Categories: Racing

Gianni’s Carbon Ball: Sir Twiggo

All Haul Ass. Photo: Sirotti

The glow from the Giro is still visible, everything is still pink but I’m jumping ahead of all the Wilcocksons of the world with a bold Tour de France prognostication. And to do this  I’ve borrowed Frank’s carbon ball, oft used for somewhat accurate predictions of future cycling events. This article was written weeks ago, at the start of the Giro but the frenzy of creative writing out of the front office has kept this buried. It’s now or never.

What can you say about Twiggo? I can say he is heading towards a win in the Tour de France this year.

I have raised issues with a rubbish haircut and cycling knee socks but these are superficial stylistic issues. Who am I to do that? I’m shiet. We need as many free thinkers as possible in cycling and if Bradley or Vaughters have different sideburns, excellent. Conformity is over-rated. Forget the socks, have you noticed his profile on the bike. He has the flattest back in the peloton and not by chance. I bet he and Sky are ticking every stinking little box to get this done.

He won Paris-Nice riding like a true professional, taking up Moser’s method of cooling down after each climbing stage by riding a stationary bike. He won Tour of Romandie like a seasoned veteran and won a field sprint for a stage win! He is winning these on his time trailing strength but not losing them by always riding at the front and climbing well enough. Yes, the Tour is different, the climbs are harder but he is a better climber than the Schlecks are time trialists. He did podium in last year’s Vuelta. He is experienced enough to not chase down every acceleration on a stiff climb, he just tempos it out, smoothing out the highs and lows. Bradley is one smart rider.

How does he stack up against Cadel? That is the question better informed people than myself would hope to answer correctly. Cadel’s mojo has been tainted so far this year and the Tour is still far away but mojo is mojo and his is bad. If Basso does not make the top five in the Giro, my mojo indicator is working and I’ll stand by it. Sorry Australia, you had a good (but short) run. English types, enjoy these years, they won’t last. They never do. And you from Luxembourg, we will talk in private.

The internal Sky problem of Cav versus Twiggo is solved -the Olympic road race is not far from the end of the Tour and Cav is the home field contender for Olympic gold. He will bail early, Sky will put their eggs in a basket made of Twiggs. How can I say these things with any authority? I can’t, I have none, look at my VSP points. But come the end of the Giro and Basso is smoking like a hippie’s motorbike, (which is a bad thing, not a good thing) then my mojo meter is obviously working and who has the big brain then?

Postscript: Basso did finish in the top five of the Giro, barely, so my mojo indicator is not completely tuned in. It could have something to do with the solar maximum. Twiggo has reported in from his secret base in the Atlantic that he has climbed to the moon and back, daily, so he is still ticking boxes. I’m still feeling good about all this.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • Pierre Roland, Tom Danielson and Jonny Hoogerland in a complete podium shakeup. You saw it here first.

    Sky aren't the only team with multiple egos to stroke.
    BMC would have hoped to get Thor and Giblets a bit of silverware (stoneware?) in the spring. Now they'll have to enter them as stage hunters and hope to get a result early on. Not to mention Ballan. Who knows how the team spirit is? Maybe Cadel could host a piano recital / dog grooming party to promote team bonding. Failing that there's always the fall back position of uniting against a common enemy: Is there an English rider to gang up against?

  • I like the Modfather, but he's done so much already this year, and he's getting a lot of press. Lots of press is a sign to me that one is in serious threat of buying high and selling low.

    Barring injury, I'll take Evans, I think. Maybe. Definite possibility.

    Wouldn't it be great if Nibali wins? No Italian makes the podium at the Giro, but one smacks down the world and takes the Yellow Jersey. I hope he at least stays in the fight to the end.

  • @Marcus

    Think cadel has been purposely quiet. He has been training the house down and in terms of preparation his diligence is second to none.

    I think Twiggo shows all the signs of too good too early. The Dauphine will be revealing. Evans will have improved but Wiggins will win and England will erupt in cyclings ultimate show of premature adulation.

    Evans will win out. Remember last year - no one tipped Evo for the Tour. yes Evans' early results were better but this year he was ill at races. Won't affect his form come Tour time.

    Yes, despite being one of those colonials ( beats me why they sent us out here, we got the better country in the end !! ) I do believe cuddles can back to back the lap of France... as for the other podium steps, cant rule out Mr Basso and that funny speaking dude thats 18ft tall from Canada ... believe he recently won some obscure race in italy....

  • @minion
    yeah baby, In the Loop, that was proper swearing. Those writers are doing a show on HBO and they have one guy on retainer who they use just to write killer swearing. I believe he is English.

  • Hey Bradley, John Lennon called and wants his hair back. I gotta get the rugger to bed, then I'm going to get into this.

  • @Gianni
    PS in another sign of how much we have to learn in our cycling knowledge, I guarantee Oli knows what a Cuznor is,and may even have coined the word.

  • @scaler911
    That was just an excuse for you to post a photo of a bloke (albeit a Gallagher) with long hair. Transgender issues abound for you Scaler

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