Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutadol
2. Shrek the Younger
3. Cuddles
4. Wiggo
5. Van Den Broeck
VSP PICKS:
1. Alberto Contador
2. Cadel Evans
3. Andy Shleck
4. Levi Leipheimer
5. Bradley Wiggins
It could happen.
VSP PICKS:
1. contador
2. schleck andy
3. good cadel
4. schleck frank
5. wiggle
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Cadel
3. Sanchez
4. Wiggins
5. Franck Schleck
Sooo hard to pick the last three. Wiggo, JVDB, and Gesink all left out in the cold. Should be a great race. By the way, Frank, I also think that we should get a bonus VSP point if we correctly pick which one of the top 5 on GC will test positive! :)
VSP PICKS:
1. cuntador
2. a schleck
3. evans
4. basso
5. sanchez
VSP PICKS:
1. Alberto Contador
2. Andy Schleck
3. Samuel Sanchez
4. Robert Gesink
5. Ivan Basso
VSP PICKS:
1. Cuddles
2. Grimplette
3. Clentador
4. Horner
5. Wiggins
Here goes nothing…
VSP PICKS:
1. Schleck, A
2. Contador
3. cuddles
4. Wiggins
5. gesink
Frandy disappointed a lot when they couldn’t attack PhilGil at Liege. They were abysmal, no panache. Now I think is time when we could see Cuddles up there, so it goes like this…
VSP PICKS:
1. Cadel
2. Contador
3. Andy
4. Wiggins
5. JVDB
VSP PICKS:
1. a schleck
2. Basso
3. sanchez
4. clenbuttador
5. cuddles
Hey,
What’s the little lantern badge thingy?
VSP PICKS:
1. cadel
2. clentador
3. a schleck
4. jvdb
5. wiggo
@scaler911
It means you suck at VSP. Just kidding! It means that you are in last place in the VSP competition.
Its a god thing I took the day off from work. Now I have time to think about this.
VSP PICKS:
1. Grimplette
2. Clenbutador
3. Cuddles
4. Wiggo
5. Horner
No Clentador… ever!
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy
2. Cuddles
3. Wiggo
4. Ryder
5. Basso
I notice Wiggo making it into a lot of toop fives, as a brit i have my fingers crossed, he seems to be in a lot better form than last year and has matured a lot more as a team leader too. Can’t wait for it all to kick off.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutador
2. Cuddles
3. Grimplette
4. Horner
5. Wiggo
@pkmason
Really hope cuddles and grimplette can topple the king. But, his power this year is undeniable. following the mind not the heart.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Evans
3. Wiggo
4. Schleck the Younger
5. Leipheimer
@Buck Rogers
You’re probably right.
VSP PICKS:
1. A. Schleck
2. A. Clenbuterol
3. C. Evans
4. I. Basso
5. B. Wiggins
@scaler911
:) Just type Lanterne rouge into google or wiki and it’ll give you all the history. Frank has it as a marker for those that are in last place in the VSP standings.
Okay, fecked up terribly in the TdS due to not reading the rules, but now I have, I am going to be all tactical
– I’ll take a couple of penalty points on monday #2, just to see the 2 Beastardots of the 2011 Spring Classics fighting over the MJ, and at least make some early VSP running (attention seeking behaviour, I know)
Thereafter, it’ll depend on whats on the menu at the local tapas bar, but I fully intend to pop the scruffy haired schoolboy Endy above the immaculately presented annoying Spanish Flea for the home run, for in 2011, justice shall be done!!
VSP PICKS:
1. P Giblets
2. Spartacus
3. JVDB
4. Wiggo
5. Veino
This is more what I would like to see than any real analytical tactic to the VSP.
After TdS I would love to see Cunego put in a huge ride. Same for Basso. Best of luck!
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy
2. Basso
3. Conti
4. JVDB
5. Cunego
@Dr C
Truly a “V” worthy attitude within the VSP!!!
Yay for dumb names.
VSP PICKS:
1. stupid jerk steak eater
2. Andy Schlecktacular
3. ‘Lil Cuddles-wuddles
4. I’m Wiggin’ out
5. FrØnkinstein Schleck
@Buck Rogers
Never knew about that. Learn something new here everyday. While I know it applies to TdF, that’s going to be me at next months Masters Nationals RR in Bend Or. I can tell the VMH: “huni, I was the Lanterne Rouge today”! And she’ll be proud………..
@scaler911
Make sure to get an elk burger and a pint of the black stuff at the Deschutes brewpub afterwords. You can cry into your beer if you need to.
VSP PICKS:
1. stupid jerk steak eater
2. Andy Schlecktacular
3. ‘Lil Cuddles-wuddles
4. I’m Wiggin’ out
5. FrØnkinstein Schleck
Would love to see a few other guys get on the box instead (Roche, Wiggo, Spartacus), but I have to go with the Vegas line…
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutador
2. The Grimplette
3. Cuddles
4. Leadville Levi
5. Geskinnydutchman
VSP PICKS:
1. A. Contador
2. T. Martin
3. B. Wiggins
4. D. Cuenego
5. R. Kreuziger
I’ll be on vacation for the first week, but still checking in. Hopefully I don’t miss any bonus stage picks. The upside: I’ll be in the mountains of New Hampshire, practicing my Sur La Plaque.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clentador
2. Grimplette
3. Cuddles
4. Sammy Sanchez
5. Horner
I hate to go with Alburpo FTW but I think if he’s allowed to race he will be untouchable. And as much as I would like to see Cuddles get his act together and some luck go his way I think even a top five for him is a stretch.
VSP PICKS:
1. Cantadore
2. Gimp Jr.
3. Horner
4. Bassomatic
5. Cuddles
My stomach is full of anger and I want to take my revenge.
VSP PICKS:
1. Angry Stomach
2. Clentador
3. Cuddles
4. Wiggles
5. Basso
Perhaps this a good place to ask this question:
What is the best place to watch the Tour online, outside of free streams such as those found on steephill.tv?
I don’t have cable TV any more. I don’t mind paying like $20-$30 for a quality streaming service like Versus, since it’ll be nearly a month of quality entertainment. Has anyone used their app before? Was it any good? Is there anything better?
I just want the ability to watch on my own time (in the evening after work), have good-quality video, and have English-speaking announcers, preferably Liggett, because he’s the man.
VSP PICKS:
1. stupid jerk steak eater
2. Andy Schlecktacular
3. ‘Lil Cuddles-wuddles
4. I’m Wiggin’ out
5. FrØnkinstein Schleck
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Contador
3. Cadel Evans
4. Bradley Wiggins
5. Jurgen Van den Broeck
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. sammy sanchez
3. robert gesink
4. wiggins
5. andy schleck
VSP PICKS:
1. A Schleck
2. Contador
3. Wiggins
4. Levi
5. Evans
well – I think Contador might do the double, but I think the others will need some V power in their favour, and Wiggo has been entertaining me with his piss taking and Horner has been talking smack! :O)
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Horner
3. Wiggo
4. Contador
5. Jurgen Van den Broeck
lol – I love Faboos new paint job! :O)
If Schleck beats Alberto this year, I’ll eat a steak.
One of the RadioShack riders will be up there – I’m really not sure who, though. My heart wants, in this order: Horner, Janez, Levi. Janez is going to break out sometime soon.
Cadelephant has been solid in the pre-season, and has proven to be a TT stomper.
Gesink has a crazy team around him! Mollema, Tens Dam’s Beard, Garate, etc. I like those chances – but I don’t like his TT chances.
I don’t think Wiggo can hang all three weeks.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutador
2. Grimpy the Younger
3. Snickers and a Coke
4. Good Cadel
5. The Climbing Dutchman
Also – Lieuwe Westra is on the Vacansoleil roster! Decent spring, decent sprint and a bit of a TT specialist. Not his first GT (Vuelta 2009), but he’s a rising star and it’s his first TdF.
http://www.cqranking.com/men/asp/gen/rider.asp?riderid=4229
VSP PICKS:
1. A Schleck
2. Wiggens
3. Contador
4. Levi Leipheimer
5. Cadel
Dam’it! That’s not easy! So many guys for the 4th and 5th position…but let’s go!
VSP PICKS:
1. Schleck Jr.
2. Spanish Steak
3. Cadel
4. Wiggins
5. Horner
If Contador gets booted midway, everyone slides up and JVDB moves into 5th.
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Spanish Beef
3. Ivan Basso
4. Chris Horner
5. Robert Gesink
VSP PICKS:
1. schleck
@al
dammit – the old trouble
and the result from the English jury is …
VSP PICKS:
1. schleck
2. contador
3. wiggins
4. basso
5. evans
@darkwing i like the wiggo confidence, i reckon he’ll place well but not sure about the podium. What’s your rationale?
@mcsqueak
I used Versus Tour Tracker last year as I was traveling a lot during July. It’s good. Worked on the iPad, too.
Thanks for the reminder, I’ve got to go sign up again.