Frank on the track in Gent. 2 minutes sucked enough, why an Hour? Photo: @brettok

Update: You can watch the live stream (assuming it works from the velodrome) on the Velominati channel at USTREAM. When you log in, you’ll first see my little test video of my puppy eating grass. Please disregard me yelling at it. That never happened.

I have always considered myself to have a good imagination, something I attribute half to my genetics, half to my upbringing, and half to Lego. Despite this supposed creativity of mine, I am utterly incapable of conceiving how much I will suffer on Festum Prophetae. It might be that I’m too much of an optimist, but more likely is the explanation my darling VMH gives: I’m an idiot.

An example that comes to mind prominently would be my trilogy of efforts up Haleakala. I too easily forget the suffering, despite the videos and photos that speak quite plainly on the subject. And that actually happened. I experienced it. Still, the pain fades quickly and right now I feel like having another go.

I also rode a one kilometer Pursuit on the track in Gent on Keepers Tour (twice). Just the kind of good, non-competitive fun that lets you go so hard you suffer minor convulsions afterwards. Granted, a one-kilometer effort is about the worst event you can imagine for an old diesel like me, who doesn’t start heaping coals on the fire until I’ve been in the saddle for a good number of hours. Two minutes nearly killed me, so I should try doing the same thing for three orders of magnitude longer. (Pedant alert: The times were well under two minutes but that makes the math much more complicated and the suffering no less significant.)

The Hour Record has fascinated me more than any other event. I read about the records set by Coppi, Merckx, and Moser, but missed experiencing them in real time (Steep Hill.tv didn’t exist yet, and also I wasn’t alive for two of those.) I was, however, lucky enough to live through the Hour Record’s Golden Age in the 90’s when the widespread use of EPO and the wholesale negligence of the UCI meant frame builders were at liberty to design whatever speedy abomination they wished, and riders were willing to saddle up and lay the hammer down ad infinitum. Lets see who’s blood vessels pop first!

The doping is exaggerated; Boardman might have been clean and was probably just stupid. Obree was definitely clean and certainly stupid. Indurain was definitely doped, definitely not stupid. Rominger was dirty as a Wall Street Mortgage Broker, and a semi-genius. The game was afoot, and back and forth they went: New record! Record falls…New record! Record falls…It was fantastic. In my memory, I was much more enamored with the Hour than I was with the Tour. 

I had the ambition to honor last year’s Festum with an Hour Ride (I won’t call it a Record), but factors outside my control (last minute panic to organize time on a track after leaving it too late) conspired against the effort. This year, I planned ahead a bit more.

In honor of what I consider to be the standard-setting Hour Record by The Prophet on what amounted to little more than standard track equipment at the time – not to mention, without the aid of genetics-altering drugs – I will be flogging my guts out for 60 minutes on the Alpenrose Track at 3pm on Saturday, June 15. Mark at Veloforma will be loaning me a Pista Pro for the ride, seeing as I have no track bike (or experience to speak of).

Anyone who wishes to come see a tall fat guy ride a bike badly for 60 minutes is welcome to come down and watch. I understand @scaler911 will be documenting the event. There is even a rumored appearance of my VMH who is a bit of a Snuffleupagus around these parts. If she attends, I will have her fill the role of Ole Ritter’s wife in The Impossible Hour and step forward for every lap I’m ahead of schedule and step backward for every lap that I’m behind schedule. She’s a strong woman not accustomed to walking backwards, but I’m sure she’ll do fine.

Merry Festum Prophetae, one and all. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Daily update.  Only one new added entrant.  Getting closer!

    Name
    Distance
     

    Sauterelle
    34
     

    V-olcano
    35
     

    Russ
    35.55
     

    Hashola
    36
     

    Brett
    36.666
     

    Velovita
    36.84
     

    Mikael Liddy
    36.85
     

    Spun Up
    37.15
     

    actor1
    37.256
     

    ten B
    37.3
     

    Rob
    37.4
     

    Giles
    37.43
     

    the-farmer
    37.5
     

    Jamie
    37.6
     

    Nate
    37.75
     

    starclimber
    37.777
     

    Skip
    37.9
     

    lordmoos3
    37.9895
     

    Wookie
    38.0878
     

    RedRanger
    38.1
     

    cal
    38.123
     

    strathlubnaig
    38.16
     

    TBONE
    38.2
     

    piwakawaka
    38.25
     

    buck rogers
    38.42
     

    il ciclista medio
    38.47
     

    BarTapeMummy
    38.56
     

    Marcus
    38.7
     

    Smith
    38.79
     

    titirangisi
    38.91
     

    mcsqueak
    39
     

    mouse
    39.11
     

    eenies
    39.25
     

    grumbledook
    39.37
     

    oneninefiveninesix
    39.5
     

    Tobin
    39.7
     

    Chris
    39.99
     

    minion
    40
     

    Andrian
    40.01
     

    itburns
    40.05
     

    Don Amedo
    40.25
     

    Nero
    40.35
     

    ErikdR
    40.4
     

    El Mateo
    40.47
     

    motor city
    40.55
     

    Steampunk
    40.73
     

    JohnB
    40.774
     

    Engine
    40.9
     

    seemunkee
    40.9
     

    scaler911
    40.95
     

    Lukas
    41
     

    mlambert1us
    41.295
     

    freddy
    41.35
     

    midlife-cyclist
    41.4
     

    niksch
    41.555
     

    sthilzy
    41.6
     

    JACD214
    41.71
     

    Gianni
    41.87
     

    eightzero
    41.9
     

    anotherdownunder
    42
     

    xyxax
    42.23
     

    Dan_R
    42.336
     

    wiscot
    43.5
     

    ChrisO
    43.7
     

    G'rilla
                            DNF

  • Frank, what sort of riding/training are you doing this week? Wondering if you are resting the guns, doing light rides, doing the Fignon Man with the Hammer rides or what.

    Also, building up the Gravel Rig has me thinking your lack of an in-house mechanic could factor into this.

    36.9.

    I wonder if you try and measure your effort or do you Prophetize it and go full gas full time?

  • @Ron

    Did 8 hour Fignon ride yesterday. One cliff bar, two bidons. The Man with the Hammer came swiftly at about 6 hours in.

    i'll add some interval work tomorrow, easy ride Friday. Rest has never worked that well for me, and my form is a little behind at the moment....

  • @Ron

    I wonder if you try and measure your effort or do you Prophetize it and go full gas full time?

    oh, and I plan to start hard, finish hard. As for the middle, well, I plan to go hard.

  • @frank

    @Ron

    I wonder if you try and measure your effort or do you Prophetize it and go full gas full time?

    oh, and I plan to start hard, finish hard. As for the middle, well, I plan to go hard.

    Frank, I might have to revise my time... Yes I know its pure Rule #5 and #10 but only the Prophet and a select few can stick to that program. May I suggest you start casually deliberate, then build to mildly enthusiastic and finish like a hurricane!

    Hey just curious, how much time have you spent on a track and fixed...?

  • Daily update.  Get your picks in soon, only two days left!

    Name
    Distance
     

    Sauterelle
    34
     

    V-olcano
    35
     

    Russ
    35.55
     

    Hashola
    36
     

    ped
    36.2
     

    Brett
    36.666
     

    Velovita
    36.84
     

    Mikael Liddy
    36.85
     

    Ron
    36.9
     

    Spun Up
    37.15
     

    actor1
    37.256
     

    ten B
    37.3
     

    Rob
    37.4
     

    Giles
    37.43
     

    the-farmer
    37.5
     

    Jamie
    37.6
     

    Nate
    37.75
     

    starclimber
    37.777
     

    Skip
    37.9
     

    lordmoos3
    37.9895
     

    Wookie
    38.0878
     

    RedRanger
    38.1
     

    cal
    38.123
     

    strathlubnaig
    38.16
     

    TBONE
    38.2
     

    piwakawaka
    38.25
     

    buck rogers
    38.42
     

    Deakus
    38.43
     

    il ciclista medio
    38.47
     

    BarTapeMummy
    38.56
     

    Marcus
    38.7
     

    Smith
    38.79
     

    titirangisi
    38.91
     

    mcsqueak
    39
     

    mouse
    39.11
     

    eenies
    39.25
     

    grumbledook
    39.37
     

    oneninefiveninesix
    39.5
     

    Tobin
    39.7
     

    Chris
    39.99
     

    minion
    40
     

    Andrian
    40.01
     

    itburns
    40.05
     

    Don Amedo
    40.25
     

    Nero
    40.35
     

    ErikdR
    40.4
     

    El Mateo
    40.47
     

    motor city
    40.55
     

    Steampunk
    40.73
     

    JohnB
    40.774
     

    Engine
    40.9
     

    seemunkee
    40.9
     

    scaler911
    40.95
     

    Lukas
    41
     

    mlambert1us
    41.295
     

    freddy
    41.35
     

    midlife-cyclist
    41.4
     

    niksch
    41.555
     

    sthilzy
    41.6
     

    JACD214
    41.71
     

    Gianni
    41.87
     

    eightzero
    41.9
     

    anotherdownunder
    42
     

    xyxax
    42.23
     

    Dan_R
    42.336
     

    wiscot
    43.5
     

    ChrisO
    43.7
     

    G'rilla
                            DNF

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