Posting on the Tour de Blast, Bob asked if any of us were doing the Climb of Death up Cougar Mountain in Issaquah, WA, a climb locals refer to as “Zoo Hill”. Like an idiot, I registered, and have set about preparing for the event by doing very little training and blocking the event from my consciousness. My long-term strategy was to forget about it and then call foul later when I “realized” I had missed the event. Were it not for the fastidious planning by race organizer Joel Blatt, my plan might have worked, too. Instead, his regular email communications and updates ensured that I was perfectly aware of the fact that the event takes place August 7th, and he even convinced me to lobby for my start position.
I’ve ridden the climb in training on many occasions, and it has never approximated anything resembling “enjoyable”. It starts off steep and stays steep for the first 1.5 kilometers. About halfway up, it switches into straight sections of road that, while less steep, are painful reminders of how far you’ve got left to go. Reflecting on the number of months between me and peaking does little to reassure me that I’m ready for the climb. I haven’t even managed to reconnoiter the route and establish a race plan. Thinking about it, though, I realize it’s probably for the best, as recon will likely only result in the realization that having a plan will just make things worse.
I am, however, considering taking my Velomihottie’s climbing wheels and pumping her 19mm tires to 180psi in the hopes of reducing the amount of friction induced my my too-fat-to-climb ass. I’ve already removed one bottle cage, and I think I might remove the second; it’s not like I’m going to be taking any fluids on board. Quite the contrary: I’m hoping I don’t expunge a morning’s worth of food during the effort.
I suspect Bob might be an asshole.
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@frankI have to say, taking a gander at the competition, this looks far more promising than I imagined. Are you going to dish them out some serious pain wearing the full Velominati kit?? Given that your competitors are all egregiously violating The Rules, you riding the R3 in the Velominati kit will at least show this collection of amateurs what good taste is and total coolness is all about...
@MarkoShe looks like one of those "triathletes" who can't seem to make up their minds about what chosen art to pursue. As a wise Sufi told me once, "digging too many shallow holes leads to no well."
@frankMan..checking out those photos again: tandems, dudes balancing on one wheel, dude's on a TT bike with aerobars, a woman on steroids, a dude with a sloppy t-shirt on a mountain bike...jesus, it looks like a fucking circus freak show...
Ah Frank do us proud! On the 22nd I've got a near identical hill climb TT. 5.25km at 7.5%. I just wanna beat all the women. Last year a 28 yr. old lass in her full Luna kit cracked the top ten w/a time of just under 18 min. I do this climb just a bit over 20 min. I only have two weeks to drop two minutes. Surely my new Velominati jersey will shave at least one min., but the other min. will require some serious inspiration. Thats where you come in Frank. Fly up that hill and grab a win! Then pass on any pointers you can glean from your experience.
Btw, thats a colorful group you roll with up there in the NW.
@cyclops: now thats funny. that is what my buddy does to me too, took me years to figure him out, assuming he was telling the truth because he would do that same thing saying he was feeling aweful and that this one isn't for him, then he would kill it.
@frank: Those are some great pics, and kudo's to the tandem. Double the pain. Your velomanti kit is a must as you have to start behind the maillot-juane clad CSC rider...and pass him and just like you said tell him how impressed you are in yourself for taking the yellow!
Perhaps do the race in arm and leg warmers and use the event for "training"
Spewing would be cool. Down one of your horrible Fosters at the start line, call out your fellow competitors as egregious Rule violators and Nancy-boys. Roll off on the R3 and Zipps, full kit, leaving the scent of Baxters in the air as you disappear up the hill.
You will kill all these low weeds, no worries, and spew the Fosters toward the finish, all down your front.
Or take Jarvis's advice, go with full arm and leg warmers, only speak Italian, mumble something about training.
Good luck on the ride. I think an off-the-cuff "this looks tough, but I climb well for my weight" is in order, and when you get to the top: "so is it the best of my three climbs or the average? 'Cause this is my third." And don't be put off by the pictures: the start line is just out of sight around the bend, so the smiling guy just got started. Oh, and passing anyone involves screaming out "TRIPPELL!" when called for. Or just citing rule violations as you go past. Grimpe well.
Special Edition VSP: Pick Frank's time on the ride. Like the Price is Right, you can't go over. So closest without going over wins. Winner gets the Too Fat To Climb Award.