Categories: Defining MomentsEtiquetteRacingRantings from the V-Bunker

The First Weak

Black eyes and yellow jersey go together like wine and pasta.

Three days in, and it’s already been a brutal opening week of the Tour. I’ve never heard of the Tour neutralizing part of the stage unless a Schleck was involved, but I was relieved to understand that the reason for the neutralization had more to do with how many doctors were available for the second crash than it did with the riders’ safety. That’s a load off; for a second there I thought the sport was going soggy on us.

Fabian broke his back for the second time this season, which makes me wonder what his plans are for the rest of the year. Appenzeller and blackouts seems like a good place to start; I don’t think he needs any more memories. Nibbles and Quintannaroo missed the split on Stage 2 and lost over a minute. Froome humped a lightbulb like a maniac up the Mur de Huy to take some more time on everyone but J-Rod. My Merckx, Chris can make a bike go batshit fast but fuck me if he doesn’t make it look absolutely horrendous. If everyone looked like him, I don’t believe I’d ever have gotten into the sport.

All this is to say that the opening week of the Tour de France sets it apart from every other Grand Tour; the large field, the level of competition, and the nature of the windy, mostly flat opening stages makes for chaos and chaos makes for crashes. How many riders have lost their chance at the Tour’s GC in a moment of inattention during the first 7 days on the bike? Even Hinault did a face-plant during the stage to Saint Etienne in 1985, although only he knows why he would be so reckless as to contest a bunch sprint in the first few days of the race.

Froomedog looks very good. On paper anyway, he looks horrible on the bike. I mean, look at him. He looks Nibbles in 2014 strong. Nibbles looks fit but seems a bit inattentive. Quintana looks overwhelmed. Contador looks fit tired. Everyone but Froome is looking for their peak; the only question on Froome is whether he’s peaking too soon. Remember that l’Alpe d’Huez comes on the Saturday before Paris.

The first signs of weakness are exposed in the first week of the Tour. And tomorrow we ride the cobbles. Fuck yeah cobbles.

Vive le Tour and Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Gabriel David says:

Jul 6 2015 at 8:33 pm

Hinault crashed at St. Ettiene, 14 days into the 1985 Tour. It wasn't in an early stage, but the fact that it happened after he had solidified his lead, made his sprint all the more stupefying. Bernie could never resist a fight.
Daccordi Rider says:

Jul 6 2015 at 8:38 pm

Good summary of the 4 there Frank. Bertie did look tired today, grimacing holding the wheel to the base of the Mur. I reckon Nibbles will ride into this, probably get time back tomorrow. Nairo, who knows, little fucker is invisible. Froome really does look a step above at the moment.

On another note, Simon Yates got a great result whilst being pretty banged up and J Rod turned the clock back with an awesome display. Bring on the cobbles, the race will likely be turned on its head again.
Oli says:

Jul 6 2015 at 8:54 pm

@Gabriel David

Dammit, you cut my lunch - I wanted to hassle Frank!
Barracuda says:

Jul 6 2015 at 8:58 pm

Also glad Andre the giant got up and is in green, couldn't handle the frustration if Cav was there. He's acting like some of my tennis countrymen at Wimbledon. Spoilt brats !
brett says:

Jul 6 2015 at 9:34 pm

God the Tour always disappoints me. I mean, no-one is going to beat Froome now. Good as over. But what are these morons doing getting caught out in a split on Stage 2 FFS?
Harminator says:

Jul 6 2015 at 10:46 pm

It's dry. Not like the day these fools got pave popshots.

Froomedog is going to crush it.
Simon says:

Jul 6 2015 at 10:49 pm

@Frank love your second line! Shame Faboo's out for tomorrow. With Trek's dearth of leadership I was looking forward to watching him smash it. Looking forward to, to watching Cav try and find some redemption.

Don't think it's over, by a long chalk. Nibbles isn't too far back; fatigue hasn't yet begun to bite, and I sense that Quintana will let rip at some point, he just seems too relaxed not to. Gallopin looked good - long shot for the top Frenchman?
rfreese888 says:

Jul 6 2015 at 11:08 pm

Froome was on it for sure coming up the Mur. Can't tell with Quintana either, he's bound to get some shots if he stays upright today.

Should have gone US instead of France and picked TJ Hooker over Pinot. His team is stronger too.

Did anyone sense a hint of schadenfreude when Degenkolb was interviewed by Lemond i.e. now that his GC leader is out he can go full gas on the cobbles?
GogglesPizano says:

Jul 6 2015 at 11:08 pm

and Spartacus rides in the last 59km of the stage with fucking a broken back!
rfreese888 says:

Jul 6 2015 at 11:11 pm

also standing between Lemond and Eurusport guy after the stage - Degenkolb's guns are just sick impressive!