As a byproduct of brakes being strictly for ornamental purposes, cyclists are often forced to find alternative means of stopping their bikes. As a matter of both convenience and effectiveness, the tarmac and other objects of greater mass than the sum of cyclist and bicycle are often employed for this purpose. Collectively, we refer to this process as “crashing” and typically frown upon its use at least as much as using brakes in the first place. While strikingly effective, the process involves several undesirable side effects including a loss of skin, blood, and equipment. It also inflicts some degree of pain. Though tragic when they occur, brain injuries are rare primarily because you can’t hurt what you don’t have.
Though his powers are weakening, if I was going to identify an authority in this process within the Pro Peloton, I might pick Christian Vande Velde or, as we know him by his Nomen Velominatus: Twistin Banged and Felled. After a career spent in the service of others, Christian rocketed to the top of the “We’ll Doom You With Our Unrealistic Expectations” list during the 2008 Tour de France when he flirted with a podium place before falling off his bike while going down a mountain. In 2009, he crashed out of the Giro d’Italia on Stage 3 and, being short on form due to his injuries, returned to the role of domestique for Brad Wiggins in the Tour. He might have fallen off again, but I’m not sure. Let’s assume he did, for sake of argument. In 2010, he decided that 2009 was so cracking, he’d try to repeat the formula and crashed out of the Giro on Stage 3 for the second year running. It was all going to plan until he mistakenly also crashed out of the Tour on Stage 2, during the infamous Stockeu oil-slick crash. Oh well, best laid plans and all that.
Amidst of all this brakeless stopping, however, Christian has experienced the aforementioned side-effects acutely. As a result, he has some serious back problems and was forced to grow a few special bones which he then broke just so he could hold the record for Most Broken Bones. He contemplated retirement several times, knowing the battle that waited before him as he lay injured in a hospital bed somewhere in Europe.
Coming back from injury is hard. I’m coming back from laziness myself, and even that’s hard. Going out every day, knowing you’re not as fast and strong as you were, knowing that all the work it took to get that strong and fast has been lost and all that suffering will have to be relived. It’s as maddening as it is demoralizing.
But each time, he gritted his teeth and fought back. When Cycling is in your blood, there is no other way. You may tell yourself you’ll quit, or that you’ll never do a ride again, but those things are just something your brain and body need to hear before they start something hard over again from scratch.
Twistin Banged and Felled, and got back up. And as his performance as Ryder Hesjedal’s super domestique in the closing stages of the Giro d’Italia testifies, it was a fight worth having. More than any of the attacks, sprints, victories and losses, the image that for me identifies the 2012 Giro is that of Christian on the front of the ever-dwindling bunch on its way up the Stelvio. Kilometer after kilometer, after kilometer: Christian with the throttle wide open. Ryder better have given him a special thank you gift from Canada, though I’m not sure what that would be. Miniature hockey stick, probably.
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@Ron
If you want to stop better than you've ever stopped before, put these on your cross bike:
http://www.trpbrakes.com/category.php?productid=1120&catid=185&subcat=0
Unbelievable stopping power - almost too good. And forget fork shudder, noise, and fickle set-ups. Awesome cross brakes.
After the 2004 presidential election in the states I spent much time on marryacanadian.com trolling for new citizenshi...er a new bride. I can also see Canada from my house (well, if I get into a canoe and paddle for a couple hours) so all this Canada slagging makes me think about being offended. Which I suppose is Canadian in and of itself. Think about being offended then be reminded you're a doormat and laugh at yourself.
CvV is certainly the workingman's velominatus. Sort of like Hincapie but with even less realized potential. This one goes out to you CvV - courtesy of Canada:
I get up at seven, yeah,
And I go to work at nine.
I got no time for livin'.
Yes, I'm workin' all the time.
It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am.
I guess that's why they call me,
They call me the workin' man.
They call me the workin' man.
I guess that's what I am.
So I get home at five o'clock,
And I take myself out a nice, cold beer.
Always seem to be wond'rin'
Why there's nothin' goin' down here.
It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am.
I guess that's why they call me,
They call me the workin' man.
They call me the workin' man.
I guess that's what I am.
Well they call me the workin' man.
I guess that's what I am.
knowing that all the work it took to get that strong and fast has been lost and all that suffering will have to be relived. It's as maddening as it is demoralizing.
This what I'm learning at the moment, the sort of times I'm clocking up climbs it would appear that over 7 weeks I've lost the equivalent of a year in terms of performance, not to mention a butt load of confidence going back down said hills...
@mouse
Spoken like a true Aussie, or whatever you are. Canada is actually a suburb of two towns: Seattle and NYC.
@Marko
This also draws into sharp relief the fact that Minnesota, by and large, is more Canadian than it is American. But without the good health care. And with much better beer.
@Marko
I love Old Rush from before Neil Pert. Back when they just wanted to be Led Zeppelin.
@frank
I also appreciate a band that doesn't give a shit about maintaining a tempo throughout a song. My Merckx did they ever speed up during that.
@frank
What's the US dollar worth these days? With my paltry academic salary in Canadian dollars, I just bought half of Montana on ebay. Look out, Wyoming: I'm annexing you next. That is, after I survey Vermont at the end of the month. Note that Minnesota and Vermont are probably already more Canadian than most of Canada. I'd knock Seattle, but I actually rather like Seattle. Shame about the music scene, though...
@Marko
I had assumed you were going in this direction, considering CVV is actually American.
Again, how this turned into Canada-slagging is a delightful surprise.
@minion
Don't even get me started on Romney. That tosser thinks that he stands for what the founding fathers of the US stood for. In reality, he's pretty much looking to turn the clock back a few dozen decades...
@ten B
I've been living in the US for 30+ years, and I *still* spell shit with the 'ise'... My spell-checkers hate it.