Categories: Racing

Grillin’ Up a T-Bone on the Fourth of July

W is for Wouter. Photo: Fotoreporter Sirotti

In the US on the Fourth of July, we drink shit beer and grill loads of meat to celebrate our declaration of Independence from England. I think that’s supposed to be ironic, us being lazy and getting fat on this day, because my understanding of the Delcaration of Independence is that it said something to the effect of, “You guys are lazy and fat and suck. And we hate tea and taxes. That’s two more reasons than we need to be rid of you.” Personally, I like both the English and tea, but nobody asked me so here we are.

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m not a fan of Vaughters’ “sit in” tactics and, by association have soured on Gramin-Cervelo in general this year. But I have to admit, I’m coming back around to the boys after their stellar efforts in the opening stages of the Tour. In contrast to their Rule #67-violating standard-operating procedure, today they wrested control of the bunch away from a dominating HTC-Highroad train, chucked a Maillot-Juane into a leadout so strong it looked more like a breakaway than a bunch sprint, and delivered T-Bone to the line first on the Fourth of July.

I haven’t done the research to back this up, partly because I’m certain someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this represents the first American Tour stage win on this particular date. To top it off, we had an emotional win dedicated to Farrar’s fallen friend, Wouter Weylandt.

America, fuck yeah.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Chris says:

Jul 6 2011 at 5:53 am

@seemunkee

I'd have to agree with you to a certain extent there but if you think about it Morris dancers might not dish out lashing of The V, there are aspects of what they do that you might find you have in common with them; they practice a pastime that many of their friends and colleagues find rather odd, they don outfits that cause bystanders to question their masculinity but for them is the subject of a strict code and they drink nothing but ale. Not to mention that they treat their traditions with a similar reverence that we reserve for the Classics.

At the end of the day these traditional dances are about war and sex. It's a bit like the Kiwi's Haka but for those that are comfortable within themselves.
Oli says:

Jul 6 2011 at 6:15 am

Are you saying that we Kiwis aren't comfortable within ourselves?
Chris says:

Jul 6 2011 at 6:28 am

Judging by the face pulling and look how hard I am strutting that goes on during the Haka, no. But going by some of the flowing locks sported by recent All Blacks and the fact that the national game is the the real Rugby unlike your neighbours, it's probably a yes.
ChrisO says:

Jul 6 2011 at 6:58 am

@Marcus and Frank

Just to be totally clear and pedantic the UK and GB are not the same thing.

Officially it is The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Great Britain was formed after the union of England and Wales with Scotland.

Later they formed the United Kingdom by a further union with Ireland, as it then was, now Northern Ireland only.

I think technically by referring to England you also include the Welsh, as Wales is part of the Kingdom of England.
Dan_R says:

Jul 6 2011 at 8:12 am

@zalamanda
I stand corrected.

Unlike today's stage, carnage.

My question on the whole Austrailia thing (and with great respect, as I have chewed dirt next to those hard asses) is where do The Wiggles fit in all this? I mean, it is a wiggly wiggly world!

Does Wiggy know?
Chris says:

Jul 6 2011 at 8:21 am

@zalamanda

@Dan_R
now that I'm caffeinated, I have to correct you. It wasn't the Scotch per se that invented the ghilli suit it was Scottish poachers as it was the only way of blatting bambi off the lairds property and getting away with it.

Ghillie is also term for a gamekeeper or hunting/fishing guide. My understanding is it was developed by the gamekeepers to help them culling deer.
Chris says:

Jul 6 2011 at 8:28 am

@Dan_R

@zalamanda
I stand corrected.
Unlike today's stage, carnage.
My question on the whole Austrailia thing (and with great respect, as I have chewed dirt next to those hard asses) is where do The Wiggles fit in all this? I mean, it is a wiggly wiggly world!
Does Wiggy know?

In all the time I spent watching tv early in the morning in Sydney with my daughter I don't recall any cycling based story lines. What's more they seem to have diversified into Rule 58 contravention in the UK with this so I suspect there is some sort of subliminal Anti V message being beamed at the kids.
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Jul 6 2011 at 9:48 am

@Jeff in PetroMetro
Ahah, ciao Jeff, you are right!
sgt says:

Jul 6 2011 at 10:05 am

@Chris
Fuckall, that's some funny stuff!

http://youtu.be/RZjLATAUwao

I tihnk we need to come up with a Velominati routine involving V-Kit and Silca frame pumps. Great post-ride activity for Cogals!
seemunkee says:

Jul 6 2011 at 11:03 am

@Chris
Good god there better be massive amounts of ale involved.