I thought I was the only one. It was a truth I admitted to myself only in the darkest hours of the night, when you lie awake and are faced by those haunting thoughts that are otherwise whisked away before they float to the surface.
But now, I can say it: I am afraid of crashing. Especially of equipment failure. I never climb aboard my bike without having made a cursory check of all important parts: inflate the tires, check the headset, check the brake pads, bolts and cables, check the quick-releases. (There is something in the name “Quick-Release” that unnerves me and forces me to harbor a doubt that they will release suddenly and unexpectedly.)
I’ve been particularly nervous about it the last week or so. This year, I’ve noted that I’m descending and cornering faster; my confidence in my bike handling skills having skyrocketed since picking up mountain biking again. In the last week, I switched to a new pair of shoe (the White Ladies, passed on to me by John), and since doing so I’ve occasionally been clipping out of my inside pedal when leaning into a turn. It turns out that having your foot attached to your pedal contributes considerably towards staying upright. (On a side note, I wonder what the connection is there?)
Crashing is part of cycling and, like most of us, I’ve spent my time on the tarmac. Sometimes bad, sometimes not so bad. Like the time when I borrowed an English friend’s bike and pulled on the front break instead of the rear. And the time I overshot a corner racing my sister down a mountain in New York. Sometimes you pick yourself up and ride home, other times you head to the hospital.
The risks increase when racing, of course, and the scariest of all my crashes was the first time I went down in a bunch during a race. (I’d like to take this moment to thank the guy who thought he’d win the race by going through a non-existent gap from the middle of the field in the middle of the race.) The first time you find yourself suddenly laying on the road being hit and fallen on by other cyclists is a moment that is occupied not by any realization of what is happening but instead by trying to assemble the fragments of information being sent to your brain. You first become aware of what happened after you stop moving and continue to hear the wheels whizzing by your head as the rest of the riders (hopefully) avoid the carnage. The feeling of helplessness is particularly acute as the desire to remove yourself from the road washes over you.
But watching the Pros, they seem to take it in stride. I long held the view that after crashing so often, they have grown accustomed to it and generally don’t mind hitting the deck. They are hardened by the reality of their occupation and get on with their job. But I was happy to read a piece in the New York Times that said otherwise. Jens Voigt, cycling legend, hardman extraordinaire, and Velominati hero, is also afraid of crashing, as it turns out. Not only that, but so are the other Pros.
No matter how long you’ve been in this sport, there’s always that fear of crashing in the back of your mind, especially in the rain.
Crashing, as we are all aware of, is not a very pleasant experience. Everybody is scared of it, no matter who they are.
Not a very pleasant experience? There’s an understatement. I would say that crashing ranges anywhere from “Sucking” to “Fucking Terrifying” on the “Bad Things That Happen” scale.
That that in mind, take this spectator video of Boonen’s crash in the Tour of California. The riders yelling just before the fall, and the distance they slide is rattling. The callousness of the fan who scampers over to pick up Boonen’s bike with no interest in the rider’s well being before yelling at his friend to photograph him “quick” like it’s some sort of trophy is staggering.
Obviously not a cyclist, that one, because cyclists cringe and relive their own crashes any time they see a fellow Velominatus go down.
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Went down this morning. Puncture, turn, and the bike went out from under me (saddle wound up at 9 o'clock). Some nice road rash on right shoulder and hip, hole in the ankle of my sock, and sprained left thumb (still trying to work that one out). Wasn't going more than 20km/h, but it was precisely the equipment failure mentioned in the piece above. Not 10 minutes before I was descending a winding hill at 50-60km/h, so it could have been worse. My first thought as I slid across the tarmac was: "The bike! I hope the bike's okay." Worried about a somewhat mangled front wheel, I walked the last km home (end of the ride and not far from home"”it could have been a lot worse). Along the walk, I reflected on the surreal, slow motion experience of it all: it all happened so fast and yet so slowly. And after I discovered no rip in my shorts, I was surprised how much I actually relished the pain. Nobody wants to come off their bike, and I take pride in my bike-handling abilities, but this is a part of riding. The real test, I suppose, comes tomorrow morning...
@Steampunk
Yeah, you mean tomorrow morning when you realize that every single organ in your body is in a slightly different configuration, and you realize the original spot they were in felt better?
Sounds like a nasty little crash. I've been going harder and harder in the turns. I'm holding my breath.
Well, once your sweet Velominati kit comes, you'll be thinking a dual thought - "The bike and kit! I hope they're OK!"
@frank
Actually, no. Hoping that I don't find myself being too cautious and tentative tomorrow. Overthinking the ride and every turn and descent. Crash wasn't nearly so bad as to upset innards, and I've been running around all afternoon and waiting to apply some new bar tape (the only real casualty) once the little 'uns are tucked up.
I crashed on my way to work this past Monday. I was crossing a draw-bridge just after the rain stopped. The bridge was the kind that the roadway surface is a steel grid, constructed to resemble a cheese grater, more or less. As I was going down, I was having visions of the mess I was going to make of myself. That kind of surface will truly grind you up. And they are slippery as snot when wet.
With immense good fortune, I managed to slide over near the side, and went down on the sidewalk. Only some minor road rash.
A friend crashed on a similar bridge a few years ago and spent a long time in the hospital getting skin grafts, etc.
I had my first serious crash yesterday, despite riding pretty regularly for the past six years or so. Powering downhill, I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but the chain dropped off the crankset, and seconds later I was skidding across the road. Fortunately I had an opportunity to apply Rule V, get back on, and ride home, much to the amazement of the girl I was with. She doesn't yet understand Rule XI, clearly.
@Chang He
Good to hear you are okay and even better to hear you impressed the girl. As far as crashes go, not to shabby.
@Cyclops
50mph!!! (Of course you mean 80kph) It's strange but while on the flat with some wind from behind I can get to about 55kph and it's not scary. Descending at 55kph terrifies me - well I'm getting a bit more confident after about 8 months on a road bike but I always descend on the hoods. Thankfully I have read this discussion and have learned that this could be my downfall. It's been because sitting higher causes more wind resistance and I find it easier to reach the brakes. After my shower this morning I'm going to adjust my brakes so they're easier to reach in the drops and meditate on descending as in Rule#85. AMercx.
I seem to have terrible luck when cycling, I have only been riding 6 months but spend a disproportionate amount of time on the tarmac. The fist was entirely my own fault, I had been invited to a houseparty and decided that I wasn't too bothered about drinking but wanted to show off my shiny new bicycle. Bad idea. Numerous pints of beer and a bottle of tequila later I set off to ride home, forgot the helmet and could not see a thing on dark lanes but I had alcohol induced confidence. (This was also my first ever journey with clipless pedals) I put my wheel down an open drain and flung myself off at 45KPH and landed directly on my cheekbone, took all the skin off my hands and broken a rib, I haven't really drank since, very stupid idea. The second big one was two weeks ago, I was descending a hill and a tractor towing a trailer full of potatoes was going the other way, as it went round a corner many of the potatoes fell off and one hit me directly in the testicles, I went onto a hedge where I promptly curled up into a ball and did a lot of shouting. While I was down there a bee decided it would sting me on the leg. Should I just give up?
@luke
Statistically speaking, you should be bullet proof for the next year, but I would steer clear of potatoes just in case.
@luke
You could look at this in one of two ways, firstly; given that they say these things come in threes, your best bet would be to pack up your shiny new bike and ship it to me. Then retire to bed, it'll be safer that way.
On the other hand, while no crash is ever enjoyable, your telling of the second does have good comedy value. I look forward to hearing about the third.