You can’t teach an old dog new tricks but you can grab a beer and watch that old dog do the same stupid thing over and over again, which is almost the same as a doing trick. On an unrelated note, I find myself, for the third year running, staring down the business end of the week approaching the Climb4Cancer time trial up Zoo Hill in Issaquah, Washington.
Zoo Hill is perhaps the most diabolical climb I know of, and I include in that statement the various cobbled bergs we tackled in Belgium this year, as well as the considerable heap of climbs around the US and Europe that I’ve had the great pleasure of hauling my too fat to climb carcass up. The trouble with this particular climb is the ferocity of the lower pitches which give way to a dead-straight final section of road consisting of ever-steepening rollers.
There is no keeping the powder dry on the ramps that litter the bottom half of the climb; this is an á bloc, stay-alive effort which serves to mop up speed and morale in equal measure. By the time you make the right-hand turn onto the sinister second half of the climb, your guns are fried and lungs hemorrhaging V resin. This section of road is nearly straight (which Science has proven is the most annoying kind of road to climb) and consists of a series of rollers which gain in gradient and culminate with the longest and steepest of them. This section is made physically daunting by the already-blown guns at your disposal, and mentally devastating by the fact that even if you could remember how many rollers there are in total, there is no way you can remember how many you’ve already sorted. (The answers are always “too many” and “not enough”, respectively.)
Riding this section during recon, it’s tempting to imagine moving Sur La Plaque and using the momentum from the short descents to fly up the next roller and thus dispatching with this comparatively easier section without much ado. Arriving here during the race, however, one faces an alternate reality consisting of legs reduced to quivering lumps of useless flesh, and rather than slipping into the big ring, ghost-shifting into a non-existent lower gear.
I look forward to my next attempt at bettering my time up Haleakala in Hawaii, which represents an unrelenting 60km ride from sea level to 3,000 meters, dished out in a massive four-hour helping of serial suffering. But I find nothing but dread in my heart when I cast my mind to the quarter of an hour of comprehensive pain I will endure on Saturday.
Donations Update
This event is organized to support cancer research with donations going to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. The Climb4Cancer Charity has arranged for donation-matching; for those of you who donated prior to the event, your contributions were given in the name of the Velominati Community. Thanks to you all for your support.
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@Marcus
I'll only DNF if I rip the BB out or break a crankarm. But I'm also considering bringing a spare bike just in case.
By the way, I've asked @marko to text me right before the start saying, "You look strong, Fronky boy!" and then I'll be off with my face in the wind like a dog out a car window.
Machine is cleaned and prep'd for the ride. Made some critical, race-deciding changes.
First, I installed shorter valve extenders. This is better than brass because its lighter, and I installed some pretty short ones so I don't carry all that dead weight around with every wheel revolution. Probably gained about 15% right there.
Cleaned the drivetrain, she's hummin' like a song.
And, most importantly, I yanked that dead weight of my Zipp carbon cages off the frame. Didn't even put the bolts back in because they are like lead.
Shaved at litterally fractions of grams by making these adjustments.
The bike is all set, kit laid out, gear in the V-Mussette. Getting phyched.
@Frank Nice work, my valves are looking gargantuan by comparison and I can feel the drag from the grime on my drivetrain (which I did clean, but not quite to your standards). I have, however, treated my machine to some new bar tape (white, of course), which I'm hoping will give me a psychological boost worth at least 10 seconds. Oh, and I removed one bidon cage but kept the other for warm-up hydration, although now I'm reconsidering that choice... I can't believe how much thought I put into a ride that will hopefully take less than fifteen minutes!
@ralph Thank you for pointing out the duplicates. It startled me when you referenced Houston. Since I still live here. Which is a problem.
@frank I'll be the optimist. I move my prognostication to 14:04.
@frank
I predict you will shatter the 12:00 barrier if @marko simply texts the message, "I just posted an emoticon." Your rage will take care of the rest.
Nice work, Frank! Fuck those cage bolts.
The harrier jet pilot looks like he could fit in a jersey pocket. And that corner looks like a nightmare.
Good luck!
@frank
Frank, you have ruined my concept of saddle to bar drop. Good luck tomorrow.
@frank
Lookin good brother. My only concern is that you won't be able to get your tyres to the proper BAR, cause your floor pumps suck serious ass. At least I know what to get you for Christmas.
@DerHoggz
True story, I've seen other pictures of Franks's bike, but I still am amazed. I look at my own machine and hang my head in shame.
@frank good luck, mate
Bit of grime on your 14. 13:44.
Good luck and good legs and don't have any fun until it's over. Then go nuts.