You can’t teach an old dog new tricks but you can grab a beer and watch that old dog do the same stupid thing over and over again, which is almost the same as a doing trick. On an unrelated note, I find myself, for the third year running, staring down the business end of the week approaching the Climb4Cancer time trial up Zoo Hill in Issaquah, Washington.
Zoo Hill is perhaps the most diabolical climb I know of, and I include in that statement the various cobbled bergs we tackled in Belgium this year, as well as the considerable heap of climbs around the US and Europe that I’ve had the great pleasure of hauling my too fat to climb carcass up. The trouble with this particular climb is the ferocity of the lower pitches which give way to a dead-straight final section of road consisting of ever-steepening rollers.
There is no keeping the powder dry on the ramps that litter the bottom half of the climb; this is an á bloc, stay-alive effort which serves to mop up speed and morale in equal measure. By the time you make the right-hand turn onto the sinister second half of the climb, your guns are fried and lungs hemorrhaging V resin. This section of road is nearly straight (which Science has proven is the most annoying kind of road to climb) and consists of a series of rollers which gain in gradient and culminate with the longest and steepest of them. This section is made physically daunting by the already-blown guns at your disposal, and mentally devastating by the fact that even if you could remember how many rollers there are in total, there is no way you can remember how many you’ve already sorted. (The answers are always “too many” and “not enough”, respectively.)
Riding this section during recon, it’s tempting to imagine moving Sur La Plaque and using the momentum from the short descents to fly up the next roller and thus dispatching with this comparatively easier section without much ado. Arriving here during the race, however, one faces an alternate reality consisting of legs reduced to quivering lumps of useless flesh, and rather than slipping into the big ring, ghost-shifting into a non-existent lower gear.
I look forward to my next attempt at bettering my time up Haleakala in Hawaii, which represents an unrelenting 60km ride from sea level to 3,000 meters, dished out in a massive four-hour helping of serial suffering. But I find nothing but dread in my heart when I cast my mind to the quarter of an hour of comprehensive pain I will endure on Saturday.
Donations Update
This event is organized to support cancer research with donations going to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. The Climb4Cancer Charity has arranged for donation-matching; for those of you who donated prior to the event, your contributions were given in the name of the Velominati Community. Thanks to you all for your support.
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Go get em boys! I'm bummed I can't come up and take part myself.
@mcsqueak, @Xyverz Thanks guys!
@ChrisO Next time I'll just spell it with three p's. I should abandon language altogether and just go back to hammer and chisel.
@RedRanger
14:14, which was slower than the year previous when I was much heavier. Disappointing result, but if memory serves, my time was proportionally less slower than the winner, so I used that fact to blame the rain. Looks like good weather is forcast for Saturday, so that should help.
My goal is to set the course record and break 10 minutes.
On the other hand, I'll be happy with anything sub-14; 13:30 would have me downing pints like my life depended on it in celebration, starting immediately after the ride which I should finish around 10am.
@James
@RedRanger, @James is right. My time was 14:14 two years ago, 14:19 last year. My goals remain the same, though, despite this fact.
@James, the start list hasn't been published yet, has it? I haven't seen it. I will be pissed if you start anywhere within shooting range of me.
@grumbledook
I have not had the (dis)pleasure of doing that ride...The East Side of the Porte d'Aspet is also a real bugger in this regard, though its never quite dead straight. The last 4km average 17%, I think, which is really just not appropriate at all.
@scaler911
What's stopping you?
@Frank last I heard the start times will be posted on Friday. I actually think it would be quite motivating for us to ride one after the other! My time in 2010 was also faster than the subsequent year. I think the rain slowed everyone down in 2011, but I have also been convincing myself that in 2010 we were blessed with a tail wind. A head wind in the long straight of the second half of the climb is vicious, particularly following an over-exuberant start...
Hey, where have we seen that lead photo before? Frank, you gotta get your personal moto and photog out more often to snap some new pics of ya!
Good luck! This sounds horrible.
Blowing up is such a crazy feeling. One minute you are on top of the world, the next you've been hit by The Hammer. Had this happen a few weeks ago in a fast group ride (race). Oh, I feel great. I'm going for it up this climb. Halfway up I was cooked. Ugh. A pal thankfully gave me a little push on the back and in such a situation anything helps.
How did it already get to be the middle of July? It's supposed to be climbing season but I definitely feel Too Fat To Climb.
@Ron
Ha, funny. I thought I might have used it; and indeed you're right. It was the lead photo for the Fatigue article back in March. This is actually from last years race so it seemed appropriate. But I may have to find another to replace this with...
@James
Ugh, I hadn't even considered a headwind. Thanks for that. But is there any other kind of start to a hill ITT? In the words of Eddy, start as fast as you can, end as fast as you can. As for the middle, well, ride it as fast as you can.
Good luck Frank. I always follow your climbing exploits with particular interest. The Zoo and the Maui Ha-i'll-kill-ya climbs are suffering that I'm glad doesn't involve me. Any chance to get G'rilla to start before you?
Cool beans! Thanks for posting about this, Frank, as otherwise it would have slipped by me without notice.
I will see you there. Last year, I rode this event, and it was my first time up the Zoo Hill parcours. You're right about that first bit, it kicked my ass.