Festum Prophetae: The Impossible Hour
Update: You can watch the live stream (assuming it works from the velodrome) on the Velominati channel at USTREAM. When you log in, you’ll first see my little test video of my puppy eating grass. Please disregard me yelling at it. That never happened.
I have always considered myself to have a good imagination, something I attribute half to my genetics, half to my upbringing, and half to Lego. Despite this supposed creativity of mine, I am utterly incapable of conceiving how much I will suffer on Festum Prophetae. It might be that I’m too much of an optimist, but more likely is the explanation my darling VMH gives: I’m an idiot.
An example that comes to mind prominently would be my trilogy of efforts up Haleakala. I too easily forget the suffering, despite the videos and photos that speak quite plainly on the subject. And that actually happened. I experienced it. Still, the pain fades quickly and right now I feel like having another go.
I also rode a one kilometer Pursuit on the track in Gent on Keepers Tour (twice). Just the kind of good, non-competitive fun that lets you go so hard you suffer minor convulsions afterwards. Granted, a one-kilometer effort is about the worst event you can imagine for an old diesel like me, who doesn’t start heaping coals on the fire until I’ve been in the saddle for a good number of hours. Two minutes nearly killed me, so I should try doing the same thing for three orders of magnitude longer. (Pedant alert: The times were well under two minutes but that makes the math much more complicated and the suffering no less significant.)
The Hour Record has fascinated me more than any other event. I read about the records set by Coppi, Merckx, and Moser, but missed experiencing them in real time (Steep Hill.tv didn’t exist yet, and also I wasn’t alive for two of those.) I was, however, lucky enough to live through the Hour Record’s Golden Age in the 90’s when the widespread use of EPO and the wholesale negligence of the UCI meant frame builders were at liberty to design whatever speedy abomination they wished, and riders were willing to saddle up and lay the hammer down ad infinitum. Lets see who’s blood vessels pop first!
The doping is exaggerated; Boardman might have been clean and was probably just stupid. Obree was definitely clean and certainly stupid. Indurain was definitely doped, definitely not stupid. Rominger was dirty as a Wall Street Mortgage Broker, and a semi-genius. The game was afoot, and back and forth they went: New record! Record falls…New record! Record falls…It was fantastic. In my memory, I was much more enamored with the Hour than I was with the Tour.
I had the ambition to honor last year’s Festum with an Hour Ride (I won’t call it a Record), but factors outside my control (last minute panic to organize time on a track after leaving it too late) conspired against the effort. This year, I planned ahead a bit more.
In honor of what I consider to be the standard-setting Hour Record by The Prophet on what amounted to little more than standard track equipment at the time – not to mention, without the aid of genetics-altering drugs – I will be flogging my guts out for 60 minutes on the Alpenrose Track at 3pm on Saturday, June 15. Mark at Veloforma will be loaning me a Pista Pro for the ride, seeing as I have no track bike (or experience to speak of).
Anyone who wishes to come see a tall fat guy ride a bike badly for 60 minutes is welcome to come down and watch. I understand @scaler911 will be documenting the event. There is even a rumored appearance of my VMH who is a bit of a Snuffleupagus around these parts. If she attends, I will have her fill the role of Ole Ritter’s wife in The Impossible Hour and step forward for every lap I’m ahead of schedule and step backward for every lap that I’m behind schedule. She’s a strong woman not accustomed to walking backwards, but I’m sure she’ll do fine.
Merry Festum Prophetae, one and all. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
I’m surprised at all the estimates below 40km.
I can do a steady hour at 38km in training – that’s an average output of around 240W and wouldn’t really be getting above 85% for the most part. And I’m about the same height and weight as Frank.
His average on Haleakala was 227W, but that’s over three and a half hours. If you lose 10-15% per hour then for an hour in a controlled environment he should be around 280-300W.
Allowing for unfamiliarity on track and bike, I reckon his lower end target should be about 41.8 and the upper 45.6 so I’ll pitch it in between at 43.7km.
If it’s under 40km then it would be better to just tell us you had a mechanical.
Have to go with “The Answer to Everything” : 42.
@Buck Rogers
Glass rasised sir!
Way to go, Frank. That truly is a gutsy undertaking. Petje af.
40.4 km.
Good luck old chap, that’s certainly a fine way to mark Festum Phopetae!
Very cool to get advice from Obree too.
My money would be on you making it north of the 40km mark.
@Chris
The Hutchinson book is a good read btw, very amsuing written too.
@936adl And it’s only 99p on ebay.
@Ron Looking good there, sir – nice touch with the motion blur in the background – good Photo!
Just searching images of Alpenrose track (it looks gnarly) I found a picture of the bike they’ve picked for frank:
my guess is 40.55KM.
@936adl @Chris He is worth following on twitter as well: @doctor_hutch
@ChrisO
Agreed. As an ex-TT guy, to do a 40km TT under an hour was a decent ride but not totally unknown and that was on regular roads with roundabouts etc. We all know Frank’s claims of being old and fat are BS and let’s be honest, if he wasn’t up for a great ride, he’d hardly be telling us all about it. The sly Dutch Monkey’s probably been training for this forever and isn’t going to make an arse of himself. Yes, it’ll be awful and Frank will bury himself to Roche-like levels of exhaustion, but he will do over 40kms, of that I’m positive. Reconsider your estimates, o ye of little faith in the Dutch Monkey.
@wiscot
It looks like he’s also been getting used to the fixed wheel concept on the track.
@ChrisO
The track record set in 2006 by a ex-Cat I/ domestic pro is 44.64. On a aero-bar equipped bike. Alpenrose is outdoors, short and steep. I have a ton of faith in how hard Frank will go, but the current record is very solid for our local track.
@scaler911
And I sincerely hope that you guys prove me wrong.
Thanks to the Prophet for inspiring this event. Thanks to Frank for figuring out ways to keep us entertained. Condolences to Buck for his loss.
Time, distance all relative to the entertainment value. Vomit? Learning that there is quite a large amount of schadenfreude in the V community!
@Buck Rogers
Sorry to hear that – glass raised
40.9 km
@seemunkee
Or Marinoni’s 35.728 at 75 years old– one of our Canadian cycling icons:
75-79 35.728 Giuseppe Marinoni (75) CAN 2012 20.10.2012 Montichiari ITA
@frank You are crazy and once again raising the bar for the V community. Best of luck.
41.35
@minion
Yes, what gears will be used? I run 90.5 (48*14) and in 3 minute intervals last night was averaging 43.4km/hr, in zone 5. Which hurt, quite a bit. No way I could keep that up for an hour. I reckon I could churn out 39ish with relative ‘comfort’ with that ratio. This reminds me that I need to upgrade my wheels.
Today’s updated list. Minion, I put you down for 40 km flat as that is what your earlier post inferred. If you do not want that and want another distance, let me know. Some of you have the same distance out to the 10th of a kilometer but no one that I can see on a quick review has the same distance out to the 100th of a kilometer as of yet. And what the fuck is up with some of these names on here? Lastly, did I forget to mention how much of a pain in the ass this is! My respct for the VSP keepers grows daily.
Name
Distance
buck rogers
38.42
Engine
40.9
strathlubnaig
38.16
mcsqueak
39
midlife-cyclist
41.4
Tobin
39.7
mlambert1us
41.295
RedRanger
38.1
JohnB
40.774
grumbledook
39.37
TBONE
38.2
El Mateo
40.47
wiscot
43.5
Nate
37.75
Smith
38.79
lordmoos3
37.9895
the-farmer
37.5
Dan_R
42.336
itburns
40.05
Marcus
38.7
Skip
37.9
Jamie
37.5
sthilzy
41.6
Don Amedo
40.25
Brett
36.666
G’rilla
DNF
Mikael Liddy
36.85
V-olcano
35
titirangisi
38.91
cal
38.123
il ciclista medio
38.47
Giles
37.43
Rob
37.4
scaler911
40.95
BarTapeMummy
38.56
minion
40
piwakawaka
38.25
Chris
39.99
ten B
37.3
ChrisO
43.7
anotherdownunder
42
ErikdR
40.4
motor city
40.55
seemunkee
40.9
freddy
41.35
@Russ
Thanks all. He arrived home to his family last night. The funeral/burial will be at Arlington in three weeks. This is the last time I’ll mention it b/c it is not cycling related but I do thank you for remembering him one last time, and hell, any excuse to drink is a good one, right? Sean would have thought so.
@Buck Rogers
Glass raised in silent salute, @Buck
And +1 with regard to respect for the VSP keepers. I’ve often marvelled at this: even with people coming up with all kinds of weird nicknames for riders, they seem to be able to work it out. Baffles me completely every time – but chapeau. (For the record: if you are the most computer-challenged person in this community, I reckon I come in a close second)
@Buck Rogers
Our posts here have to be Cycling related? Nonsense! This sort of thing deserves to be mentioned and should be mentioned. Again, our condolences. I’m glad he has come home for the last time.
@Buck Rogers So what does the winner get? A badge? Frank’s sweaty V socks?
@frank
That makes two of us then.
Confirmed: I’ll be filming this event, one of the biggest sporting events to occur in Portland in maybe ever.
Live streaming? A possibility.
@wiscot
Frank’s socks are bound for the V Cycling Hall of Fame, I believe (I just made that shit up but it sounds good, no?)
I think Frank mentioned a V pint to the winner but I am in it just to add pressure onto Frank with everyone picking him over 40 k’s for the hour. FUCK! Glad it is not me doing it!
@G’rilla
You’re kidding about the possiblity of livestreaming, right? (I have been known to be very gullible in the past)
Either way, AWESOME about the video!
@scaler911 That is a colossally dumb idea. As such, I fully endorse it.
Hey Fronk, you just need a little Digital EPO!
@motor city
That’s local Trailblazer legend Bill Walton (who was on the team for our only National Champ if you care about such things)
He was a hipster before hipster was cool.
good luck, fronke. my guess:
37.256 km
@scaler911
If seen him on rides in Death Valley. His bike is pretty amazing and having him stand on the side of the road arms in the air cheering you on gives you a real boost. He hangs around the finish and chats with everyone and poses for photos, really friendly guy.
I guess 40.35k. Good luck Frank!
@ChrisO
This was exactly how I was thinking to make a guess, using Bike Calculator and his Haleakala climb to estimate watts over one hour (couldn’t decide between 275 and 300).
The gadget spits out 40.23 and I’ll add 2 km for being on a track because the cosine of the hypotenuse is the apostrophe,
42.23
@Buck Rogers
On this anniversary of the Day of Days, to you and your friend, and our brother warrior!
@freddy
@Frank, do not be intimidated by Marinoni’s record. He is a former pro and produces some of the finest steel bikes in existence (and that’s why I fought to get them in our shop). And he was inside on a gorgeous set of boards. You will be fighting the wind and concrete – like a boss. Or a complete gibbled mess. Either way, it will be fun!
@frank Oh yeah. In honour of your effort and The Prophet’s birthday, we at CR will be holding our first official shop ride on that Sunday. If anyone is in the Calgary area that weekend, come and join us. I will keep the details on our FB, this is not an official Cogal, but the V are invited.
@Buck Rogers
Correct – a V-Pint. I will either make a custom one as a prize or send a standard one to the winner. Depending on how happy I am with my time, I may or may not lick the pint first.
@ChrisO
Very scientific and ignoring the fact that the small track is slower and a fixed wheel more exhausting, your logic in transferring a road ride in the middle east to a track in the PNW is flawless.
Seriously, though, I thought those Strava watts were wild guesses when you don’t have a power meter?
We will see next week whether I have a mechanical. It could be my RD gets stuck in my spokes or something.
@Nate
Brilliant.
@scaler911
I’ve given it more thought. No fucking way.
@Dan_R
Hey, what’s the reasoning behind the toe clip strap over the shoe and onto the clipless pedal? Just to make sure I am properly fucked if I crash?
@frank
Would this suggest that my belief that, south of the equator, track cyclists circle in the opposite direction might also be flawed?
@frank
Because fixed gear bikes are way easier to unclip from since you never coast. And besides, you need to have the actual bike attached to you during the last 5min when you’re crawling on your elbows through your spit and vomit, getting the last couple metres in.
40.73k
@Frank Well I will find out for sure next week when I get a power meter – but, people I ride with who have them reckon the average seems good. At any given point it may be a wild guess but over a period of time it seems to get it right.
And as they say in the training books – watts are watts, uphill, downhill, Dubai or Des Moines.
What gearing are you going to use … Or should that not be asked ?
@frank
Power/speed calculator app is really a wild guess too, so they should cancel each other out and give absolute accuracy.
@xyxax
Interesting that you mention that. I’m planning to ride the hour record on the same day, at the same time, on the same track. But in the opposite direction.
@G’rilla
oooh, G’rilla vs. The Dutch Monkey in “Death Match III, When Hours Collide”