The Hammer and the Nail

Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail.

Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail. I was a cheapy little Ikea one today. It was terrible.

– Geraint Thomas

It is strange, the workings of a the Cyclist as an organism. We are of three autonomous parts, Head, Body, and Legs. In the short term, there is little that fundamentally changes between them, yet their symbiosis can vary wildly; one day we are an unstoppable force and the next, little more than a tourist.

Condition is built gradually over a the length of a season or many seasons; it does not arrive in the post on a prescribed day just as it does not depart the train station per a schedule when its stay has come to an end. Yet, somehow, our performances can vary as though this were the case. This dramatic change is most commonly driven by the mind, a fragile beast that balances upon a knife’s edge where the slightest push can send our performance sky high or plummeting into the fiery depths of despair.

This is what drives the Cyclist as an aesthetic creature; clean bar tape, freshly shaven guns, and neatly arranged kit is the most effective way to control our form from day to day; no sense fooling with diet, or power meters – neither of those will tell you how Fantastic you look.

Which is why our investigative team, Research Unit for Logical Explanations of the Velominati ( RULEV ) has concluded that Geraint cracked horribly due to psychological injuries caused by losing his trademark white Jawbones, which were obviously his hidden Scepter of Morale. He looks magic in those shades, and complete crap in the Radars he was forced to ride in the following days. Our study also indicates that he could have avoided disaster by paying to overnight his new Jawbones in time to race in them again at the Tour; there are only so many days you can look crap before you start riding like crap.

To expand on Paul Fournel’s famous line: to look good is already to go fast, and to look crap is already to go slow.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ped says:

Aug 11 2015 at 1:06 pm

@frank

@unversio

@frank

Odd supernatural thing happening with Froome’s left arm.

We have always been wondering if he is robot. I never wondered if he was a hologram…
wilburrox says:

Aug 11 2015 at 1:11 pm

@Ron

my biggest problem is that I enjoy napping or resting after I eat

Me too... in fact, after I chase something down, kill it and then eat it I generally like to climb up in a tree and sleep it off ! It's all good.

Cheers
wilburrox says:

Aug 11 2015 at 1:16 pm

@ChrisO

no sense fooling with diet

Agree with most everything except this. To me diet is totally part of the input that makes me hammer or nail on any given day.

If I’m eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

My head knows that I have suffered for this – I have passed up nutella toast, sworn off alcohol, said no to cake. I have eaten brown rice, made my own muesli and juiced beetroot until my ktichen looks like a CSI set.

Tape and kit… pfft. Any fool with a Wiggle account can do that.

But God help me if I know I’m overweight. Then the judgement shall be upon me. “Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.” Dr Ferrari will be perched on my shoulder as I climb, telling me I’m too fat.

It’s not only mental, it’s aesthetic too. When I look in the mirror and see my breastbone and ribs, when that large Castelli kit looks a little baggy but the medium slips on nicely… then I’m ready.

You are right about all this! Regret. And I keep telling myself I'll just ride some extra miles when opportunity to do so is becoming increasingly hard to find.
Ccos says:

Aug 11 2015 at 2:55 pm

@ChrisO

Tape and kit… pfft. Any fool with a Wiggle account can do that.

I don't know, looking fantastic is more than just new stuff (re: the overweight dentist pressed into an Astana kit)
frank says:

Aug 11 2015 at 3:16 pm

@ChrisO

no sense fooling with diet

Agree with most everything except this. To me diet is totally part of the input that makes me hammer or nail on any given day.

If I’m eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

My head knows that I have suffered for this – I have passed up nutella toast, sworn off alcohol, said no to cake. I have eaten brown rice, made my own muesli and juiced beetroot until my ktichen looks like a CSI set.

Tape and kit… pfft. Any fool with a Wiggle account can do that.

But God help me if I know I’m overweight. Then the judgement shall be upon me. “Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.” Dr Ferrari will be perched on my shoulder as I climb, telling me I’m too fat.

It’s not only mental, it’s aesthetic too. When I look in the mirror and see my breastbone and ribs, when that large Castelli kit looks a little baggy but the medium slips on nicely… then I’m ready.

I might agree with you, in a way. I don't think the diet makes you look better directly, but feeling skinny and looking great in your kit is definitely a massive morale boost. Even just feeling light is great so it feels nice and springy to get out of the saddle to climb or power over a rise is also high up there.

I'll tell you one thing, though, there is a direct correlation between going on a ride after a night of no (or moderate) booze versus going on a ride after a ride of immoderate drinking. Direct impact.
frank says:

Aug 11 2015 at 3:17 pm

@wilburrox

@ChrisO

no sense fooling with diet

Agree with most everything except this. To me diet is totally part of the input that makes me hammer or nail on any given day.

If I’m eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

My head knows that I have suffered for this – I have passed up nutella toast, sworn off alcohol, said no to cake. I have eaten brown rice, made my own muesli and juiced beetroot until my ktichen looks like a CSI set.

Tape and kit… pfft. Any fool with a Wiggle account can do that.

But God help me if I know I’m overweight. Then the judgement shall be upon me. “Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.” Dr Ferrari will be perched on my shoulder as I climb, telling me I’m too fat.

It’s not only mental, it’s aesthetic too. When I look in the mirror and see my breastbone and ribs, when that large Castelli kit looks a little baggy but the medium slips on nicely… then I’m ready.

You are right about all this! Regret. And I keep telling myself I’ll just ride some extra miles when opportunity to do so is becoming increasingly hard to find.

Its easier to keep it off than to take it off.
Oli says:

Aug 11 2015 at 5:26 pm

You got that right, brother!!
wilburrox says:

Aug 11 2015 at 6:50 pm

Looking back at the times that I was at my lightest I wonder if I was actually kinda dehydrated. A functioning dehydrate so to speak?
Puffy says:

Aug 11 2015 at 6:58 pm

@rfreese888

Each morning you punch recovery data e.g. resting HR, # of hours slept, previous days training performance, weight, even color of your pee. It spits out a score based on an algorithm that tells you if you are good to go hard or not.Idea is that you are wrecking your ability to perform if you over-train or under-recover, and you need to work at recovery as much as you do at making deposits in the V bank.

Huh? I don't need a web site to tell me if I am in form/out of form or over trained. 5min into the workout I can tell you that!
Puffy says:

Aug 11 2015 at 7:04 pm

@Teocalli

Yup indeed, This. Diets do not work as by definition a diet becomes regarded as something special and therefore temporary, you have to eat right balanced to your degree of exercise. It’s called lifestyle not diet.

Well if you want to get into semantics... whatever you at last week, today, tomorrow -> that's your diet. Some folks change theirs regularly, some have heavily regimented ones, but it's all the same. Everyone on the planet has either a good or a bad diet, or maybe something inbetween.

Having said that, yes, whatever your diet is, it needs to be a lifestyle that is sustainable.