Posting on the Tour de Blast, Bob asked if any of us were doing the Climb of Death up Cougar Mountain in Issaquah, WA, a climb locals refer to as “Zoo Hill”. Like an idiot, I registered, and have set about preparing for the event by doing very little training and blocking the event from my consciousness. My long-term strategy was to forget about it and then call foul later when I “realized” I had missed the event. Were it not for the fastidious planning by race organizer Joel Blatt, my plan might have worked, too. Instead, his regular email communications and updates ensured that I was perfectly aware of the fact that the event takes place August 7th, and he even convinced me to lobby for my start position.
I’ve ridden the climb in training on many occasions, and it has never approximated anything resembling “enjoyable”. It starts off steep and stays steep for the first 1.5 kilometers. About halfway up, it switches into straight sections of road that, while less steep, are painful reminders of how far you’ve got left to go. Reflecting on the number of months between me and peaking does little to reassure me that I’m ready for the climb. I haven’t even managed to reconnoiter the route and establish a race plan. Thinking about it, though, I realize it’s probably for the best, as recon will likely only result in the realization that having a plan will just make things worse.
I am, however, considering taking my Velomihottie’s climbing wheels and pumping her 19mm tires to 180psi in the hopes of reducing the amount of friction induced my my too-fat-to-climb ass. I’ve already removed one bottle cage, and I think I might remove the second; it’s not like I’m going to be taking any fluids on board. Quite the contrary: I’m hoping I don’t expunge a morning’s worth of food during the effort.
I suspect Bob might be an asshole.
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Let me say that i cannot believe everyone is downing this climb/race, because if we collectively as the cognoscentia are, well, then everyone else is for sure.
I say frank, you can.
Cyclists are notorious liars (rule?) come race day. Continue to lie like this all the way to the day of the race. Lie by saying things like 'i have hardly ridden' and 'i left my climbing pajama's at home'. Inject a little worry and concern of how the climb felt last time and the anticipation of the pain makes you want to just quit now.
Then make it happen....
Write us later and share with us of your fulminate pulmonary edema as you crest the Col in your big ring 7 used your teeth to grab your 16t and let it rip!!!
Because you can...
Due to time constraints then, I've revised my training recommendation.
Take the next couple days off so you don't peak now, fill both bidons with Chimay and your jersey pockets with bacon the day of, and put some hurt on those fuckers. Then get in your car afterward and break into tears (where nobody can see you) because you're in so much pain, go home, and lay on the couch for twenty-four hours watching vintage Tour videos, get a rub-down from your velomihottie using Baxter on your guns.
@Souleur
Being that I'm the "FBTGHODPLLBJLABU" and I always piss and moan about climbing and then when the time comes it always seems to go faster/easier than expected so I think I'll just continue with that M.O.
Chimay would be better for the descents. If you want to put the hurt on people, you need something that puts hair on your chest: Stone Oaked Arrogant Bastard or DFH 120minute IPA
Frank. Good luck. Given it's a hill climb - Lose the brakes and associated cabling - you won't need them and it's all excess weight to shed. If you have time (and I know it's only a couple of days away), you might want to get some coarse emery cloth and take off the lacquer and decorative layers of your frame which will help you shed, literally, fractions of a gram. If any time is left, start drilling (a la Hinault) - the frame, the gears, the seat post... and maybe even get a haircut.. every gram counts.
If all else fails, remember Tommy Simpson's training tips - Brandy, and lots of it.
Do all of us velominati younglings a favour - on the day, wear a heart rate monitor and post your telemetry on line so we can learn what the true application of Rule 5 by a hard core Velominati looks like.
Ride well, and good luck
I love hill climbs... (this can't be called a mountain).
I'm currently two months from peaking... (I can still climb okish due to my 64kg weight and youth) And in 2.5 months is my next big event, the British Universities Hill Climb, a bit shorter than this.
Anyway, enjoy yourself out there Frank, nothing beats the complete exhaustion at the end of these.
So, Frank, we're all giving you a bit of a bad time here (you kind of asked for it), but I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we're proud of you for giving it a good go, and we look forward to hearing a damned good report about it next week!
I have to say I'm overwhelmed by the copious amounts of good advice here. Between beer recommendations, fasting, Grand Slam breakfasts, defacing my bike, I'm feeling pretty good about this.
I've found a photo gallery from last year's race.
Have a look at the grade we're dealing with:
But there's some good news, too. Using my killer instinct, I've been able to scope out the competition so I can gain a competitive advantage.
Here's a dude in a t-shirt riding a mountain bike. I should be able to put at least a couple seconds into him.
Moving on, it appears the lady on the back of this tandem is on platform pedals, so there's no way her stroke is any good. I'll be able to take them, too.
This guy here scares me, though. Not only is he piloting a TT bike up this fucker, he is at such ease that he's smiling at the camera. My blood runs cold, seeing what kind of killer this guy is.
This dude's in clear violation of the Rules. I'm going to make sure I start right behind him and taunt him by hollering out all his violations as I pass him:
This woman has some serious guns, but - again - there's a serious of egregious Rule violations, so if I don't beat her on time alone, I'm sure the commisaires will add adequate penalties to her time to ensure I'm still higher in the classification:
I'm guessing this guy is the clear favorite to set the best time. I heard he got a job now, so just imagine what he'll be able to do this year, now that he can afford a bike with two wheels.
@frank
Surprising lack of attention to gram-saving by many of these competitors - too much rubber, unnecessary bidons (as none of them look like committed Chimay-imbibers), saddlebags, TT/tri bars. I don't think any of them take this stuff as seriously as you, Frank - and on that basis fully expect you to smoke the entire field. Good luck.
No fucking way that's a chick. If so, he-she's a hold-over from East Germany and that bike is made out of pure iron.