Suspense. It defines the thrill of watching a bike race. Johan Van Summeren, his deflated rear tire clanging over the last secteurs of cobblestones in Paris-Roubaix with Fabian Cancellara breathing down his back; Laurent Fignon snatching seconds from Greg LeMond on each mountaintop finish, as LeMond snatches those same seconds back in the time trials. From the spectators standpoint at least, suspense categorically defines good bike racing.
Bike racing is a monumentally difficult sport, with even the one-day races representing a magnificent display of endurance. Many one-day races are 200 or more kilometers over difficult terrain and in awful weather, where riders need to be fit, strong, and alert at all times during a competition that lasts upwards of six hours. Grand Tours distinguish themselves by aggregating the challenges from the one-day races into a three-week event; their sheer length cause riders to not only battle each other but themselves as fatigue creeps in, brought on by racing twenty days along windy coastal roads, over high mountains – in baking heat or torrential rain. Simply finishing a Grand Tour labels a rider as a “Giant of the Road”, the designation given to those few who were good enough and hard enough to endure this ultimate test of determination and stamina. Those who manage to win one will be defined by the accomplishment for the remainder of their career and, quite possibly, their lives. The V, brought to life and personified in each one of them.
Historically, one of the distinguishing factors of Grand Tour contenders has been their superiority over their rivals in one discipline or another, while typically being bested in another discipline. The Grimpeur who soars over the mountains shows weakness when they go contre la montre. The Rouleur who gains an advantage in the time trials struggles to limit their losses over the high passes. The route, the terrain, their weaknesses, and their ability to respond to the tactics of each stage characterizes the three-week struggle for domination. There is no other event on Earth like it.
The grimpeur versus the rouleur has been the Grand Tour’s great struggle, for what Merckx giveth in the Mountains, Merckx taketh away in the Time Trial. The emaciated body that the climber uses to float up the steepest gradients is little more than a waifish weather vane in the time trails where sheer strength and power are the keys to success. Conversely, the additional body mass required to generate time trial-winning power becomes an anchor when pointed uphill, allowing gravity and physics to do their cruel work.
Where in the past we’ve seen riders who could ride amongst the best in both the mountains as well as the time trials, these riders were never the dominant figure in either of both disciplines. Anquetil was strong in the time trials but struggled in the mountains – the same goes for Indurain. Hinault, LeMond, and Ullrich were strong in the time trails and, while good climbers, were always bested by others on the high passes. Fignon and Pantani could take time away from their rivals on the vicious slopes of the high mountains, but struggled to maintain their advantage in the time trials. It all came together to form a ferocious battle of riders pitting their strengths against their rivals’ weaknesses, and their rivals coming back to do the same another day when conditions were more in their favor.
Yet, in the last decade, we’ve seen an alarming shift in the qualities of some top Grand Tour contenders. With Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador, we have seen a new class of rider who is the best climber in the world while also the best time trialist; while an awesome display of skill, it puts paid to the excitement of watching a Grand Tour unfold. Each of Armstrong’s wins came at the hands of devastating mountaintop wins coupled with domination in the Time Trials. Similarly, Contador’s 2009 record-setting VAM (Vertical Ascension in Meters) on the climb of Verbiér came alongside his defeat of World-Champion time trialist, Fabian Cancellara, his frail climber’s body managing to best the most powerful rider in the peloton.
Whatever lies at the root of this transformation, it seems these riders have found a way to abolish their weakness in these opposed disciplines, and can execute their race plans with surgical, three-week precision. With that precision comes the death of the Grand Tour; for it is the weakness of our heros that lends us the opportunity to revel in the thrill of their victories. Without that weakness, we have gained an impressive show of dominance, and lost the spectacle of suspense.
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@mcsqueak
Ha-ha! Yeah, actually, I was saying that you should drink piss-beer to celebrate the 4th of July. PBR, if you can. Buy normally, I even pass over the Belgian brews and grab a nice domestic IPA. For my money, the US makes the best beer in the world these days.
That said, the best beer I ever had in my life was an illegal Kingfisher I had at a dive called "Moonraker" in Mahabalipuram, India. It was hot as hades and we'd just spent the day walking through granite ruins, baked completely through. Tamil Nadu has a prohibition on alcohol, so the server poured the illegal brew into tall, metal cups that looked like martini shakers. BEST.BEER.I.EVER.HAD.
Kingfisher, by the way, sucks. But is totally awesome.
@frank
Ah, thank goodness you were being ironic and I was just too daft to pick up on it. For a second I was about to get all sad.
PBR is a good piss beer choice, but way too popular with those ever-dreaded hipsters. For my money, Olympia is a good water beer, or my favorite when watching traditional American sports such as baseball: Miller Lite, preferably in a can.
Cool story about India - I bet anything would taste wonderful after walking around some hot, humid Indian ruins for the day.
@mcsqueak
@frank
Italy has plenty of piss beer as well. And there potato chips are rubbish. But I do miss that Sicilian food.
@mcsqueak
Dude. Are you to comparing Portland's brewing tradition to Munich's? Really?
Reminds me of a trip to Italy a few years ago. My wife and I were staying at a vineyard/agriturismo outside Orvieto, and I mentioned to the proprietor that my hometown (Santa Barbara) has a well regarded wine industry. He literally scoffed at me. here's what he said, verbatim:
"You know, here, on this land, we have been growing grapes in exactly the same way for, oh, three thousand years. And in Santa Barbara?????"
I haven't mentioned Santa Barbara wine in Italy since. lol
@sgt
I have plenty of love for European beer, and when I spent a month in Germany a few years back you better believe I drank as much beer as I could get my hands on. I drank beer from pubs older than America and at beer fests in the middle of the Bavarian farm country, so I get the tradition aspect - but I don't think because you've been around for 500 years automatically gives you a lock on the quality department. And I believe a compelling argument could be made that the German Reinheitsgebot purity law puts a strange on creativity by those who abide by it.
So the guy is a snob that hasn't done anything different in 3,000 years. I can think of a lot of things that have been improved over the last 3,000 years. Maybe he has in his possession the ultimate knowledge of how to grow grapes, on just the right land - but he could easily just be full of himself.
So yeah, Portland has been brewing beer for about, oh... 30 years now. I know we have a long way to go until we can claim some sort of grand history of brewing, but I have to say, in the quality department, Europe no longer has a lock on good beers - and America is more than just Bud, Coors and Miller.
@scaler911
We spent a couple of weeks with friends in Simi Valley last summer and took a trip us the coast to Santa Barbara and Ojai. Stunning.
I was without bike on that trip and much more into the gravity assisted end of mountain biking but seeing people riding the canyon roads up and over from Malibu to Thousand Oaks and Agoura Hills started gnawing away at me when I got back. End result a new road bike and a complete shift in focus. Still hankering after riding up mountains is fairly pointless when you live in the bit of the UK that I do. Cambridgeshire is pancake flat!
@mcsqueak
Couldn't agree with you more about the arrogance of some of old world beer and wine producers when, in fact, they have largely stagnated. It's no surprise that a number of fading stars of the French industry have brought in Australian winemakers to bring them up to speed.
@Cyclops
Team Velominati FTW. We may not be "fast" but we'll damn well have the right socks on. And drink good beer at the end, heck between Portland and Wellington, there's only that godless land mass called Australia and we all know their beer tastes best out of a bucket.
@Chris
Yeah, I'm with you there. That's not to say I can't appreciate the hypocrisy of my own geographical-favoritism, as if I weren't born and raised here I wouldn't give a crap about the beer made in this town, just like the guy who sgt spoke to in Italy who was extremely proud of his 3,000 year-old vines.
But when your favorite beer (Hopworks Seven Grain Stout FTW) is brewed two miles from your house, it's hard to get all worked up about beer that is made 5,000 miles away and hard to not consider the local stuff somehow better, despite it being new.
@mcsqueak
Agreed. But the best beer in the world IMHO is Guinness. Not the pasteurized, shipped a zillion miles version we get here, the one you get at the brewery in Dublin. And, like you, it was kinda cool drinking it in a pub that was established 100 years before the Revolutionary War. (And I'm Irish, so.......).