Categories: Awesome Italian GuysEtiquetteLook ProMusings from the V-BunkerRacingTechnique

The Quick Zip Salute

K.I.S.S meets Soundgarden.

Diego Ulissi did us all a service on stage 4 of the Giro. Not only did he win in the best way possible for a rouleur with a sprint – by not having to sprint – he timed his attack so perfectly that he only had time for a split-second salute, and an even quicker jersey zip-up before the line. The textbook precision of his winning routine should be the blueprint for all Pros:

Attack over the top of the last short climb. Take a quick look behind. Shit, it worked.
Do the Top-Tube Pedal Squat on the descent. This does bugger all to help the advantage, but looks like you’re doing all you can to stay away. One of these days someone is going to get this spectacularly wrong.
Don’t look back again. This usually means you are flagging and almost expecting to be caught. The chasers use it as extra motivation to get across.
When that line is in sight, take a quick peek, realise you’ve won, and zip up that jersey with a sleight of hand that would do Maradona proud.
Get those arms out to the side, nice and wide, and hit the line flying. Rule the world.

This technique is perfect for so many reasons, but the most important one is it doesn’t allow any spare time for “Finishing Straight Fuck Arounds”. No hundreds of metres of looking to the sky, pointing to the sky, realising you’re on Team Sky and not actually winning, rocking babies, shooting guns or arrows, shooting guns or arrows at babies, pointing at your bony chest for some reason, and a dozen different arm movements that make you look like one of those blow up things that flap about outside used car lots and garden centres having a sale. Just get to the line, then lay down your simple, classic Jesus Christ Pose . Because if you’ve won a stage of the Giro, you are God. If just for one day.

Brett

Don't blame me

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anthony says:

May 12 2016 at 12:16 pm

@Buck Rogers

@anthony

@Phillip Mercer

@anthony

I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

Yeah I heard that as well. He was named after Maradona according to Ciro. Just made me think there is probably a lot of Diego’s in Napoli around his age.

Cheers

Right. So do we need to give Diego Ulissi the moniker “Hand of God” now?

I don't no if he quite ready to take that from his name sake, but it sounds awesome!!
Tomnil says:

May 12 2016 at 1:00 pm

Coolest Giro winner ever? Gösta Pettersson enters Vigorello velodrome finishing the final stage as winner in 1971.https://youtu.be/Yj_3FlUuP74?t=2100
Teocalli says:

May 12 2016 at 3:28 pm

@ErikdR

Peter Green and the original Fleetwood Mac, less is more - before he blew his mind - or at least before he had it blown for him by some dubious group in Germany.
Buck Rogers says:

May 12 2016 at 3:53 pm

@Matt

@Buck Rogers

Agreed. I’ve always found that photo both beautiful and haunting. The word “ascension” comes to mind.

YES! Perfetto!
Barracuda says:

May 12 2016 at 4:47 pm

@Buck Rogers

But when all is said and done, this, for me, is the greatest Giro winning salute that I have ever seen.

Yes, FULL STOP, no more correspondence need be entered into !
Beers says:

May 12 2016 at 5:59 pm

@Teocalli

How they used to do it – See Pollentier at 1:04

Holy Fuck! There is some total gold in there. Such aviators, maximum luft!
Jay says:

May 12 2016 at 6:17 pm

Regardless, Ulissi's win win and celebration was a thing of beauty. That is all.
VirenqueforeVer says:

May 12 2016 at 7:48 pm

Sorry
RobSandy says:

May 12 2016 at 10:49 pm

@ErikdR

I’ve been “educating” him a bit on the subject ever since – and am sort of rediscovering the late, great R.G. myself in the process. Which I like. A lot. Amazing how well the man and his music have stood the test of time, methinks.

Great work my friend. My dad saw him live in the 70's and was completely blown away, and when he thought I'd get it he played me the 'Rory Gallagher' album. I rate Rory as the best British blues guitarist, think he was better than that Clapton bloke.

The guitar solos in Tattoo'd Lady are just fabulous.

I could bang on about Rory for days- don't get me going...
Bow says:

May 13 2016 at 12:42 am

@RobSandy
Before you go banging on for days about Rory, I'd just like to point out that he was'nt British.