Categories: Racing

Grillin’ Up a T-Bone on the Fourth of July

W is for Wouter. Photo: Fotoreporter Sirotti

In the US on the Fourth of July, we drink shit beer and grill loads of meat to celebrate our declaration of Independence from England. I think that’s supposed to be ironic, us being lazy and getting fat on this day, because my understanding of the Delcaration of Independence is that it said something to the effect of, “You guys are lazy and fat and suck. And we hate tea and taxes. That’s two more reasons than we need to be rid of you.” Personally, I like both the English and tea, but nobody asked me so here we are.

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m not a fan of Vaughters’ “sit in” tactics and, by association have soured on Gramin-Cervelo in general this year. But I have to admit, I’m coming back around to the boys after their stellar efforts in the opening stages of the Tour. In contrast to their Rule #67-violating standard-operating procedure, today they wrested control of the bunch away from a dominating HTC-Highroad train, chucked a Maillot-Juane into a leadout so strong it looked more like a breakaway than a bunch sprint, and delivered T-Bone to the line first on the Fourth of July.

I haven’t done the research to back this up, partly because I’m certain someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this represents the first American Tour stage win on this particular date. To top it off, we had an emotional win dedicated to Farrar’s fallen friend, Wouter Weylandt.

America, fuck yeah.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @snoov
    Nice try Snoov. But you guys are England's bitch. Didn't (Aussie) Mel Gibson make a film about you guys and your attempts at Independence?

    Of course this is in stark contrast to countries like Australia who choose to keep the Queen as our head of state. If u don't know we had a referendum a few years back and decided to keep on the Queen. As far as I can tell the compelling reason for most of us is that we were worried we would lose the Queens birthday public holiday.

    @Durishin
    R u fucking serious? The language around here has never been particularly mature.

  • @Marcus

    @snoov
    ...countries like Australia who choose to keep the Queen as our head of state. If u don't know we had a referendum a few years back and decided to keep on the Queen...

    That reminds me of the of the old John Howard joke

    Things are a bit rough on the popularity front for John Howard, the chirpy Australian Prime Minister, so one night after a Bundy and Coke too many, he gets on the the phone to the Queen.

    "Your Majesty, mate, I'm sure my ratings would go up if I were King of Australia. It works for you"

    The Queen laughs dismisively and replies, "To be a king one needs a kingdom."

    Not to be dissuaded, Johnny asks, "In that case could I not be Emperor then?"

    "No, you chubby-faced chap," snorts the Queen, "to be an Emperor you need an Empire"

    Howard thinks for a moment and then asks if he could be a prince.

    The Queen replies, "Australia is not a principality."

    Pausing for a sip of her tea, Her Majesty then adds: "To be quite honest, Australia is a Country and we should leave it like that..."

  • @Chris
    Not bad - but the origin of that joke may have been a true parliamentary quote from PM Gough Whitlam:

    Speaker: "...motion from the Country Member"

    Gough: "yes we remember"

  • I will say as a Canadian, we are all the spoor of the bloody English. Looking at my scot and irish ancestors on one side and the german and native on the other, fucking hell, we've done our share of losing to them. If you can't beat em, join em.

    And I spent time in a highland regiment, haggis and scotch tastes as good as it sounds, but you consumed it like it was the prom queen. The scots invented the guillie suit.

    Long live the queen, because her son is a wanker. Now, her new granddaughter...

    And I called Tyler on the Fourth! And I don't see my picks on the VSP standings wtf

  • @Marcus

    @Chris
    Not bad - but the origin of that joke may have been a true parliamentary quote from PM Gough Whitlam:
    Speaker: "...motion from the Country Member"
    Gough: "yes we remember"

    Nice, we haven't had charisma in our politics since Trudeau died. Not that I liked the basdard, but he had charisma and he gave ugly guys something to look up to because he tagged a lot of hot tail.

    Damn this stage, get to that last k.

  • WOW! Top class racing.

    That was insane. I don't think I breathed for the final 3 km.

    What a great finish, what a great Stage 4. I don't know if I can keep this up for three more weeks.

    I love seeing Cadel race that hard...and then hearing him talk. Wee voice for a Big Gun.

  • Awesome, good for Tyler. Even though he wins very few stages I like the guy. I only made it part way though the race yesterday, now I can't wait to watch the conclusion when I get home tonight.

  • @Chris

    Ha I heard another version of that one, told by Chick Young who is a sports reporter over here.

    Britain used to be a Kingdom ruled by a King.
    Then Britain was an Empire ruled by an Empress.
    Now it's just a country.

  • @snoov

    As a Scot I find it necessary to point this out as us Scots hate it when folks use England as a synonym for Great Britain or The United Kingdom, we deserve as much blame for killing indigenous peoples or enslaving them as the English.

    Indeed. As a Dutchman who takes great offense to the use of the word Holland to describe The Netherlands (even though many Dutch do this themselves and it bothers them none), I would think I'd be more sensitive to that type of thing. I actually spent about 17 seconds pondering if it was England or GB and realized that I couldn't remember which was the offending term.

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