Return to the Pain Pool
I forget all maner of things these days. I forget that climbing isn’t fun; it hurts. I forget that I’m not good at it. I even forget what hurting feels like after it’s over, which I think might be at the root of why I keep going back for more. I forget my vows never to do a climb again (I’m having a re-match with Haleakala in August.) But most of all, I forget how hard this particular climb is.
Zoo Hill. It has a reputation around here in Seattle as being one of the hardest local climbs around. Naturally, some twisted ass decided to do a race up it as a fundraiser for cancer research. It’s not long, but at a length of 3.4 km and an elevation gain of puke, it’s a stinger that puts you squarely into the hurt locker for a lifetime-seeming quarter hour. Every time I ride it, I’m surprised by the same things. The first ramps are steeper than I expect as, unfortunately, are the secondary and tertiary sets. By halfway up, you’ve finished the twisty bits on rough roads and switch to the less steep section where I expect to take advantage of my comparative strength climbing rollers better than 15% ramps. This is where I’m surprised by how long the top is, and how steep it is, and how cooked I already am.
The top, in my estimation, is the hardest part. There’s not much of an art to the bottom. It’s steep. It’s twisty. It’s ugly riding, but there’s not much room for anything, and morale is reasonable since switchbacks will make you feel like a Pro even when you’re going as slowly as I’m bound to. But the top is a long straight road with a few sections that ease off where a strong rider will move Sur La Plaque and make big gains. But there is something about a long straight road that makes a painful climb even more agonizing. I think it’s the fact that every pedal stroke only serves to beat one simple fact into your head: you are not at the end yet, and that last pedal stroke didn’t bring you nearly as close as you’d liked.
After the race was all said an done last year, and the last memory of pain had left my feeble mind, I remarked that I’d like to go sub-13, which is a lofty goal. Even with the weight I’ve lost this year, I’m thinking that’s a tall order, and I’m even a tall guy. I also said I’d try and go top ten, which is more than lofty. I’m really wondering what I was thinking, as I’m pretty sure I don’t take halucaknogetics. But goals are made to be broken, so I’m going for them both, and vow to leave everything on the road in my effort. It is likely to rain, too, which will make it even more interesting.
The pain I’m sure to endure will be made a bit better knowing that the ride is for cancer research with donations going to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, which represents one of the best hopes we have in our fight against this terrible disease that touches so many of us. The Climb4Ccancer Charity has organized several local businesses who will match any donation made by the racers on race day, so if you’re riding, bring your checkbook. Also, many thanks to Joel Blatt who organizes the race each year, and to Branford Bike who is the sponsor and will be providing prizes. Doug at Branford acted as my consigliere during my TSX build and even rebuilt my Ergo levers for me. Great guys, and vehement followers of The Rules.
Special note to G’rilla, who is starting 30 seconds after me: if you pass me, I’m taking back your V-Kit and demoting you to a permanent Level 4.
*Note: the map above is in miles and feet. Despite my best efforts, MapMyRide refused to display this in metric. Shame on them.
Awesome. Read last years account of the raca a couple of weeks ago and was wondering how your training was going. Best of luck breaking your goals.
Awesome. Starting 30 seconds after Frank.
I plan to deliver a soul searing glare as I pass just before we hit the rollers.
Nice;
If you are returning to Haleakala, then take a hop and do Mauna Kea on the big island. Even if you “just” ride it to 3,000m (the top is another 1,300m on hard pack). only 45 miles from hilo. Section of 17% at 8,000 ft. Talk about HTFU.
Frank. Great article. Honestly, I thought you were smarter than that, given the quality of your writing and the entrepreneurial zeal with which you’ve built the Velominati site/community/way of life… but doing both Zoo Hill and Haleaka again? Jeez. You really are like the rest of us. Stoopid and stubborn. I propose that we should all pledge to give to the charity if you hit your 13min goal… Actually, I’ll pledge anyway, but want you to climb weighed down by the emotional baggage to give G’rilla a chance of catching… but I reckon this community could raise a fair bit in your honour?
@frank
And then in August you can just stop by Colorado Springs on you way back from Haleakala and do this – http://www.ridepikespeak.com/Assault_2011.1/Home.html –
This is the only day of the year that they open the road to bikes.
7700 ft in 24 miles ending at 14,110 ft. I may give it a try next year.
Are we doing another VSP for this? ‘Cause even though we haven’t met, I’m dialed in to your climbing abilities on these kinds of things. Weight loss: good. Year older: not so much. Will get the monkeys tapping away on their difference engines this evening…
I get the fortune of starting 30 seconds in front of last year’s winner. I anticipate him passing me before I pass the Zoo itself, and I don’t plan on fighting for his wheel.
Chapeau to anyone that can actually do this kind of climbing. I can grunt out a few dozen meters of that sick 15% shit; me and my 50/34-11/28 compact notwithstanding. I can sort of motor steady on 6-7%, making the Mt. Baker Hill Climb (ride542.com) reasonably doable. Last year I hit Mt. Figuora near Solvang, and with its occasional pitches to 12% it about made me puke: one. more. pedal. turn. BLAHHH [splat]. Mt. Constitution on Orcas Island has 10-12% pitches in the switchbacks, but then lets off. I can sort of handle that.
And we say cycing is fun. It would be more fun if I didn’t really suck at it.
We need to establish a Dutch Corner on the climb to the zoo so we can all get piss drunk and watch the epic Frank/G’rilla battle for Velominaus supremacy. Suitcase of courage, pedals in anger, pushing a massive gear blah blah blah.
@G’rilla
Just smile, like Cyclops, as you go by. I bet Frank nod snobs you.
Good to hear that you’re taking another dip in the pain pool this year frank. As we’ve discussed here before, climbing hurts, but it is deeply satisfying as a cyclist. The fact that it’s for a worthy cause makes the pain that much more satisfying, though I’m sure it’s gonna hurt like the proverbial….
go for it big fella!
When I do any sort of puke-inducing climbing I like going in without any knowledge of what is in store for me. Good luck, Frank & G’rilla. Hope you keep your breakfast down!
I used to have a climb that was awful that was on my daily route. Most days I knew better & saved it for days when I felt like suffering. It’s crazy how some climbs just never get easier. Each and every time they are awful and make you hate your bike, your legs, and yourself.
Be like a pro – ride a hard 200kms before you race up it.
Good luck. Climbs on dead straight roads suck balls.
Good luck in the pain zone!! If you lust for repeating, steep 12-15% grades for 200k then ask me about a ride called the 10 x 100 in southwest Wisconsin in late August. Ten climbs ALL average at least 10% and 2 to 3 miles in length. They all sting!!!
@cfadave
My folks have a farm in Durand, which they bought because that’s where we were always riding all summer. Incredible terrain, nothing like it. That area bred a couple Pros, too. I’ll be there end of August, I’m sure my dad and I will hit a nice ride.
Awesome! Where are you located?
@Marcus
I’m glad a skinny little midget climber agrees. I kind of thought I was the only one. What with the lads racing so well today, I’m extra motivated to crawl into the hurt locker and chuck the key.
@Ron
Are you paying attention? Rule #10.
@Steampunk
Sure, we can, except the VSP software works on placings and with a TT like this it doesn’t make much sense, since you want to guess my time. I say we do one informally for no points but a prize of a free symbol pack for the person who gets closest to my actual time. Name badge to the person who correctly guesses the retribution I take out on G’rilla for beating me.
@frank
Who is the skinny little midget climber? Nowadays I am a short fat bald baroudeur!
I’m in for the VSP – 13.01 for time up the hill….Sorry Frank, maybe next year.
For the Name Badge – G’rilla won’t beat you as you will do a “Karpet Laying” by “accidentally” causes his handle bars to lock in under your seat as he attempts to pass causing him to emulate Bertie with a fall into the grass (or other such covering) at the side of the road. Having fallen G’rilla will not be able to get back on your wheel or pass you. (Sorry G’rilla – But look at the bright side, you get to keep your V-kit and Frank doesn’t demote you)
After seeing your boy Fränk kill it up the Tourmalet I’m expecting some extra motivation in the Franktank & I’ll give you a 12.43
I’ll say 12:55 on that monster.
12:49 – I have faith.
And you will be so pleased you will fail to impose any sanction on G’rilla.
Good luck.
and by Tourmalet I meant Luz Ardiden…I think last night’s wine intake is having more of an effect this morning than it did last night!!!
@G’phant
Damn you, you’ve given me a window of all of 6 seconds there!
is this going to be like the “Price is Right” closest to the mark without going over?
Love it! Suffered that climb last summer for the *cough* Livestrong Seattle ride and it was wonderful. Far too many people were walking up it. Lame.
If any of you want one of the true sufferfests out there, give this one a try:
http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/41579750/
A few kms in the middle average 11-15%, while the whole climb is about 10% for 10km.
Good luck Frank. Here’s a formula that seems to work for most applications: Your time = winners time * (1 + n * pi/10), where n is a positive integer. (Use n = 1 for short races.)
13:18
I have faith that you’ll better last year but not quite crack 13. Make me eat my words frank!
@RedRanger
I can only assume so based on the run last year.
You should get this shit on Strava and join our group man.
@Marko
as long as his the weight of his iPhone doesn’t cost him time and lose me that symbol pack.
Using Michael’s formula, I get 13:14.59. I have more faith than that but pi rules.
@Mikael Liddy
@RedRanger
Can I buy a vowel?
@roadslave
Wow, that’s a great idea to pledge, and incredibly generous. If people are inclined to pledge, just post your pledge in-line along with whatever conditions I need to meet in order to make good on the pledge. I’ll then arrange with the race organizers to have the donations made to his organization.
Absolutely no pressure or requirement to pledge, of course, but with Livestrong inevitably going down the shitter right behind Big Tex, this may be our last chance to save the world. I’ll even take EPO if it helps. You know, just to be a good successor.
in-line? sorry I am web-tarted when it comes to the lingo.
@Marko
I’ve turned a blind eye to this whole Strava thing, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to join!
@RedRanger
I’m taking off my Zipp carbon cages to cut weight. No tools (what, am I going to fix a flat?) Garik at Speedy Reedy made me up a light set of climbing wheels, too. I’m pumping helium up my ass if I have to. I’m getting one of those breath-right strips.
In other words: not carrying my fucking one-pound iPhone which has (count ’em) TWO glass surfaces.
@Mikael Liddy
Yeah. And by the time I do Haleakala again, I’ll rewire the VSP so it can suppor this type of event.
What is wrong with me?
Go Frank.
I’ll say 12:59.
@frank
I think it’s called the “Perfect amount of Dumb”
No no no on the EPO, only Puget Sound organic beef preferably raw at the start line… Hey I will pony up on a pledge if #1 you ride clean, #2 you warm up properly and #3 you beat last years time – So how does $20 sound? And 12:30 on your time – I have faith in your post/pre Haleakala hill training – good luck. Oh and G’rilla won’t catch you this time!
I’m going to say 12:57. I’d be happy to pledge 20 USD, but only if there’s a PayPal way to donate. Otherwise, transfer fees from the Europe eat up the whole donation.
@frank
I’m good for 20USD too, if you (i) crack 13 minutes and (ii) refrain from further references to pumping helium, or anything else for that matter, up your arse. (You do what you gotta do. Just don’t feel you gotta share.)
Good luck to Frank, G’rilla and all the partecipants!
From your description of the hill looks really like a shorter ‘Ghisallo’, eheh…
As Gino Bartali always said before every race:
“Che dio ce la mandi buona e senza vento!”
(May god help us and please, no wind)
12.41
G’luck.
There’s a fucking nest of wasps with your name on it bro… get inhaling!
@frank
What is wrong with me?
Where the fuck do I start?
Obviously, even Thor know the story of Eros Poli on the Ventoux…
@Pedale.Forchetta
A+1!!
@all
Talked to the organizer, and matching only works for checks made out to the organizer, or cash donated at the race. But you can donate without matching directly to the Hutch here:
http://fhcrc.org/donating/donate_now.html
@Pedale.Forchetta
Che Merckx ce la mandi buona e senza vento!
I’m in for $10 if you break 13 minutes.
Agreed on the dead straight road climb thing – especially when it’s steep as shit. Last week I did a solo century ride from Lake Winnipesaukee over the Kancamagus highway and back while on vacay. The cat 2 climb over the Mt. pass was at the 55 mile mark and was prepared for and done enthusiastically. The climb that hurt the most? Oh, that was the cat 4 mile long climb at a 12% average that came at mile 99. I rounded a curve, looked up to see this thing in from of me and said out loud, “Fuck me!”. Then I looked to my right and saw a father and his kid playing in their front yard, possibly within earshot. Oops! I gave them a slight wave and pedaled on up this thing into the pain zone.