still having a fucking blast being alive, so fuck it.

That and a midride Twinkie is rocket fuel. Not drinking beer and swearing off processed sugar sounds awful. I might as well be a trip geek at that point.
Owen says:

Aug 11 2015 at 8:37 am

Ahem. Tri geek. Thanks, autocorrect.
Teocalli says:

Aug 11 2015 at 9:03 am

@VeloSix

@ChrisO

If I’m eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

Yes, this…

Yup indeed, This. Diets do not work as by definition a diet becomes regarded as something special and therefore temporary, you have to eat right balanced to your degree of exercise. It's called lifestyle not diet.
Ron says:

Aug 11 2015 at 10:36 am

@Owen

@Ron

I told my bathroom scale to fuck off this past weekend. I can feel I’m finally at my summer riding weight but it’s telling me I’m not. I almost never get on it and I won’t be back on it for awhile now.

And while I’m happy to be in good riding shape, I have no desire to look like Froome. No thanks. I play other sports, need muscles to work around/on the house, and have already lost too much of the muscle I had in college from sports/lifting for that sport.

I know I’m officially hitting mid-life because I’ll catch myself when I think…”Oh, I was in great shape (muscle wise) a few years back, right after college.” Right after college is officially not that recently. Ah well, I’m still having a fucking blast being alive, so fuck it.

That and a midride Twinkie is rocket fuel. Not drinking beer and swearing off processed sugar sounds awful. I might as well be a trip geek at that point.

I hate to admit it, but beer has been making my stomach hurt lately. Not sure what is up, so I've been drinking mainly spirits. Twinkies. Hmm, I think I've had one in my life. I haven't eaten chain fast food since 2001. I stopped because I realized I was traveling all over the world, and fucking KFC and McDonald's were making things look the same. I generally only eat what I cook, I've cooked professionally so I'm pretty adept in the kitchen. That also means I don't like eating out. I'd rather spend money on bike parts, unless it's something I really can't cook, or it takes too long. Say...pho.

Anyway, my biggest problem is that I enjoy napping or resting after I eat. That can include in the evening. It's a bad habit. If I just make sure to eat a few hours before I go to bed, that's all the "dieting" I need.

I don't eat junk and I eat many times a day. Those are the two things that keep me in pretty good form.
frank says:

Aug 11 2015 at 10:41 am

Nice. Just spotted this on Twitter:

Nice bike ride in the Italian hills today and was reunited with these bad boys @GeraintsGlasses @chrisfroome pic.twitter.com/0Pd1Ooo2s1

— Geraint Thomas (@GeraintThomas86) August 8, 2015
unversio says:

Aug 11 2015 at 11:29 am

@frank

Odd supernatural thing happening with Froome's left arm.
frank says:

Aug 11 2015 at 11:33 am

@unversio

@frank

Odd supernatural thing happening with Froome’s left arm.

We have always been wondering if he is robot. I never wondered if he was a hologram...
ped says:

Aug 11 2015 at 11:56 am

Wrong place, but, as it's the end of civilisation. Eneco today
Gianni says:

Aug 11 2015 at 12:32 pm

@frank

Nice. Just spotted this on Twitter:

He looks magic in those shades, and complete crap in the Radars he was forced to ride in the following days.

Amen to that. Those white shades are all him. It makes me rethink my own love of Oakley Radars. I like Radars looking out from my skull. Unfortunately switching to G's shades would not improve my riding, but looking better might be enough. No, probably not.
Sam says:

Aug 11 2015 at 12:58 pm

I showed up 30min late to work today, spent some time pondering over a double espresso, and blew out 8 PRs. That is the end of me not having coffee prior to my morning commute in.