These cobbles don't stand a chance against little Lizzie A. Photo: Ashley Gruber.
For those of you with an interest in the subtle art of Paying Attention, you may have noticed a few things about my writing technique: apart from the inescapable fact that it is untrained and terrible, I make a habit of overusing the semicolon, a practice I started when I heard my third grade teacher tell me it was a substitute for any conjunction. That might not be what she said and it is definitely not correct; that’s what I heard and it stuck. I also capitalize every word that holds a personal meaning, a habit I co-opted from German where nouns are typically capitalized; it left an impression on me in terms of valuing words with importance. I took this principle and applied it according to my own whimsy, as I am wont to do, and now capitalize every important word, like “Cycling”, “Awesome”, and “Looking Fantastic”.
On that subject, can I just say 2016 Is Getting Off On The Right Foot. Het Volk (which I refuse to call by its correct name) saw two seriously legitimate podiums, with rainbows in both the men and the women’s races. I’m still not sure if the Saganwagon is wearing Rule #33 legs, but Lizzie pulled a Cancellara and just “accidentally” dropped the bunch to win the first continental race she competed in while wearing the rainbow bands. And both World Champions are wearing black bibshorts, something they had to gain UCI approval for. I have to say, a small part of me feels like our work here is done. Then Faboo and Lizzie crushed the gravel in the Strade Bianche. Then, Paris-Nice, which is a snoozer of a race as far as I’m concerned, loaded up today’s stage up with Chalk Dust Torture roads. Ohhellsyeah.
With how much V has been pouring out of the sport so far this season, this is trending well to be a strong year. Last year for Keepers Tour, we lived a dream by riding the cobbles in the rain and mud, but were once again disappointed to witness yet another dry Paris-Roubaix. This year will be different. Statistically speaking, this lies in favor of the law of averages. The rains will fall, the roads will be slick with silt, manure and mud, and the three will be indistinguishable to the rider chewing on the rooster tail of the rider in front.
I will commit an entire paragraph to point out that Tom Boonen is the only active Paris-Roubaix podium placer to have raced Paris-Roubaix in the wet, way back in 2002. He came in third. In truth, no one can call themselves a Cobbles Specialist if they haven’t raced the cobbles in the wet. That makes Boonen the King of the Cobbles of our generation. Even more so than Kenny.
So fuck yeah cobbles and fuck yeah rain. This can’t be another dry Cobbled Classics week in April. May the rains fall as heavy as the V.
VLVV.
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@JohnnyK "insert thick glasses photo here"....
So Lizzie is what height? 167 cm ? And any guesses what size bike that is that she's racing? A 49cm bike? It looks like a tiny little bike to me for someone her height. Maybe in part it's the visual of the sloping top tube? And looks like end up with a stem at 13cm or something like that. I don't know...
I guess when I was growing up as a kid I was always on a bike that was one size too big. I just got comfortable riding larger bikes. I've commented on this many times: pro's sure seem to like little bikes.
Gotta believe the Paris-Nice directors heard Boonen ringing in their ears when they decided to cancel today's stage...
@Ron
Dunno about that. The French being influenced by Belgian whining? Pas probable.
@Harminator
Damn nonsense is what it is. Have we lost all the HardMen of the sport?
@Harminator
Schadenfreude
@hudson
I have hard feelings on this one. I can understand the whole argument that "these are professional athletes paid millions of dollars a year to ply their trade and to put them at undue risk is an insult and not the right thing to do" but then the other argument is that they ARE fucking paid a shit-tonne of money (at least some are) for what reason??? To ride their fucking bikes!!! It is not like they are doing fucking brain surgery and the lights go out so you have to stop the surgery; it is riding a fucking bike. And, AND mind you, they have the right to fucking climb off their bike any fucking time they feel that it is TOO dangerous. That is partly why I will never get on the Sparty bandwagon. He is the fucking maestro of going all Nancy in the middle of a ride; whether it is too hot/too cold/too wet/too much for the Schlecks/etc. I think that they ought to have a committee made up of Le Blaireau, Andy Hampsten and Ian Fuckin Stannard and if the majority of those three feel that the race should be called off, then do it, but otherwise no one is forcing the riders to ride when they feel too cold/hot/panzy/scared and they can get off their fucking bikes anytime they want.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpqZgGHmjeE (cannot find the greatest post-race interview of modern times with Ian post-2010 KBK)
@Buck Rogers
Great idea. Put Hinault, Hampsten and Stannard on the UCI's Extreme Weather Protocol panel and see how many appeals emerge.
Reading reports that the stage was neutralised for 125k yet there was a break 1.20 up the road at the 80k mark. How does a break go clear in a neutralised stage? Sounds like a shambles.
Follow Sean Kelly's advice on this one: toe up at the start, race to the finish, and when the stage is over the organizers can decide whether it should have been cancelled to accommodate the pussies who signed in that morning. Fucking snowflakes.
Bugs me, a lot. I'm never ever gonna be Pro, not fast enough and too old, but all freakin winter i was kitting up, when it was 0 degrees, iffy roads, and snow falling in the dark just to get in a ride before work. If someone would have said before my last turn "hey, if you keep riding in this horrible weather for another 4 hours we will pay you. Or...you can keep on to your mundane job" I'd have drop that heavy back pack and rode on no questions asked