The 2011 Anti-V Moment of the Year: Paris Roubaix
While the The V Moment of the Year is the moment during the season when the sport demonstrated the most pure example of spirit of The V, the Anti-V Moment of the Year similarly acknowledges the moment in which all those things that make The V great were ignored. This is more than just cheating or climbing into the broom wagon; this is reserved for under-handed tactics, or wheel-sucking to the win, complaining about dangerous descents, canceling races for bad weather.
The Anti-V is a virus. It starts small, as a nagging doubt perhaps about form or willingness to suffer that day. It replicates and feeds on itself; giving in to doubt is easier when you’ve done it before, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. It manifests itself in an absence of those things we love most about cycling: a combination of guts, class, and panache.
Before I go any further, I’d like to point out that we had even more trouble deciding on the Anti-V moment than we did the V Moment. Bretto made the case for les Fréres Grimpeur, but couldn’t dial in on a specific incident of Anti-V and kept repeating, “Every time they looked around, or when they mounted their TT bikes!” We did the only thing we could do, and had CERN crunch the data for us. They confirmed the Schlecks spent the equivalent of three full weeks rubbernecking and nearly a quarter as much working on their time trialing – too much to mathematically isolate a single moment. Sometimes the best decision in the midst of indecision is simply to make one, and that’s exactly what I did.
At the very instant when Johan Van Summeren was doing a reverse 270 cannon ball into the deep end of the V-Pool to bring us the V Moment of 2011, Jonathan Vaughters was clutching his shoulders as he gingerly waded into the kiddie pool – dragging a handful of race favorites with him.
The race was shaping up beautifully for Garmin-Cervélo. Van Summeren had read the race and left the favorites at the Trouée to join teammate Gabriel Rasch up the road in the day’s breakaway. The plan was to keep Johan in reserve at the front while the Garmin team worked to bring the break back, giving Thor Hushovd an armchair ride to the finish with the considerable advantage of having teammates in the finale. A beautiful plan, and I love it when a plan comes together.
But Garmin’s firepower wasn’t quite enough to bridge up in time, and Faboo wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of riding into Roubaix with Thor getting a leadout from three teammates. In typical style, he took the race into his own hands and left the others to their own devices. Hushovd, Flecha, and Ballan came along for the ride and the four made huge inroads on the gap with Cancellara doing the bulk of the work.
And here the sticky tentacles of the Anti-V set in. Faboo started doubting whether he should really be hauling such a fast finisher as Hushovd up to his teammates and sat up when the gap had gone down to within arm’s reach.
At this point, Garmin’s plan wasn’t as solid as it had been a few dozen kilometers before:
- The plan hinged on domestique Vanmarcke doing the work to bridge up to the breakaway, putting four Garmin riders at the front
- Vanmarcke wasn’t closing the gap quickly enough, and was dropped by Cancellara’s acceleration
- Cancellara was getting the job done, but was unwilling to do the last bit of work to close the break down completely
The plan was in need of some quick-thinking to maintain the upper hand, and everyone knows driving while strategizing is dangerous. So, for safety reasons, Vaughters called in Garmin’s pocket Timid Tactician: His Turtleneck Sweater. New plan:
- Double-dip by telling Fabian that Thor can’t work because he has a teammate up the road, despite the fact that his team had been doing the chasing in the first place
- Tell Fabian to wait for the slow guy behind who couldn’t keep up and wasn’t bridging quickly enough, so he can take over for Fabian, saving Thor
- Instruct Thor to sit back and refuse pulls
Cancellara, Hushovd and Vaughters all had their hand in making this the Anit-V Moment of the year, but Vaughters takes the bulk of the blame not only because his was inflexible and unimaginative thinking, but because he was playing both sides: the rider up front can’t work if he’s got a rider coming up, or the rider coming up can’t work because he’s got a rider up front. Pick one.
But worst of all, there is nothing more Anti-V than two riders within a chance of winning riding along gesturing to each other as they both refuse to take a pull for fear of dragging the other to the win. Certainly, a rider must be sure not to do too much work and place themselves at a disadvantage, but this should never come at the risk of losing the opportunity to win the race in the first place; I’m sure we can all agree it is much more in the spirit of the V to fight and get beaten into second place than to never fight at all and throw your chance away. In this, Cancellara and Hushovd each had a hand in the pie, but Vaughters and his Sweater were were the masterminds behind the stalemate.
We truly love what Vaughters is trying to do with Garmin by making it their mission to race clean, but racing clean is no excuse for uncorking an entire case of Vintage 2011 Anti-V. Vaughters races his team like they are weak with nary a chance to win, when in fact they are one of the strongest teams in the sport. It is time to wrap the bars in white tape, set aside the underdog tactics, and start racing like leaders. And by all means, fire the Sweater.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cEV1l9i1ec[/youtube]
@brett
Maybe Frank took Joshua and Jim’s votes since they were absent.
@Buck Rogers, @brett, @G’rilla
Scandal! Outrage!
@marcus
I sure as fuck am not Fredo.
@brett
Godwin’s Law rears its ugly head… I’m so glad I insisted that the Keepers post the VMOY and A-VMOY, despite Gianni’s warnings of dire consequences… And poor Frank doing penance on the trainer, probably without Internet access due to extreme Rule #9 conditions. I’m so ashamed…
@frank
Don’t do that! I wasn’t agreeing with you in the least!
Have to agree with the dissenting opinion delivered by m’luds Gianni, Brett and Marko.
Even accepting Frank’s version of P-R as absolute truth, it still isn’t as bad as the Schlecks at L-B-L. That was the worst thing I hope to see on two wheels for a long time. Though I nominate the women’s world championship race for a special commendation.
As Brett said, the Schlecks dilute V to indistinguishable proportions – they practise homeopa-v.
Phil: What’s this? Team Velominati has decanted out the back!
Paul: So much talent but there are rumors of discontent in the team bus. Much work will be needed to get back on terms.
@itburns
So does that make @frank and @Gianni Pharmstrong and The Spanish Steak in this with the established team leader falling to the usurper or more a case of a team with conflicting goals a la the Syrup and the Manx Missile?
Just watched the you tube clip again and for me it’s got to be Faboo for whining about Thor not playing with him. My kids don’t get away with it so for someone of that calibre to do so is completely unacceptable.
The next time my kids do start whining, I’ll have to ask them “What would Eddy do?”. I might have to get them to watch L’enfer du Nord first to avoid confusion, the youngest is called Ed and his best mate is called Eddy.
@Chris
I’m not sure anti-V thrown at Faboo will ever stick, as he has dished out more of the sacred stuff than anyone else in recent years – I suspect he wasn’t saying I’m not doing any more, he was just advising JV that he was going to behead Thor at the 20km to go sign if he kept fucking about, as he duly did – poor old Thor, doing his best with his stripes and left indicator permantly on
Can someone stick up the last 5km of LBL so we can analyse what exactly the Schlecks were up to – my recollection was feeling great pity for them, as Gilbert kept the gas on to the extent that neither of them could even attack him – bit like a bad ass cat with two badly injured mice – I think I even remember him grinning and licking his lips at one stage
@Dr C
I disagree, it wouldn’t mean a thing if it had been some lowly nobody having a whine but it’s exactly because of who he is and the fact that under most circumstances he’d have just got on with the job.
Even if he had been saying I’m off when we hit the the 20 to go mark his body language points to it being a delivered as a whine. If he ridden up to JV and without gesticulating or raising his voice coldly announced that “At 20km out I’m going to disembowel your rainbow pretty boy, you fucking clothes horse” and left it at that it would have been fine, casually deliberate as it were.
@Chris
To which I would add the words of the Cycling News report:
“Rather than attack Gilbert in turn, as might have been expected, the Schlecks appeared resigned to the fact that the Belgian was simply the strongest man in the race, and ultimately they all but carried him to the finish.
For his part, as was the case from the Roche aux Faucons, Gilbert contributed his share of the pace-setting, but was always careful in his positioning as he looked to avoid an ambush.
Even under the red kite, however, neither Schleck was able to summon up an attack to cast at least some doubt on the outcome. “
Did Andy drop his chain at 6km? He did well to get back on but they didn’t look too damaged. Frank looked fairly relaxed at 2km.
@ChrisO @Chris
you’re probably right – I’m just soooo in love with Faboo, that in my eyes he can do no worng – that would probably sound better if I was a girl admittedly
I suppose when you are Cancellara you get a lot of riders keen to ride your wheel. Over the years you’ve carried hundreds of weaker riders to better positions – some to places they’ve no right to be. That’s OK. It’s part of the package. Most of the time you can bury them at will…
But I can see how you might get the shits when riding at the highest level, in the biggest race of the year, the top riders in three other teams, one of which is wearing the bands, have no other strategy in the race except to sit in and be carried up to a winning position.
Just watched LBL finale again for the first time since seeing it live (thanks @Chris).
OMFG what a pile of steaming horseshit that was.
6km to go: sweet – about to see the Schlecks one-two the big dog… what will happen?
5km to go: any second now…
4km to go – leaving it a little late; com’n guys…
3km to go – WTF? Go now, one of you, go now!
2km to go HAVE YOU TWO EVEN SEEN A RACE BEFORE? DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE ALLOWED TO ATTACK HIM???!!!!111!!!?
1km to go: NOTHING? YOU’VE GOT NOTHING?
Even when the one on the back (you know what? I don’t care which one it is – they’re the same guy) winds up to attack at the line, Gilbert doesn’t even notice because he’s started his own bemused sprint and just draws gently away.
Anti-V?
Well, V was as far from here as it could be. The Schlecks managed to deprive the world of seeing Gilbert lay down some V, so yeh, we are minus some V in 2011 because of this moment.
@Blah
And to the point above about Cuddle’s TdF win being diminished by his rivals, if Gilbert hadn’t been such a badass all year Frandy would have diminished his LBL win. Put down the Frandy coolaid and take off the tinfoil cycling cap. There’s nothing to see there (litterally and figuratively).
@Chris
A la Ronnie Johns, “F’kin’ spot on, mate!”
@brett
Because none of you fucking stood up when we were discussing it! Well, Brett did, but couldn’t pick a moment, and Gianni and Marko were silent. Liege as Anti-V was never brought up. Besides, I wouldn’t have stood for it anyway, because you can’t award the Anti-V to the only two riders willing to stand up and fight Gilbert. Maybe the Anti-V goes to the rest of the bunch for being total asshats who just roll over and play dead.
Not to mention that none of you were willing to write the piece, which I asked if you would.
You lads need to go into your email and uncheck that box that says “Treat All Email From Frank as Spam”.
@Oli
I know, I was twisting your words because you were twisting mine!
@Blah
The problem with watching the finale is that you miss the fact that they attacked from way back, and they left everyone else behind. The 60km of racing to that point is what emptied the tank and made for an admittedly infuriatingly frustrating finale. They are obviously cooked and Gilbert is not. Its no contest – they are simply outclassed. But at least they fought, which is more than the 217 other riders did.
@brett
Besides, since when was this a democracy? It’ll be a democracy when you start sharing the work, asshat!
Look at Fränk right here. Proof positive of what a badass he is.
@frank
They attacked – as they should, given they are supposedly two of the top cyclists in the world – Gilbert went with them and…. errr… they couldn’t think of anything else in the next 30km.
Dropping back, or staying with the breakaway group they caught would have been a better tactic… hell, it would have actually been a tactic.
They had nothing in the tank, and nothing in their heads – that’s why people don’t like them. Not so much what they do, but the totally one-dimensional approach they have.
@frank
Oh come on, really? With photos like that, its no wonder certain stereotypes regarding cyclists persist.
Anyway, I actually had to, you know, “work” at work for the past week, so I’m pissed that I missed all the fun. For the record, I would’ve voted for A. Schleck’s individual time trial in le Tour. What an opportunity for him–a chance to put it all on the line, blow up all of the pre-conceived notions about him, dish out the V is mass quantities, and shut up all of his critics in one fell swoop. Even an inspired effort would have garnered my respect. And what happened? PFFFFFFFT. It was over in the first ten kilometers.
I know my hopes for him were irrational, but that’s what makes a cyclist great: the ability to overcome all odds and expectations, or at least to try. The Grimplette had clearly given up before he even came to the line.
@ChrisO
Its hard to argue that their heads do seem to afford ample breathing room for their brains. And not changing their plan along the way is also a good point. But none of that makes them Anti-V. At least they started a fire…or tried to. Again, thats more than anyone else.
Also, in the context of today’s wait-for-the-finale-to-attack approach to racing, them going for the long-shot, especially at the Tour, is comparatively inventive, so in fairness we’ve got to give them credit for that at least.
For the Record, The Prophet likes the Schlecks too, so I’m in good company.
@marcus, @Gianni
You broke my heart, Fredo!
This is a transcript of their tactical conversation…
“Eh, Andy, mon frere, he eez steel zair”
“Oui Frank, he eez steel zair.”
‘Oh”
20 kilometres later…
“Eh, Andy, mon frere, eez he steel zair ?”
“Oui Frank, he eez steel zair.”
“Oh.”
At 1 km to go…
“Eh Kim, monsieur le directeur, Gilbert eez steel wiz us.”
“Yes Frank, he is. Can you drop him ?”
“No.”
[Kim] “Oh”
[Frank] “Oh”
[Andy] “Oh, look, he has won.”
@ChrisO
Totally unrealistic. Luxemburgers speak a German dialect, not French.
Is the Keeper’s Tour cancelled then?
Actually, it’s surprising after such an epic season that we can only find 2 significant moments of dispute – it’s good we can’t remember those who got lobbed for doping – best way
I found Igor Anton’s shoddy efforts in the Vuelta, before launching himself on a massive solo stage win into his own Village Square finish a bit tedious, but otherwise everyone does seem to have been giving it a good lash most of the time
@ChrisO
Man, love this site, esp since Fronk picks stupid ass moments for the anti-V and then we all get to rag on him and then he tries for days to justify it and we all make fun of him.
Man, this site should charge for this shit!
@ChrisO
What was really said…
[Andy] I looked over my shoulder, Frönk, and it was not you.
[Frönk] It’s OK, little brother, pretend he is not there.
20km later
[Andy] Frönk, that strange man is still there, he is scaring me…
[Frönk] Don’t worry we will win soon, don’t look at him.
After the race.
[Andy] I want to go home, Frönk, we didn’t win. The Velominati are saying that we didn’t try.
[Frönk] No, we will go to the PNW, where there is another man called Frönk who respects us. We will ride with him and he will not try to beat us.
@Buck Rogers
Ummm… Have you seen the prices on The Gear page? Somebody IS charging for this shit! (It’s REALLY good shit, tho, so worth every penny wink wink)
@frank
the point is: Crash like a Boss: curse (whilst falling if possible), curse again, locate your bike, give the lady her chain back, check helmet-shades-shoes-clothing, find your bidon, check your body for bruises and scratches, clean wounds with your bidon, and continue riding with a ‘I am a =ù^=:µing idiot’ smile on your face. in that order! (If you can t move or you are about to pass out, call an ambulance. However make sure your bike is taken care off, if not, ask if you can take it with you. If they refuse, say the Velominati will find them, an only Merckx can help them in case that should happen!)
indeed, frank. another thing one should keep in mind: they were going to the finish with Mr Fast Phil. if they tried to attack him, he would simply reply: au revoir, merci for the extra training! (the official languages in Luxembourg are French, German and Luxemburgs)
@Chris
+1 strongest work to date Chappie
@frank
Ah, it’s all become clear – there’s been a terrible misunderstanding.
They are not the brothers grimpeur… that’s French for climber.
They are the brothers gromper… which apparently is Luxembourgish for potato.
@frank
Do these adverts really go over than well in Belgium? I’m surprised that Innergetic reprised this ridiculousness with Omega-Pharma Quickstep. Despite the peaceful expressions of the riders, the have to be thinking ‘Wake me up when we have a new sponsor…”
@Buck Rogers
Especially when a certain Dutchman possibly, potentially…MAYBE…overreacts a hair…
@Chris
You think that could happen? I hear tell they might even ride the TOC…maybe they’ll come up here and never go home?
@frank
Absolutely, and they’ll bring the candles to set the mood…
@frank
If I was their team boss I’d send them each to different races until the Tour just to see what they might do if they were looking forwards and thinking for themselves.
@frank
Careful, Frank, your giddy schoolgirl-ness is showing.
Or, will it be a chained-up-in-the-basement-Pulp-Fiction type affair?
@Chris
Thats another issue…with having a Press Officer as a General Manager…but what will happen with Bruneeyl at the helm? At a minimum, it will be harder for me to keep liking them!
@frank
Glad that I Never overreact.
@frank
+1 bro, I knew it would come to this. Thankfully most of the Keepers will be in Belgium for the Spring Classic Festivus where the airing of grievances and feats of strength can happen face to face in a Belgian brewery. I’m so psyched.
@Chris
That is some funny work right there. Well done. Strangers are staring at me as I wipe the espresso off my front.
@The Oracle
Careful, Frank, your giddy schoolgirl-ness is showing.
Or, will it be a chained-up-in-the-basement-Pulp-Fiction type affair?
The Brothers Gimpeur?
I don’t like Vaughters much but this is pretty ridiculous. Hushovd had no right to work with a teammate up the road.
The only tactical mistake Garmin made was to try and bring the break back.
Cancellara paid the price for having no support, and as a result nobody in the break.
It’s worth noting that Ballan did less work than Hushovd, and his teammate Quinziato was in the break too.
Also I doubt it’s any coincidence that Van Petegem was working with Garmin last Spring. I would think he had something to do with the Roubaix win.
@brett
A bit appropiate as Gilbert definitely got medieval on their asses at L-B-L.
@brett
Yexactly.
Will we ever return to those Halcyon days of old?