Velominati: You Must Obey

What motivates a Velominatus?  It seems a simple question, but the answer is complicated and gets into various issues that are neither interesting nor compelling.

For me, cycling has been a life-long obsession.  I enjoy any kind of riding.  I enjoy technical, single-track mountain biking, I enjoy riding on dirt roads or wide trails.  I enjoy commuting by bike, and I enjoy riding my bike to the local markets. I love riding an old clunker bike around a city like Amsterdam.  But my heart has always belonged to road cycling.

When I was a kid, my dream was to start a frame-building business.  In my free time, I sketched bicycles – anything from standard road bikes to exotic time trial machines.  I even designed logos for my imagined company, humbly named Strack Cycles.  When not designing frames, the next priority was to dream up the names and kits for the teams Strack Cycles would invariably sponsor.

When time allowed during the Summer months, I would go for multiple training rides per day, some on the road, and some off. Officially a Nordic ski racer, I realized that I had become a cyclist when the shortening of the days as Fall approached was met with dread that the cycling season was coming to a close rather than excitement for the imminent ski season.

Long hours on the road bike were filled with fantasies of being in day-long solo breakaways at the Tour de France; motivation to climb aboard my bike in the rain was eased by imagining I was racing in a Belgian Spring classic.

Such are the motivations of this particular Velominatus.

Then came Velominati.  We've carried on long conversations.  We've established our own vernacular. Most of us are probably on some psychiatric “People of Interest” list.  And, we have our own kit. In addition to bearing the Velominati colors and logos, the kit bears various details that only those of us in the know will appreciate:  the “Obey the Rules” emblem appears in various places, and the right leg of the bibs bear three Rules, referred to only by number and oriented such that they are legible for the wearer.  We modestly believe it to be the most awesomest kit on the planet, ever.

A non-nondescript box greeted me upon my arrival home from work yesterday.  The box bore a simple, handwritten note: “Velominati – You Must Obey”, signalling the arrival of the first order of the Velominati Kit (which leads me to believe the folks at Castelli subscribe to Rules Holism). My hands were shaking as I opened the box and gazed in at the oblique realization of a lifelong dream.

With that, I present the Velominati kit, made by Castelli and designed by KRX-10. We'll be placing more orders throughout the year, so just drop us a line if you'd like to put the whole Rule #17 issue to bed and fly the Velominati colors.

UPDATE: I have updated the set of photos in the post to more accurately reflect the colors of the actual kit.  The kit is black, and in no way brownish or purple, as some of the photos appear to be.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Velominati Kit Arrival/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Marko
    Thanks for making me feel better and to top it off I misquoted myself:

    "New term in the lexicon for now you will be "climbing like an eagle" to completely confuse the competition?"

    Should have read:
    "New term in the lexicon: You will be climbing like a "frozen potato!" for you will be "climbing like an eagle" to completely confuse the competition?"

    On the card thing if the committees approve how about just "Obey the Rules" and a web address?

  • @Rob, @Marko
    I took the box inside, unpacked it, put on one of the kits, had Michelle photograph me, packed and shipped all the kits, wrote the article, and posted the photos all without ever, once, noticing the frozen potatoes.

    Not until Timo made the comment did I notice.

    So none of you feel bad on that.

  • @frank See above - I think my plan when I wear the kit (by the way never on "Sweet Pea") is to bury the competition so there are no Questions!

  • Rethink on the card thing while the adds are on...

    VELOMINATI
    -Keepers of the Cog-
    "OBEY THE RULES"

    http://www.velominati.com
    Rule #1 Obey the Rules, Rule #5 HTFU, Rule# 10 It never gets easier you just go faster.

  • Okay, so I've been mulling over this card idea. It's pretty important to me because of this new v-cog tattoo of mine. I've gotten a couple questions on it and have realized that telling people it's a cycling blog I contribute to just isn't enough. I ,of course, know it's much more than that as do you all. We are not a blog or just a group of cyclists. We are the velominati. So to this end, I've decided I will give the following the answer when asked about the new tat. Of course, it'll work well for the kit too:

    A velominatus is a cycling disciple of the highest order. We spend our days pouring over the very essence of what makes cycling such a special sport and how that essence fits into cycling's colorful fabric. This is the Velominati's raison d'être. This is our agony - our badge of honor - our sin. There is a blog but the road is where the Velominati can be themselves.

  • @Marko
    Amen to that. I would only suggest adding an optional final sentence, to be used only where it appears needed, along the lines of "Now - HTFU and ride."

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