Posting on the Tour de Blast, Bob asked if any of us were doing the Climb of Death up Cougar Mountain in Issaquah, WA, a climb locals refer to as “Zoo Hill”. Like an idiot, I registered, and have set about preparing for the event by doing very little training and blocking the event from my consciousness. My long-term strategy was to forget about it and then call foul later when I “realized” I had missed the event. Were it not for the fastidious planning by race organizer Joel Blatt, my plan might have worked, too. Instead, his regular email communications and updates ensured that I was perfectly aware of the fact that the event takes place August 7th, and he even convinced me to lobby for my start position.
I’ve ridden the climb in training on many occasions, and it has never approximated anything resembling “enjoyable”. It starts off steep and stays steep for the first 1.5 kilometers. About halfway up, it switches into straight sections of road that, while less steep, are painful reminders of how far you’ve got left to go. Reflecting on the number of months between me and peaking does little to reassure me that I’m ready for the climb. I haven’t even managed to reconnoiter the route and establish a race plan. Thinking about it, though, I realize it’s probably for the best, as recon will likely only result in the realization that having a plan will just make things worse.
I am, however, considering taking my Velomihottie’s climbing wheels and pumping her 19mm tires to 180psi in the hopes of reducing the amount of friction induced my my too-fat-to-climb ass. I’ve already removed one bottle cage, and I think I might remove the second; it’s not like I’m going to be taking any fluids on board. Quite the contrary: I’m hoping I don’t expunge a morning’s worth of food during the effort.
I suspect Bob might be an asshole.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@frank
Same with my tat
From Cambridge Dictionary
decal: a picture or design printed on special paper, that can be put onto another surface, such as metal or glass
sticker:a small piece of paper or plastic with a picture or writing on one side and glue or another similar substance on the other side, so that it will fasten to a surface
hmmm..let me see. Both are a picture/writing/design on paper that can be fixed to another surface. So a decal is a sticker and your a rule breaker...
Careful with that Rule #57 clause, you don't want a naked picture of me on your stem...
@Jarvis
70mm stem?
I may violate Rule 57 for the frame "decals" but haven't decided yet. It is, afterall, a Rule that I penned so it would be a flagarant violation. I certainly wouldn't go whole hog like Frank. Maybe a simple cog on the seat tube. I do like the the rider's name over Velominati on the top tube ala the pro look. He sent out some pics earlier, we'll post them up later.
@Marko
Gotta say: as decals/stickers go, that one is pretty slick and understated. At the same time, my mother stopped sewing my name into my underwear a loooong time ago...
@Steampunk
You use underwear?
Update from the finish line:
Two suspicions are confirmed:
1) I am indeed too fat to climb. It remains to be seen how well I climb for my weight, as results are not yet posted.
2) Bob is in fact an asshole.
Turns out mine was a third-class ticket into the pain pool. No return flight.
@frank
Maybe you should have left the stickers off until later. Good work though, regardless. Ya don't know unless you go. Too bad there's not a podium for style. You'd stand alone.
@marko
140
however names are allowed so liking the sound of the name over Velominati
@Marko
Use underwear for what? I used the past tense.
@frank
Well done, Frank. I trust you finished with either "I thought the finish line was supposed to be back around the last bend, so that's why I slowed down" or "What?? That's it?? I was pacing myself for the next 8k. My kick comes with 3.2k to go..."
@Marko
It's because of Frank that there's no podium for style. What do you do with the other two steps?
@frank too fat to climb well