Categories: Racing

The Pain Pool: Wading in Above the Waist

Cougar Mountain Time Trial Route

Posting on the Tour de Blast, Bob asked if any of us were doing the Climb of Death up Cougar Mountain in Issaquah, WA, a climb locals refer to as “Zoo Hill”.  Like an idiot, I registered, and have set about preparing for the event by doing very little training and blocking the event from my consciousness.  My long-term strategy was to forget about it and then call foul later when I “realized” I had missed the event.  Were it not for the fastidious planning by race organizer Joel Blatt, my plan might have worked, too.  Instead, his regular email communications and updates ensured that I was perfectly aware of the fact that the event takes place August 7th, and he even convinced me to lobby for my start position.

I’ve ridden the climb in training on many occasions, and it has never approximated anything resembling “enjoyable”.  It starts off steep and stays steep for the first 1.5 kilometers.  About halfway up, it switches into straight sections of road that, while less steep, are painful reminders of how far you’ve got left to go.  Reflecting on the number of months between me and peaking does little to reassure me that I’m ready for the climb.  I haven’t even managed to reconnoiter the route and establish a race plan.  Thinking about it, though, I realize it’s probably for the best, as recon will likely only result in the realization that having a plan will just make things worse.

I am, however, considering taking my Velomihottie’s climbing wheels and pumping her 19mm tires to 180psi in the hopes of reducing the amount of friction induced my my too-fat-to-climb ass.  I’ve already removed one bottle cage, and I think I might remove the second; it’s not like I’m going to be taking any fluids on board. Quite the contrary: I’m hoping I don’t expunge a morning’s worth of food during the effort.

I suspect Bob might be an asshole.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Nathan
    is not enough to have been right? ;-)

    @Frank
    can I have your Jawbones, as you obviously don't need them. Taking your post-race de-brief into account, I reckon that in your mind you were riding it as if you were race-fit and not at your current level where obviously you're aiming to peak in a couple of months. Hence the ultimate 14 rather than the sub-13. Still good aim for next year.

  • Hey, don't sell me short... that would be Dutch A-hole! Great run at the ZH TT Frank, the photo is a keeper too. Luckily I have been on vacation. Indeed a healthy observance of Rule #5. Hmmm... but maybe a slight breach on Rule #7 with the arms?

    I perused the musings on "Acceptability of a Method", hopefully some thoughts will gel.

  • @Bob
    YOU ARE A FUCKING DUTCHMAN? I knew I liked you. The world owes us Dutch a debt of gratitude, that's for sure. Absent among them, however, is the recommendation to ride the Zoo Hill TT. A fucking foray into the Pain Cave with no flashlight, that is.

    That said, at the recommendation of various community members, perhaps we shall convene next year for this Rule 5 Fest? I'm all for it. We all have something like 11.932344 months to peak for it. There's no excuse to miss it, really.

    If nothing else has come of this, at least our mates at BigRingRiding have recongnized the effort.

  • This mountain time trial stuff is a different bird. Last minute preparation probably should have excluded the hot dog, cheeseburger, potato salad, and numerous Newcastles at last nights bbq. Held my own anyhow this morning and had Rule 5, a Velominati jersey, and a mental image of Frank from his TT to pull me through. Climbing on a group ride is one thing when you have others to share the pace, but TT climbing is a sick head game as those of you who have done so might agree, and I think I like it. It pretty much requires a heavy dose of Rule 5. Hopefully a decent cadre of Velominati will make it for next years Climb of Death.

  • The British Universities Hill Climb is coming up this weekend... Here... I will be riding, and hoping to take at least 30 seconds off last years time (if I do, that will be top 20ish). Of course it all depends on how well the taper from this gruelling training schedule goes...

  • @Nathan
    Good luck, mate! I assume that by "grueling training schedule" you mean "drinking 7 pints a day" and by "tapering" you mean "I stopped drinking full stop and now I'm spending 3 hours a day on the turbo trainer"?

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