Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
@minion
When the roads point consistently up for kilometre after kilometre I don’t think it’ll matter that Contordure’s “only” got Richie P in support, so long as he himself is there or thereabouts at the front. And I think the other teams will know that. So what will be very interesting is how hard the BMCs and Leotard-Schlecks drill the pace before hitting the slopes. Bring it on.
@Bianchi Denti
Respec.
@Ron
And of course, there’s the standard, “I just take it one game at a time. Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I can keep playing the game I love for several more years.”
Here is a special shout out to an Australian betting operation called Luxbet.
On their latest betting odds they have Contador at $2, ASchleck at 2.65 and Cuddles at 6. But their special recognition is for the odds they are paying on Brakesabit (or should that be Brakesabitbutnotenough?) – $99,999.
Somehow those odds don’t seem that generous given he isn’t in the race anymore…
Usual suspects in the breakaway, Johnny Hoooo is oop the road again
@Bianchi Denti
Not much V value in requesting your V to be recognized I wouldn’t have thought. But + 1 for pre work hill repeats.
@G’phant
@minion
I seem to recall that last year when the road turned decidedly “up” a couple of Spanish kids called Navarro and Hernandez were not too far away from Contadorable for much of the climb.
@paolo
Yes, good point. Even more reason not to count him out.
DZ is the new Jens.
@paolo
Yeah, but the difference is he has a minute forty to make up that no – one is going to want him to have. Crashing, getting booed at the presentation, losing time early, making a bit of a dick of himself when Cadel pipped him…If he does win this one, it won’t be his favorite victory, that’s for sure. I realize a large part of my assumption rests on other teams not making a massive tits up tactically, which can be a lot to expect.
@Marko
Blasphemy! And one of the cycling news outlets are saying Boonen is the new Jens.
@Marko
Blasphemy. Jens is Batman. DZ is Robin (although he claims to be Captain America).
@RedRanger
You’re quicker to the line. Great minds…
@Minion
Where I him it would be these very reasons that would make it my favourite victory.
Is it me or is this the best tour so far in years?
Don’t forget AC had a pretty restfull run-up to Le Tour. Seems to me he is using the first stages to ride into form. I don’t expect anything spectacular from him till the Alps.
@Marko
DZ is absolutely my favorite. He has been exploding himself at the front these past few days. Two stages ago, he pulled for 16 or 17 straight minutes to single-handedly pull back the break.
DZ’s antics always crack me up.
Seriously nice Rule #9 racing today. Once they catch the solo break, they are going to go apeshit.
Tommy V goes again!
That was short lived for Tommy. Very nice result for EBH.
Thor is a GOOOOOD! How many sprints has he figured in this week??? It says something that Cav and T.F. are sitting this out – its hard to go from high test to vitamins neh?
@pakrat
Correct – and other than being somewhat dumb/unlucky in the first stage all that Contador has done so far is to NOT completely rip legs off in a type of finish he has not completely dominated in the past.
Given its a 3 week race and he will have been purposely laying off after the Giro, to my mind have seen nothing so far to tell me he still doesnt win with a leg in the sir.
@Marcus
I do think you and pakrat are spot on my only question is will the lack of Spanish beef this Tour be a handicap?
@Marcus @pakrat
I’m two days behind right now (just watched Stage 4 last night), so I haven’t been commenting much – but I agree that we will see Steakosaurus open things up a bit more when the road tilts uphill. He was pretty eager to try and make an attack at end of stage 4 but just couldn’t keep up with those sprinters. It’ll be interesting to see what he has in his tank next week.
@paolo
Good point. The V must be offered, never requested.
@paolo
I agree about it being an awesome Tour. Its fascinating to watch and the design of the stages has mixed things up a fair bit. Tomorrow looks like a full on sprint finish, but I wonder whether the intermediate being relatively close to the end will have an impact.
It’s great to see Thor putting paid to the curse of the rainbow jersey in a gleeful manner. Man’s fricken loving this race, ain’t he?
@heath
Oh goddamit. How could I compile my VSP picks based on entertaining photo opportunities and leave out the most handsome man ever to ride a bike? Rookie, amateur error.
@Minion
Yeah it’s safe to say that between he & Cuddles the curse has been smashed…spose that’s the difference in having two slightly more “roleur” style riders in the bands as opposed to some sprinter who is never seen until the last 100m of a race.
Sad to see Boonen pulling out. Poor bloke looked pretty devastated.
@mcsqueak
Man, I’m WAYYYY behind! I’m on vacation in VT again for 9 days and am currently sneaking on VSP to check things out. I’m going to have to buy the WCP 2011 race so I can actually see some of it! No TV here at Camp! Go Cadel and here’s to hoping that Roche can get into the top 10!
@il ciclista medio
Boonen’s out?!?!?!? Ohh man, that stinks!!!
@Buck Rogers
Yes mate, gone! Camera panned back to him in deep discussion with the team car, next thing their both pulling over to the side and with bowed head, he’s in the car. Respect to the man though for lasting this long after hitting the deck like he did.
Boonen was riding like he was draggin an anvil behind his bike yesterday.
Quicksteps year just keeps going from bad to worse
I wonder who else will be dropping…there were others hurting too
Sean Kelly pontificating on the which GC riders could do getting their rse in gear
“(Andy)Schleck could do with a slap,”
I’m not sure a slap from Kelly would do his overall chances any good!
Gutted to see Boonen out.
Stuart O’Grady my have been protecting Schlecklet from the Sean Kelly slap:
“When I woke this morning it was the first time on the race I felt like I’d been clipped by a tonka truck. It’s been hard on the legs but it’s been more stressful than anything else”
“when was the last time we’ve gotten to Stage 7 of the Tour without seeing a stage winner from France, Italy or Spain?” chapeau to twitterist @irishpeloton
Damn, that was a nasty one. Poor Wiggins.
Feck Wiggo down and receiving med aid!
wiggo’s out….
broke collarbone???
Broken Collar Bone…
Huge bummer.
oh no! not wiggo! damn.
Wiggo out? What a wild first week.
Tough on the Sky lads who’ve now got to catch the peloton
Sad news that Brad Wiggins has broken his collar bone. For those of you with Wiggo in your picks, you will have until 5am tomorrow to make the changes to your lineup.
Bummed for Wiggins. Seemed like his best chance yet to make some noise in Le tour.
Aw, poor Wiggins. Sad for Boonen too. I just watched stage five last night where he hit the deck and had to try and come back from 6′ behind… rough indeed.
I’ve swapped Wiggins for Gilbert.
VSP PICKS:
1. stupid jerk steak eater
2. Andy Schlecktacular
3. Lil Cuddles-wuddles
4. What’s eating Gilbert Grape
5. Fronkinstein Schleck
Cuddles for Wiggo…
VSP PICKS:
1. Bertie
2. Basso
3. Little Schleck
4. Cunego
5. Cuddles
VSP PICKS:
1. Basso
2. Grimplette
3. Bad Cadelephant
4. Grimpelder
5. Guessink.
Basso for wiggo
VSP PICKS:
1. cadel
2. clentador
3. a schleck
4. jvdb
5. Basso
@frank
Ah Shite!!!!
I don’t care anymore