Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
Trying to put a positive spin on all the bad luck so far: I’m not sure I could pick three riders I like more to carry the maillot jaune this far. I would dearly love for Little Tommy V to surprise with some phenomenal climbing in the Pyrenees (he looks to be in exceptional form) and hold onto the jersey longer than expected””could happen if the GC contenders mark each other too closely. How cool would it be for him to hang on for a top ten finish? And if not Voeckler, maybe his tongue could hold on for a top ten finish…
I’ve realized that with Luis Leon taking yesterday’s stage, I need to clarify my #3 pick. I meant SÄmuel.
@Marcus
He’s one of the senior peloton riders and clearly someone the others respect so he leads them in taking action.
He’s not like Cavendish for example, mouthing off about everything. Moaning implies a more constant state of querulousness.
My point being if someone with the experience and bike-skills of Cancellara feels it is serious enough to say something then I think Prudhomme and others should listen.
@ChrisO
So this is related to the poor driving of two individuals how precisely? Are you saying that the Tour should avoid narrow roads in case idiots in the convoy can’t cope with them? Was it the road’s fault that the moron in the French TV car took out Flecha and Hoogerland? If we take out the narrow and/or slippery roads the Tour will look pretty lame, if it could be run at all. And FYI the roads have been narrow and/or slippery since the Tour started rolling through France.
There’s a lot of kneejerk BS going down, when really the blame is only on the drivers involved.
And I’ve noticed several stages where there have been mad crashes including team leaders where Cancellara hasn’t slowed the peloton, what’s up with that? If he’s the arbiter of safety the stages must be pretty safe.
Can’t decide if I should switch out LL for Dirty, otherwise I like my pics. Maybe I’ll wait for the next rest day. And, btw, is there any rider in the peloton who isn’t really grateful for this rest day?
@Oli
I didn’t say it was – thought that was pretty clear. I was making a more general point about the way Prudhomme has structured the race and how it has created a manic atmosphere.
However I did add that it’s possible such things lead to people driving in reckless ways. Prudhomme has tried to do a Zomegnan with similar results – whether or not they are the ones he intended or foresaw.
Add to Cancellara:
Brent Bookwalter “Insane and absurd. Did we learn nothing from the Giro. Crashing and mayhem playing bigger factor than sport.”
Cadel Evans “nuts”
F Schleck “no words to describe this day”
If you think they are all indulging in knee-jerk BS then fine. I know who I think has a more valid opinion.
Horner out, Kloedi in. He’s going well enough – but with his back issues… if he pulls out I’ll get another swap later on free-of-charge.
Also – anyone who tells a fan “fuck you” on Twitter gets my vote. It’s like he’s the new Cadel.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Clenbutador
2. Grimpy the Younger
3. Kloedi
4. Good Cadel
5. The Climbing Dutchman
Jurgen Van den Broeck was DNF, no penalty please :O)
What a day yesterday!
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. Frank Schleck
3. Contador
4. Andy Schleck
5. Tony Martin
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. Andy Schleck
3. I Basso
4. Cadel Evans
5. Frank Schleck
@ChrisO
Personally I like this years course. It hasn’t bored me to tears like the first week of the tour in years past. It seems like a bunch of spring classics rolled into a multi-stage event.
The only reason for the issues this year are a couple of dumbass press drivers, and the peloton going batnutts over the blood they smell in the water with AC looking so vulnerable. They all thought they had a shot at it and knocked each other out. I haven’t seen those interviews, but as usual they may be taken out of context. If not, then what a bunch of overpaid prima donas.
I’ll stick with my picks. I’m not sure about the order, though. To me, Contador looks less capable of making up the time than I originally thought. But he and Mr. 60 know better than I.
Voeckler is my hero.
I don’t think the course has been much more demanding or dangerous than other years.
Totally re-arranged my picks, penalties be damned.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. CADEL
2. Schleckette
3. Contador
4. Fränk Schleck
5. Tony Martin
now I have 0 points! excellent
Question to our Medicominati: With Vino’s multiple fractures at the top of his femur, (not sure if it’s his ball joint or something as far down as the top of the shaft), does that ultimately mean hip replacement? Yikes!
@Jeff in PetroMetro
I am not a doctor, but have suffered something similar:
The surgeon wasn’t sure if the bone would survive, and if it didn’t, I’d have to undergo surgery again and get a titanium replacement. Luckily the bone (and I) survived… As much as I dislike Veino, let’s hope he doesn’t end up with a hip replacement.
Rest day picks
1 evans
2 a schleck
3 f schleck
4 contador
5 t martin
Having falling afoul of the Piti Principle, restoring #3 to Andy, and swapping Frank in for Basso, my replacement for Wiggo…
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. El Steakelero
2. Cuddles
3. Grimplette
4. Grimpelder
5. Weight of a Nation
I am feeling good about my picks. Just need Basso to pick up his game a little more.
Bloody Norah, you go on holiday for a couple of days and World War 3 breaks out in France again!!!
Nothing much to say about the non cyclists in this Tour – I’m sure they realise how shit they ought to feel, lucky no-one died – not sure how you prevent Veino type crash – wet and dry is always going to be more dangerous that wet or dry, though I did say as I got up to get an ice cold beer from the fridge, as Johnny Hoo’s foot came out of his pedal, “I’m not looking forward to seeing the peleton going down that road….”
As for the Car incident, Mmmmm.
Anyway, 3 of my top 5 now out, and the first two in Giblets and Cancellracing, were only there for Day 1 glory – so I’ve got a full reshuffle to do
Out go all 5, except Giblets who moves down to 3rd spot
1. Endy Schlecky
2. Fronk Schlecky
3. Giblets
4. Fuckslang
5. Tommy V, for no other reason than he’s daft
No chance of doing anything with this selection, but whatTF, I’ve lost all sense of what is going on
@Jeff in PetroMetro
If the couple of reports I read saying “complex fracture of the femoral head” are accurate, then it is a distinct possibility. I’ll defer to the orthopods among us for the finer points.
Now Jesper, about your right lung…
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Levi Lifetimer
5. Frankenschleck
Using a rest day swap to put Basso in place of Ivy Leafclimber.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Basso me culo
5. Frankenschleck
What’s not to like?
From The Inner Ring.
How hard am I going? Doesn’t matter: I’m not at the line yet. Guy’s a stud.
Another thing I noticed while watching stages 8 and 9 yesterday, were the doofus fans that would sit there with their backs to the road and wave signs at the helicopter camera, as the whole peloton would ride by behind them.
“Duurr.. I just sat here for four hours, and rather than watching the racers for the 20-second window they’ll be infront of me for, I’m gonna wave at the TV camera! Hurrr I’m on Teevee!!”
Seems like something Americans would do.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. stupid jerk steak eater
2. Andy Schlecktacular
3. Lil Cuddles-wuddles
4. What’s eating Gilbert Grape
5. Fronkinstein Schleck
@CJ
Your DNFs had to be entered by midnight last night to qualify for free swaps. At noon, the rest day swaps kicked in.
@diablo, @Dr C
You have to put your changes into the VSP Picks form; they don’t count if you just type them in-line into the comment section. Make sure you go back and enter them; if you don’t see your picks, enter your email address into the form as your picks will load up (as soon as you finish typing your email address).
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Grimplette
2. Good Cuddles
3. Grimpelder
4. Basso
5. Guessink
Switching Levi for Evans. Don’t think L.L. can make back 7 mins…
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. A. Schleck
3. Basso
4. Evans
5. Gesink
What the heck, I’ll drop Basso in there and take the hit. I’ve always liked the guy and Leaky-gas seems to be avoiding trouble so they might just start going well.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Bertie FTW
2. Cadel-Thisisyourlife-Evans
3. Basstardo
4. Grimpelder
5. Schleckito
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. A. Schleck
3. Contador
4. Basso
5. Martin
JENS has just showed up on Twitter (@thejensie). Already closing in on 6000 followers…
ok i’m gonna bring VDB out for martini see him nipping in for a top 5, i can see velits getting in there too but i recon he’ll be sacrificed
stupid of me to miss the transfer window for VDB
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. Cuddles
3. Martin
4. A Schleck
5. Gesink
Sorry, forgot to type them in the wee boxes not as a comment.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Andy Schleck
2. Contador
3. Cadel Evans
4. Tony Martin
5. Frank Schleck
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. A. Schleck
3. F. Schleck
4. C Vandevelde
5. Gilbert
Damn it I missed the cut off for dnf swaps…back to the lantern rouge.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Grimplett
2. Contadorable
3. Guessink
4. Cuddles
5. Basso
@Oli
+1
EVERY year the riders complain about how nuts the first week is and how iffy the course is. Whether it is Dutch road furniture, turns in the last km or whatever. First week is always dangerous, cars in the convoy always do crazy shit (was it Jesper Skibby on the Angliru?) and reporters always sensationalize.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. A schleck
3. Basso
4. F Schleck
5. Evans
Chaps, a bit off topic but have you seen the latest video from the Performance dude….. http://youtu.be/Jn0FF1KwL4I
Just realised that was a huge faux pas – should have been chaps and chapesses. Either way, now having checked more of his postings the Performance dude may be a Velominatus if this is anything to go by http://youtu.be/iyaXpzRz0HY
The only pic I am really questioning is Sammy Sanchez.
Did any one notice that one rider has already tested + on the fifth stage? One of them Russian riders.
@RedRanger
Good spot, just checked CyclingNews for more info. So, in this dude’s case he’s taking PEDs (alright, failed Sample A) and currently placing 69th. That was worth it, but at least he withdrew himself. Just shows all you need is V.
@Jonny
Nice. I’m pretty sure that’s the 3rd Schleck brother.
@Steampunk
Closer to 20.000 now…
@RedRanger
Kolobnev. Too bad, he is a really good rider who already finished second in a couple of World Championships.
@Netraam
Scratch that. Twitter glitched? 11.000 now.
@Netraam
This will be my last reply today, but he is on 18.000 now.
His JENS-ness just destroys the coding.
Dont you just love Tommy Voeckler:
There is a downside to being in yellow, as Voeckler pointed out. “It means I won’t be able to get in any breakaways which is almost a shame because the 158km stage 10 offers ideal terrain for attackers.”
Well, changes are a part of life. Basso and Frank the elder. I don’t like my picks but I moved Cadel up to the top.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. Contador
3. Andy Schleck
4. Basso
5. Frank Schleck
@Marcus
The man has spirit and will always try, try , try.
@all: So will the Beef pull through, will the fraternal twins be Schleckless or Schleckmore, can Cadwell climb to the top, will little Tommy V. live up to the jersey?
Or will a Yank/Belge/Italian rider pull off a big one?
I am loving this tour it is only sad to watch the interviews and see how Cadel, Hincapie, Cavendish, among others, are so human and thoughtful about their mates crashing out and I do not mean just their teammates.
@Jonny
@Netraam
Thanks for sharing the info. Didn’t have time on my brake to get all the info for the folks here. I know he a well liked rider. As I understand it this was leaked by the lab.
Klout ranks your twitter power on a scale of 1 to 100. According to Klout (klout.com) as of 8:55pm EST Jens Voight @thejensie has no Klout.
Clearly Klout is about to get its soul crushed.