I’m struggling with how to open this conversation without sounding like what I’m assuming my grandparents did when I was growing up. Maybe it’s because I’m just now clawing my way into some of the wisdom they had, or maybe I’m just less of an idiot than I was when they were moving their lips and I wasn’t listening. (Spoiler alert: everyone is less of an idiot then I was when I was a kid. No need to wait for the memoir.)

Kids these days have no respect.

There. I said it. Let me add some stage directions to this, for clarity.

Stage left, everyone under the age of 25: [heads down, tapping at their phones] Text me. I don’t do “speaking”. [All look up, sigh in chorus, and look back at their phones. Some of the cast members roll their eyes.]

Center stage, anyone between 25 and 37: Yeah, but they’ll learn. Give them a chance to express their ideas on this world and we’ll be happy for their challenging perspective. I embrace their view as it will help us grow both as individuals and a society. Also, Mom and Dad, please text me.

Stage right, everyone else: Bugger off, you disrespectful cretins.

The past informs the future; wisdom is learned through experience and experience is earned through the errors of our actions. That sounds a lot like a rationalization for screwing up all the time and maybe that’s true, but that doesn’t mean the premise is flawed; we must look behind us to understand where we are going. By respecting our past, we may build a better future.

In a world where the young have no respect for the wisdom of age and the old have no appreciation for the genius of youth, La Vie Velominatus cuts through the din and grounds us. Cycling is deeply rooted in the past while fiercely embracing the future. The Cyclist lives happily on both sides of the coin; cherishing our steel frames and hand-made tubular tires while embracing 10 and 11 speed drive-trains and featherweight carbon frames and deep-section wheels.

Keepers Tour 2012 was the first time I’d been to the cobbles of Northern Europe. When we arrived at the mouth of the Arenberg Forest, we were compelled to climb off and pay our respects to this, the most sacred of roads in our sport. By modern measure, this is the worst road imaginable: mossy cobbles roughly strewn across a narrow lane; uneven and sometimes as far as two or three centimeters apart. This is a road so rough it is difficult to walk down. To a Cyclist, it represents the most beautiful road on Earth. This is a road that lets us touch history.

A puzzle is meant to be solved; a mystery is not. The past is a puzzle and the future a mystery. Beauty is found in the space where the past and future live as one. Cycling is beauty.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @SamFromTex

    @frank

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @ErikdR

    Charcoal and goose quills, ya youngsters! * shuffles back to stone slab and chisel*

    I have cut my own quill pens. Quill pens suck. Certain types of objects found the apogee of their design in the early 20th century. Pens and shaving equipment fall into this category.

    I was given a safety razor (with beautiful stand, soap cup if that's what its called, and brush) for Christmas. I find it very similar to gluing tubulars; its harder and takes more time, but it forces you to spend a little bit of time focusing on the simple task at hand. In the case of tubs, its gluing it on nice and straight; in the case of shaving it's getting yourself ready to look your best.

    I have to say, after the fear of slitting my own throat subsided, I am a massive fan.

    Its fun to need a tub of glue to set a tire, and its fun to need a sharps container to shave.

    I will not, however, use the safety razor on The Guns. If I miss a patch on my face, that's just my coworkers who have to suffer. If I miss a patch on my legs, I'm bound to notice just as my head frops as The V is escaping my body.

    After you get used to the safety razor (they really are just as safe as the cheap ones) sit down and do the math. I was amazed at how much cheaper they turn out to be compared to the HYPER TURBO MACH EIGHTEEN SUPER FAST ULTRA whatever

    If these razors get any more high tech n turbo we'll be riding them to work

  • @SamFromTex

    @frank

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @ErikdR

    Charcoal and goose quills, ya youngsters! * shuffles back to stone slab and chisel*

    I have cut my own quill pens. Quill pens suck. Certain types of objects found the apogee of their design in the early 20th century. Pens and shaving equipment fall into this category.

    I was given a safety razor (with beautiful stand, soap cup if that's what its called, and brush) for Christmas. I find it very similar to gluing tubulars; its harder and takes more time, but it forces you to spend a little bit of time focusing on the simple task at hand. In the case of tubs, its gluing it on nice and straight; in the case of shaving it's getting yourself ready to look your best.

    I have to say, after the fear of slitting my own throat subsided, I am a massive fan.

    Its fun to need a tub of glue to set a tire, and its fun to need a sharps container to shave.

    I will not, however, use the safety razor on The Guns. If I miss a patch on my face, that's just my coworkers who have to suffer. If I miss a patch on my legs, I'm bound to notice just as my head frops as The V is escaping my body.

    After you get used to the safety razor (they really are just as safe as the cheap ones) sit down and do the math. I was amazed at how much cheaper they turn out to be compared to the HYPER TURBO MACH EIGHTEEN SUPER FAST ULTRA whatever

    @PeakinTwoYears couldn't agree more. I liken it to making espresso. I used to have a beautiful little Francis X1 and a burr grinder. Bought my beans from a cool place that roast every Friday morning and that hadn't had a refit since 1965. It took me 8 or 9 minutes each morning to make an espresso. It wasn't perfect every day; sometimes I over tamped, sometimes under, but when I got it right it was like angels dancing on my tongue. Then I had kids and 8 or 9 minutes in the morning felt like a lifetime. I sold out... Bought a Nespresso machine, discovered the Dharkan espresso pod which is  rated 11, just like the amp in Spinal Tap! My machine makes wonderful espresso every time, but...it is soulless. I don't love it like I truly loved my X1. We find pleasure in life by things not being easy, "if it's easy it ain't worth having" just like in cycling. I love a fast descent, but shit as I am at climbing, it's where I find pleasure. The pleasure is in the difficulty and the challenge. The Nespresso is going on ebay!!

  • Seriously. No bullshit. It makes more aesthetic and economic sense than using a safety razor. Way more.

  • @PeakInTwoYears

    Seriously. No bullshit. It makes more aesthetic and economic sense than using a safety razor. Way more.

    I've had quite a bit of wine and whisky (note no E) tonight but I'm sure I fail to work out how roasting your own coffee makes more sense that using a safety razor.

  • @gilly

    @SamFromTex

    @frank

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @ErikdR

    Charcoal and goose quills, ya youngsters! * shuffles back to stone slab and chisel*

    I have cut my own quill pens. Quill pens suck. Certain types of objects found the apogee of their design in the early 20th century. Pens and shaving equipment fall into this category.

    I was given a safety razor (with beautiful stand, soap cup if that's what its called, and brush) for Christmas. I find it very similar to gluing tubulars; its harder and takes more time, but it forces you to spend a little bit of time focusing on the simple task at hand. In the case of tubs, its gluing it on nice and straight; in the case of shaving it's getting yourself ready to look your best.

    I have to say, after the fear of slitting my own throat subsided, I am a massive fan.

    Its fun to need a tub of glue to set a tire, and its fun to need a sharps container to shave.

    I will not, however, use the safety razor on The Guns. If I miss a patch on my face, that's just my coworkers who have to suffer. If I miss a patch on my legs, I'm bound to notice just as my head frops as The V is escaping my body.

    After you get used to the safety razor (they really are just as safe as the cheap ones) sit down and do the math. I was amazed at how much cheaper they turn out to be compared to the HYPER TURBO MACH EIGHTEEN SUPER FAST ULTRA whatever

    @PeakinTwoYears couldn't agree more. I liken it to making espresso. I used to have a beautiful little Francis X1 and a burr grinder. Bought my beans from a cool place that roast every Friday morning and that hadn't had a refit since 1965. It took me 8 or 9 minutes each morning to make an espresso. It wasn't perfect every day; sometimes I over tamped, sometimes under, but when I got it right it was like angels dancing on my tongue. Then I had kids and 8 or 9 minutes in the morning felt like a lifetime. I sold out... Bought a Nespresso machine, discovered the Dharkan espresso pod which is  rated 11, just like the amp in Spinal Tap! My machine makes wonderful espresso every time, but...it is soulless. I don't love it like I truly loved my X1. We find pleasure in life by things not being easy, "if it's easy it ain't worth having" just like in cycling. I love a fast descent, but shit as I am at climbing, it's where I find pleasure. The pleasure is in the difficulty and the challenge. The Nespresso is going on ebay!!

    There's a great quote in It Might Get Loud by Jack White; he says something to the effect that technology makes life easier, but it doesn't make someone a more creative person. I love that sentiment; the implication that a fight makes you want something more and when you want something more you try harder. He then goes on to talk about the eighties and engineers spending weeks getting the perfect gate on a snare drum mic instead of musicians focussing on playing music.

    Then you figure into that the engineers talking about recording Stevie Ray Vaughan; they stopped trying to have the band play in separate rooms and overdubbing and all that to get a cleaner recording; the simple fact was that whenever Stevie played with headphones, he'd get into the music and start wandering around the room as he played and trip over the cables. It was worth having some bleed just to have the band play from the heart and finish without someone falling over.

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