Categories: Racing

Gianni’s Carbon Ball: Sir Twiggo

All Haul Ass. Photo: Sirotti

The glow from the Giro is still visible, everything is still pink but I’m jumping ahead of all the Wilcocksons of the world with a bold Tour de France prognostication. And to do this  I’ve borrowed Frank’s carbon ball, oft used for somewhat accurate predictions of future cycling events. This article was written weeks ago, at the start of the Giro but the frenzy of creative writing out of the front office has kept this buried. It’s now or never.

What can you say about Twiggo? I can say he is heading towards a win in the Tour de France this year.

I have raised issues with a rubbish haircut and cycling knee socks but these are superficial stylistic issues. Who am I to do that? I’m shiet. We need as many free thinkers as possible in cycling and if Bradley or Vaughters have different sideburns, excellent. Conformity is over-rated. Forget the socks, have you noticed his profile on the bike. He has the flattest back in the peloton and not by chance. I bet he and Sky are ticking every stinking little box to get this done.

He won Paris-Nice riding like a true professional, taking up Moser’s method of cooling down after each climbing stage by riding a stationary bike. He won Tour of Romandie like a seasoned veteran and won a field sprint for a stage win! He is winning these on his time trailing strength but not losing them by always riding at the front and climbing well enough. Yes, the Tour is different, the climbs are harder but he is a better climber than the Schlecks are time trialists. He did podium in last year’s Vuelta. He is experienced enough to not chase down every acceleration on a stiff climb, he just tempos it out, smoothing out the highs and lows. Bradley is one smart rider.

How does he stack up against Cadel? That is the question better informed people than myself would hope to answer correctly. Cadel’s mojo has been tainted so far this year and the Tour is still far away but mojo is mojo and his is bad. If Basso does not make the top five in the Giro, my mojo indicator is working and I’ll stand by it. Sorry Australia, you had a good (but short) run. English types, enjoy these years, they won’t last. They never do. And you from Luxembourg, we will talk in private.

The internal Sky problem of Cav versus Twiggo is solved -the Olympic road race is not far from the end of the Tour and Cav is the home field contender for Olympic gold. He will bail early, Sky will put their eggs in a basket made of Twiggs. How can I say these things with any authority? I can’t, I have none, look at my VSP points. But come the end of the Giro and Basso is smoking like a hippie’s motorbike, (which is a bad thing, not a good thing) then my mojo meter is obviously working and who has the big brain then?

Postscript: Basso did finish in the top five of the Giro, barely, so my mojo indicator is not completely tuned in. It could have something to do with the solar maximum. Twiggo has reported in from his secret base in the Atlantic that he has climbed to the moon and back, daily, so he is still ticking boxes. I’m still feeling good about all this.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • @scaler911

    Hey Bradley, John Lennon called and wants his hair back. I gotta get the rugger to bed, then I'm going to get into this.

    The guy in the picture is a knob and unrepresentative of UK, well, the bits we cycle in anyway

  • Gianni, thanks for allowing us to publicly consider Twiggy as a true contender now - I am already sick with nerves, either waiting for him to crash, or watching him suffer helplessly against the attacks, as he plugs away at his high mountain TTing after Richie Porte and the boys have blown their gaskets - it will be a mentally torrid affair for all us Twiglets out there

    I wonder is it possible he will go at 95% in the Dauphine so as not to peak to early, after all, he is going for a double peak effectively, let Cuddles have the small pot, and then go for the motherfucker of all Tours in July

    I for one and very scared....

  • I reckon if Cadel doesn't come good Wiggins is as good a pick as anyone, if not better. And it would be great for cycling if a Pom won the Tour, let's face it.

  • The betting shops reckon Wiggins has a decent chance, I don't ever use these establishments but a month ago in need of a toilet (which I was going to need several times that week) I went in to William Hill and after using their services decided to put a fiver on Wiggins for le Tour win, only got 5-2.

  • Gianni youse constantly crack me up and because I can't be arsed to read more cycling stuff than this site I have little to add to the Lap of France (thanks Barracuda) discussion. All I know is that post vampire/beef juice the racing is fun again. Sure Wiggo has a good chance but my Boston roots mesh nicely with the Anglo trip and that basically means that like the Red Socks, yes they will win in a blue moon, but the English have a tendency to be and look great but in the end usually fail (all be it gloriously, if dying is glorious?).

  • @snoov

    The betting shops reckon Wiggins has a decent chance, I don't ever use these establishments but a month ago in need of a toilet (which I was going to need several times that week) I went in to William Hill and after using their services decided to put a fiver on Wiggins for le Tour win, only got 5-2.

    There are so many questions in here @snoov - do you not have a toilet in your house? Do you avoid crapping for lengthy periods of time and then catch up at William Hill's for a few days until its all cleared up and you can go back to storage mode?

    Anyway - the guys who set the odds are just being prudent. Wiggo will be well backed by certain segments of the population who don't just see William Hill as one up from a ditch and supplying toilet paper to boot (plucky English bloke showing foreigners the way - go on my son - that sort of thing) - as they are really easily parted from their cash not because they know anything. By this time the odds will reflect the amount wagered rather than the opinion of the William Hill guys who set the odds in the first place.

  • @the Engine
    To answer some of your questions:

    I have a toilet in my house.
    I use it at least once a day.
    I was working in a flat a few doors down from William Hill.
    All sanitary ware from the bathroom had been removed.

  • @snoov

    @the Engine
    To answer some of your questions:

    I have a toilet in my house.
    I use it at least once a day.
    I was working in a flat a few doors down from William Hill.
    All sanitary ware from the bathroom had been removed.

    Was it like the toilet in Trainspotting? I hope not . . .

    I'm afraid that Wiggo will do well in the Dauphine then the British "red top" tabloids will embrace and hail him as the winner presumptive. Then, if he fails to win in Paris, will turn on him with fury and scorn unabated. It's the red top way: build them up, the kick them down mercilessly.

  • eggs in a basket made of Twiggs...AWESOME!

    Winning that field sprint was awesome too. Damn, to see a tall, lanky bastard win a sprint was very, very impressive. Didn't know he had it in em.

    Gotta say that one thing that blows about modern cycling is the specialization we now have. I read that Cadel is the defended TdF champ. My first thought was, "Really?" It seems like so damn long ago that he won & that I actually saw him on a bike that I've kind of forgotten. That's not good. (not trying to insult the Oz-zies, but damn, the guy has gone missing, it seems.)

    Hmm, weeks away and I'm already pondering my VSP picks...

  • @wiscot
    Hehe, only after I'd used it, a la Lemond, I was desperate but no-one had a cycling cap to hand me. Thankfully the flush cleaned it nicely. TMI? Refer to Rule #V.

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