Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
@Erik
He has over 21k on day one. Cacelarra has been around a while and only has 70k.nsoumds like Klout are a bunch of idiots!
@tommee
Something else bothering me about this assertion is that if that car had hit a pedestrian it would have killed them. Most countries have laws prohibiting the broadcast of such events, so we wouldn’t have ‘seen’ it at all.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cuddles' Dog vs Journo
2. Gil – Rutger Hauer – Bear
3. Thor's mighty hammer
4. JENS MOTHER FUNKIN VOIGHT!
5. Whoever runs COTHO into ditch
@minion
Hey – does that mean your 5th pick is Karpets?
Hoogerland’s feeling better.
But his Ridley has measles.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Basso me culo
5. Frankenschleck
@xyxax
at least he is running that standard team shorts. Its a shame really. I love those Ridley bikes and the team paint job.
@RedRanger
It’s pronounced, “Rooskies”.
@Marcus
As many here predicted. I love this place. All y’alls rule.
@Rob
Well, since Yanks are technically Dutch, I’m going to say Johnny Hoogie already pulled it out. BOOM.
@frank
forgive me Comrade Frank
@xyxax
I’m normally really against matching the paint job/helmet to the jumper, particularly when the jumper happens to be dotty. But in this case, I’m going to say he should milk this one for all he can. Dude got ROBBED by that car, and I can’t begin to estimate the fiscal damages of potentially having won the stage and being able to take the fight for the jumper at 100%.
He has my blessings. That boy is on the A-List.
@RedRanger
Amen. I’ve been cruising the their website recently trying to figure if I could squeeze into an XL NoahRS.
Ridley also makes a great turtle.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Basso me culo
5. Frankenschleck
I wish I never saw the first video from “the Performance dude.” I knew things were fucked when a friend’s wife (former friend, never hear from him after he married that crazy gal) sent me a link to that. I’d never seen it, nor ever really discussed my passion for cycling with her, but she somehow thought I’d enjoy it. Nope.
Hmm, very tough choice I have here with the VSP…I pretty much like my original picks. But Gesink has me ge-ussing. He’s crashed, he seems a bit out of it, but do I want to suffer the 2 stroke penalty? And fuck with the charm of letting me original picks ride it out? I’ve got around nine hours to analyze…
I don’t mind a bike with measles. And wow, where can I get some socks as high as Jonny’s? Those are awesome. Mid calf? Those might be over the calf on me.
I still can’t believe how wildly and violently Jonny H. went into the barbed wire. He was like a dolly tossed onto the heap. Crazy.
But yeah, he can do whatever he wants after finishing that ride. Talk about Rule Ving it in to the line after a tough spill.
@Xyxax
I’m 6’3″ and have an XL Noah. Fits fine – just wish they did telescoping seat post though – cutting into the carbon fibre and then thinking maybe it needs to come up a bit is not good. (They do give you some inserts to adjust the height).
Interesting that Hoogerland isn’t on the brand new Noah where the front brake is integrated into the fork. They unveiled it for the tour.
@frank
+1 hunnert. I think Hoogerland is just down the road from Awesomeland.
My wife saw on the LeMonde comments section some provocateurs saying that the car took out Flecha and Hoogerland to give the two french riders a better shot at the stage win. Gotta love the internet.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Basso me culo
5. Frankenschleck
@ChrisO
That’s good info. I remember your Ridley from the Bikes section and it’s what got me looking. I have 3-4 inches extra to accomodate though (I’m shrinking but not fast enough). A swappable seat post and long stem would help in my rudimentary understanding of such things.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Basso me culo
5. Frankenschleck
@harminator
It would, but I’ve abandoned my VSP in favour of good taste. There wasn’t much to start with.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cuddles’ Dog vs Journo
2. Gil – Rutger Hauer – Bear
3. Thor’s mighty hammer
4. JENS MOTHER FUNKIN VOIGHT!
5. Whoever runs COTHO into ditch
The only thing I don’t like about this annual vacation is missing the first week of le Tour. I wouldn’t (and can’t) change this event. That said, just catching up. I think Spanish Steak is playing everyone, but the rest of the leader board is too strong to let him crack this nut. We’ll see. Bummer about my local boy Chris. Nice guy, I’ve ridden Cascade Classic with him back in the day.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. cuddles
2. Basso
3. f shack the elder
4. schlekels the younger
5. clenbuttador
@ChrisO
There’s probably pieces of one lying in a barbed wire fence in France somewhere.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cuddles’ Dog vs Journo
2. Gil – Rutger Hauer – Bear
3. Thor’s mighty hammer
4. JENS MOTHER FUNKIN VOIGHT!
5. Whoever runs COTHO into ditch
Swapping out Horner and JVDB.
Cheers to Hoogerland for a righteous demonstration of rule V. I suppose this goes without saying.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. A. Schleck
2. Evans
3. F. Schleck
4. Basso
5. Gesink
@xyxax
Very good. And very apt.
@xyxax
Yes, that crafty driver, clipping Flecha in just the right way so as to tip him and Johnny without tipping TV. Bit of a surprise to find that The Stig is French, though.
Revising my rest day swaps. Sticking with Sammy after all but flipping Cadel and Franks spots to 2nd and 5th respectively.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. Cadel
3. Schleck
4. Sammy Sanchez
5. Frank Schleck
Guess I have to do a swap too… Gesink aint going nowhere. I’m also mildly surprised at Kreuziger. He hasn’t crashed (has he?) but is way, way down.
Also have just clarified that the Sanchez in my original picks was S not LL.
Anyway I’m going to stick Tony Martin in – he’s been quiet and stayed out of trouble. Tossing up between him and Cunego but Prince Damiano has disappointed so often. It would be too much to ask for both him and Evans to come good in the same tour.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Contador
2. A Schelck
3. Evans
4. Martin
5. S Sanchez
@xyxax
I think you’d be fine for seatpost height – I took about 3cm off and it now measures 76cm from centre BB to top of seatpost tube. And you’ve got another 8mm of inserts I think can be accommodated.
TT length might be more of an issue if your height is in your body. My TT is 58cm centre to centre, and it slopes so I guess that’s about 60-61cm on a straight TT and I have a 120mm stem.
@Minion Yes I thought his bike was probably trashed but I guess that would have been a new one anyway. How do they make up new bikes for the next day ? Surely each team doesn’t have jersey bikes for several riders just in case – but I always thought it took days for paint to be applied to frames. Do they have “Wet Paint” notes on the TT ?
And I’m out. Though if Hoogerland does win a stage, that’ll be the hardest won 5 points in VSP history.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Johnny Hoogerland
2. Veino
3. Thor’s mighty hammer
4. JENS MOTHER FUNKIN VOIGHT!
5. Whoever runs COTHO into ditch
This may have been posted elsewhere but saw this on a local news site today and thought it worthwhile to place here, given the past few days. Cipo with another insight into why one rides, despite the inherent dangers
“A sprint . . . it is like an orgasm, a joy that is as physical as mental. In civil life it is difficult to find this degree of emotion.” – Mario Cipollini, former Italian sprint star
Damn. Stil in france but miles away from the action. Have recce’d a few of the hills though, if they go up from the italian side of col d’agnel, Conty will smash it. That is a beast of a climb, lots of ramps over 14pc. Why is no-one talking about Ivan the not terrible? He battered cuddles up zoncolan a couple of years back with his grinning and relentlessly even stroke…he’s got to be up there.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Bertie
2. Grimp Jr
3. Basso
4. Good Cadel
5. Grimp Sr
@frank
Hoogerland got the early morning call for a doping test before today’s stage. They can’t even let the poor guy sleep…
I notice Thor’s wearing black bibs w/his rainbow jersey today. That’s a good little thunder god.
I really enjoyed watching Gadret get spit out the back just now.
Tommy V at it again!
I got no problems with Tommy V as he’s lighting it up. Interesting though to read what Flecha had to say about him. Sour grapes or grain of truth?
Maiilots Vert and Jaune in the breakaway. That’s racing!
That attempt from Giblets was epic.
Shattered it didn’t work!
@all
If you had DNF swaps from Sunday, you had to make the changes before midnight in order to get your changes for free, as was announced several times (here, on Twitter, and Facebook.)
We have finished all the Rest Day swap mappings; if you are confident submitted your change before the midnight (Pacific) deadline but still believe you were incorrectly given penalty points, go ahead and dispute your picks and we’ll review the situation.
Fuck that was a great win for the big German. Been a long time coming for him.
Whoa! Cavendish gets beat by the G-man.
When was the last time someone came around Cav like that? Damn impressive.
No change in the overall, but we’re reposting the results as the scores are updated with penalties taken on the 1st Rest Day Swaps.
[vsp_results id=”8758″]
[/vsp_results]
@Collin
Yeah, very nice sprint. Especially sweet, I’m guessing, based on his change of teams for the change to go head to head with Cav. Nicely played. Did you see the size of his guns? Monster.
@frank
He is a gorilla. His sprinting style is so violent compared to Cav. The amount of force he exerts on his bike must be stunning.
@xyxax
My right lung? Nothing wrong with that ;) My right biceps on the other hand…
When big G came in third the other day he basically said he went to early and that wasnt the last to bee seen from him. The same stage Cav said Andrea went to early but was surprised by hid speed
@Collin
You can see some data on the SRM site: Andre Greipel Tour of Germany
That’s why all the bikes have those “extra beefy” bottom brackets that are trendy these days…
@Marko
Oh I bet it’s totally true. Flecha has been around long enough to see Voeckler in action. I bet he is a driven little french devil, and it got him in the maillot jaune. What are you gonna do, he’s Voeckler, Fuggetaboutittt.
Greipel is HUGE! Oss isn’t small either. Cav was lost between those two. When Cavendish looked over and saw who it was racing him to the line I was sure he’d pull out the win.
Nice win for the Big G.
No shame in racing all out for Tommy V. Flecha doesn’t seem to be that critical, but just honest. It’s nice to actually have pros say something.
I normally don’t have a t.v. but staying with a friend and he has one with something silly like 700. I watched the race numerous times on Sunday, many hours worth. I can’t be bothered to watch a single other thing on television though. So boring after Le Tour. Baseball All-Star game? Eck. Football lockout? Please, please happen. Golf? I don’t think so.
Anyway, another great stage, more great racing. Is Gilbert going to hibernate all of next year? He deserves it after all the big digs he’s put in during many, many races.
@JesperXT
It’s a wonder you aren’t permanently tilted to the right with all that hardware in there. (I have a smaller version on my ankle, like someone too afraid to have a real tattoo)
@Marko
Accelerate? I think the break actually slowed down once his team car got to him. But it was clear that there was no way they would be getting up any time soon. So why wait? Sounds llike sour grapes.
I choose titanium for less weight ;) Arm’s a bit shorter as well, to make it even lighter…