Categories: Racing

Gianni’s Carbon Ball: Sir Twiggo

All Haul Ass. Photo: Sirotti

The glow from the Giro is still visible, everything is still pink but I’m jumping ahead of all the Wilcocksons of the world with a bold Tour de France prognostication. And to do this  I’ve borrowed Frank’s carbon ball, oft used for somewhat accurate predictions of future cycling events. This article was written weeks ago, at the start of the Giro but the frenzy of creative writing out of the front office has kept this buried. It’s now or never.

What can you say about Twiggo? I can say he is heading towards a win in the Tour de France this year.

I have raised issues with a rubbish haircut and cycling knee socks but these are superficial stylistic issues. Who am I to do that? I’m shiet. We need as many free thinkers as possible in cycling and if Bradley or Vaughters have different sideburns, excellent. Conformity is over-rated. Forget the socks, have you noticed his profile on the bike. He has the flattest back in the peloton and not by chance. I bet he and Sky are ticking every stinking little box to get this done.

He won Paris-Nice riding like a true professional, taking up Moser’s method of cooling down after each climbing stage by riding a stationary bike. He won Tour of Romandie like a seasoned veteran and won a field sprint for a stage win! He is winning these on his time trailing strength but not losing them by always riding at the front and climbing well enough. Yes, the Tour is different, the climbs are harder but he is a better climber than the Schlecks are time trialists. He did podium in last year’s Vuelta. He is experienced enough to not chase down every acceleration on a stiff climb, he just tempos it out, smoothing out the highs and lows. Bradley is one smart rider.

How does he stack up against Cadel? That is the question better informed people than myself would hope to answer correctly. Cadel’s mojo has been tainted so far this year and the Tour is still far away but mojo is mojo and his is bad. If Basso does not make the top five in the Giro, my mojo indicator is working and I’ll stand by it. Sorry Australia, you had a good (but short) run. English types, enjoy these years, they won’t last. They never do. And you from Luxembourg, we will talk in private.

The internal Sky problem of Cav versus Twiggo is solved -the Olympic road race is not far from the end of the Tour and Cav is the home field contender for Olympic gold. He will bail early, Sky will put their eggs in a basket made of Twiggs. How can I say these things with any authority? I can’t, I have none, look at my VSP points. But come the end of the Giro and Basso is smoking like a hippie’s motorbike, (which is a bad thing, not a good thing) then my mojo meter is obviously working and who has the big brain then?

Postscript: Basso did finish in the top five of the Giro, barely, so my mojo indicator is not completely tuned in. It could have something to do with the solar maximum. Twiggo has reported in from his secret base in the Atlantic that he has climbed to the moon and back, daily, so he is still ticking boxes. I’m still feeling good about all this.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • You wouldn't believe how many people (aka girls) were around him in that moment!

  • @Oli
    I don't see what you mean Oli, I think his too high gearing meant he was fucked and blew on the 24% half way up the Angliru deep in the clouds so shifting to a higher gear would have beaten him further no?

    Mind you I was screaming at him to get out of the saddle and do his best Fred Astaire on the pedals but he was welded o his seat and seemed to shitbhimself at the crazy Spansh fans baying for his blood, one of the times I felt sorry for him, I was convinced Cobo was juicing though !!!

  • I know fuck all about quite a lot but does Pierre Rolland not deserve a mention somewhere? I'd like to see him do well and the I'd like to see de Gendt take it seriously and have a go next year

    Can't warm to Wiggo and the pressure will get to him and Team Sky I reckon

  • This year twiggo will give in to his hipster tendencies and complete the lap by walking his fluro fixie each stage. And still beat Grimpelder.

  • @the Engine

    Is there a way to incentivise risk taking? Maybe giving a multiplier to those picking riders with less than, say, four other picks? Or would Frank's head explode?

    My head wouldn't explode, but the needle is swinging wildly to EMPTY on the Rule #5 Tank at the thought of me doing all that work just because you lot feel like looking at everyone else's picks instead of thinking for yourselves.

    As Gianni - perennial donut maker in the VSP - showed us at the Giro, taking a risk and picking Ryder for the win is its own reward; he scored way higher than those of us conservatively going with the herd (me included).

    The bonus points are already deliberately low to prioritize getting even one rider on the podium in the right spot over all five in a jumble.

    It comes down to your season-long VSP strategery: hunting for points is OK, but people nailing the winner or podium finishers in the races are the ones making real headway. Its exactly like the world cup was: its very hard to win if you don't take home a few events to get a solid score, and then you can defend with minor placings from there.

    @ChrisO
    Beautiful analysis. +1 badge goes to you.

  • @Pedale.Forchetta

    @RedRanger
    He has stolen the glasses to his dad.

    I was going to suggest those were his pappa's. Those shades rock. I have a pair in the basement, thanks to Gianni. They are exactly like that. Now that I think of it, they need to go into the shrine, not sure why they aren't there already.

  • @SimonH

    @Oli
    I don't see what you mean Oli, I think his too high gearing meant he was fucked and blew on the 24% half way up the Angliru deep in the clouds so shifting to a higher gear would have beaten him further no?

    Mind you I was screaming at him to get out of the saddle and do his best Fred Astaire on the pedals but he was welded o his seat and seemed to shitbhimself at the crazy Spansh fans baying for his blood, one of the times I felt sorry for him, I was convinced Cobo was juicing though !!!

    He means you got high and low mixed up in your original post. You got it right in this more recent one, though. (Low is easy, high is hard.)

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