Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
Tour of tours. Even from stage 4, there could be upsets – good Cadel sticking a power climb up the wall in a break. 12 and 14, crushing glory days in the Pyrenees, where the steak is flowing and Bertie needs to stick in a big effort for the fans, high on gutrot wine, cider and pata negra. Then a brutal, hot wind blast through the south, unrelenting climbs up into Gap to sap the legs of the domestiques holding it all together. Then just as the rising tide carrying them to the Alps appears unrelenting, 16,17 let the brave break on the downhills in a testament of carbon, rubber, asphalt and pure brass balls to pick up valuable seconds before the big monsters.
Et finalment, a brutal gladiatorial contest up Galibier and Huez…time for the les frères Grimpeur to shine if they have anything left, time for Bertie to hang on, time for Basso to bash out that metronomic cadence, rictus grin in place, that carried him away from good cadel up Zoncolan last year.
Surely no one can win it or lose it on the TT?
Contador – he’s the best, he’s a doper and will juice it to the finish.
Grimp Jr – Perennial 2nd best. Still don’t believe he’s entirely clean but he’s cleaner than Bertie and will not have the firepower at the end to put in the hurt.
Basso – Clean. Hard. Will be perpetual 3rd in the mountains but stick in some immortal descents on the run into the Alps and carry it to the end.
Cadel – Will hit hard in the power stages, could even be an early yellow jersey but just…still…..too fat to climb.
Wiggins – Dark horse. Fucked it last year but looked tough in the Dauphine. He’ll be the Nibali of the tour, consistent, strong but no fireworks. Probably because he’s also clean as a whistle.
VSP PICKS:
1. Bertie
2. Grimp Jr
3. Basso
4. Good Cadel
5. Syrup o’Figgo
Unfortunately, Contador is just unbeatable on the road… but chapeau to Frank and all others who are not picking him on principle… however, whilst I respect your stand, the VSP – in its cold, objective, quantitative view of the world – has a word for that: losers.
Come on Wiggo for the podium… would be so good.
VSP PICKS:
1. The Beefeater
2. Andy Schleckanical
3. Twiggo
4. Jurgen VdB
5. Horner
I can’t put Contador in my picks, even though he is favored. Gotta have some principles.
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Brad Wiggins
3. Cadel Evans
4. Chris Horner
5. Bobby Gesink
@frank
Frank, for sure this is not the right place to discuss that but we must never forget from other hundreds of “1st world” companies which used all the possible ways to make A LOT of money exploring the “3rd world”. Recently in Brazil we had a very nice example with Mercedes-Benz paying for a lobby so that Brazilian Congress does not aprove a harder emission standard laws for diesel (trucks and buses) engines. And latter you take an european magazine with that fancy ad from the new S-Class showing how “green” it is…amazing! There are no “Saints” in this world anymore…
You can all weep and moan at Thor, his hammer, wig, Wiggo parting the plebes, etc – but when in a ROMAN COLISEUM filled with sideshow freaks, I say do as the sideshow freaks do.
Lampre arrived in a queen’s carriage for Elton John’s sake!
http://pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=9461&status=True&catname=Latest%20News
@roadslave
My thoughts exactly. This isn’t points given for who your favorites are, it’s points given for who will ACTUALLY win. So for me, I pick who I think will win, not who I like the best.
I love how just about all of us here (at least those of us with any sense) know that the top two spots will be these two guys. So, it all comes down to two things – if you “Like” Contador and if you believe that A. Schleck has, what are we calling it, “Panache” (I just call it heart). I like Contador and I think El Grimpeur Joven no tiene cajones to win this race if Contador (Spanish beef or no Spanish beef) or any of these other picks who do, mind you, have panache to burn, are there to the finish. And sure, Basso is rested and Wiggins is looking sharp, but…yah. And Cuddles? Please. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride…
(…my oh my, this flame retardant suit is feeling a little snug on me…)
VSP PICKS:
1. Alberto Contador
2. Andy Schleck
3. Ivan Basso
4. Bradley Wiggins
5. Cadel Evans
And, just wanted to say that I’ve been thrilled to wear the A+ jumper this week! I feel honored.
I’m a proud member here & I really do feel a sense of community, however virtual it might be. Love the write-ups, love the banter, and the VSP makes the races that much more exciting.
Happy Canada Day, happy July 4th!
I’ve got numerous reasons to celebrate:
1) Le Tour commences tomorrow!
2) my LOOK has been recabled! (some new tape & I’ll be rollin’ in style)
3) holiday weekend
4) in the A+ (or whatever the proper name is) jumper
5) It is the VMH’s birthday on Monday…yep, easy to remember that one for an American!
VSP PICKS:
1. Cuntador
2. A. Schleck
3. Cadel
4. Basso
5. Gesink
@Oli
I might have to downgrade you from “Oli-Wan Kenobi” to “Oli-Jar Binks”!
This was a tough one. The top five is packed. I want Horner up there more than Levi. I originally put down Cadel to win, but I don’t know. I think the double is going to happen.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Cadel Evans
3. Andy Schleck
4. Gesink
5. Levi Leipheimer
Two reasons I wish I could choose Horner. 1) He is always smiling.
and 2)
Will be a competitive race this year with the tough Alp stages.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutador
2. Andy Schleck
3. Basso
4. Hesjedal
5. Cunego
@Erik
I love the derailleur flapping in the breeze and the blood-tinged quad.
I have no idea this year. No Contador on the top spot, Gesink in the yellow jersey which Andy will take later. Evans and Basso make the podium complete. Now just hoping it will not make me look like an idiot later.
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy
2. Robert
3. Alberto
4. Cadel
5. Ivan
@roadslave – twiggo in 3rd!? Chapeau for patriotic faith in the syrup! Blind faith is powerful brothers. Had my second ever ride in the V kit yesterday. Felt harder, felt stronger for no other reason than faith. Rule V kiddos.
VSP PICKS:
1. Bertie
2. Grimp Jr
3. Basso
4. Good Cadel
5. Syrup o’Figgo
VSP PICKS:
1. Cadel
2. Contador
3. Vino
4. Andy
5. Wiggins
Forgot about basso!
VSP PICKS:
1. Cadel
2. Contador
3. Basso
4. Andy
5. Vino
Even though my brain tells me Contador will win, I can’t stand him and will not pick him. So, having thrown away the competition, it’s on to picking the riders I like.
VSP PICKS:
1. A. Schleck
2. Horner
3. Evans
4. C Vandevelde
5. Gilbert
@Rose City Rolleur
Dont get me wrong i think the bloke needs a swift uppecut followed by cleat to the nads! but even with a flat at the base of a mountain, crash on a decent etc cuntador would still likely chase back to the lead group. He’s that juiced up… i mean he’s that good. its a shame someone of his talent is such a douchebag!
I think Cuddles takes step 2 over Grimplette based on a bit more attacking savvy and pure desire. The last two are a roll of the dice honestly but I think Wiggo has a better team for the TTT than Cunego, and I just have to be patriotic for #5.
VSP PICKS:
1. El Steakelero
2. Cuddles
3. Grimplette
4. Wiggo
5. Weight of a Nation
As usual, I got nothing. Somehow Schleck has to pay for his shit time trialing. My picking Berty means he won’t win. You’re welcome.
VSP PICKS:
1. steakelero
2. cuddles
3. twiggo
4. ryder
5. horner
Eyes down…look in!
VSP PICKS:
1. Grimplett
2. Contadorable
3. Guessink
4. Cuddles
5. Van den Broeck
Yeaaa I’m the lantern rouge…just like in RL!!
@frank
Basso? These aren’t the picks you’re looking for…
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenbutador
2. Basso
3. Grimplette
4. Good Cadel
5. Horner
@frank
Oli-Jar Binks appears to be attempting a fingerbang but is sadly missing the critical philange to execute.
This evolutionary trait is common to cartoon charactors, aliens and our friends across the ditch.
Proper fingerbang execution here
VSP PICKS:
1. Evans
2. Contador
3. Basso
4. Sanchez
5. Gesink
Echoing Marko, many here have displayed panache with their picks, following principle and heart, not yielding to the bloodless rationale of probabilistic logic. More Kirk than Spock.
Panache was removed along with my tonsils as a young boy, and while I had a week of eating ice cream, one never really recovers.
And thus, once more unto the breach…
VSP PICKS:
1. Abierto Cantbardadoor
2. Anton “Andy” Schlekhov
3. Evans Cant Wait
4. Levi Lifetimer
5. Bratty Wiccans
AKA Clenbutador.
VSP PICKS:
1. Simple Jack
2. Andy
3. Cuddles
4. Horner
5. Sanchez
Change up!
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. A. Schleck
3. Evans
4. Horner
5. Wiggins
Can Horner really sneak in with this crowd? Hard to imagine…
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy S.
2. Alberto C.
3. Cadel Evans
4. Chris Horner
5. Brad Wiggins
OK, Velominati tip: It appears the “all access” Tour pass on versus.com doesn’t enable you to “all access” the content on the mobile app. IOW, you pay$30 to get the content online on your computer, but then must pay an additional $15 to access *that same content* on the mobile app on your iPhone. And yes, it appears you must pay the $15 again to get that same content on your iPad as well. SO, “all access” is more like “this access and we’re not real clear what that is at this moment.”
Someone send the Badger to kick some sense in to these fuckwads. Merckx dammit.
Are points scored each day or only on the last podium in Paris?
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Andy Schleck
3. Van De Broeck
4. Cadel Evans
5. Horner
@bkwentz
Standings are updated daily based on GC but no points awarded until Paris. However, check back on key stages for bonus intermediate VSP’s.
Not too proud to defend my high position in the Superprestige with a Contador FTW pick. More excited to see Gilbert trade his drie kleur for the maillot in week one.
VSP PICKS:
1. Clenberto Clenbutador
2. Schleck le Jeune
3. Juergen see me on the podium
4. Cuddles
5. Gesink
This is totally not fun or to put it another way this is really fun because aside from the Spanish finger bang dude it is any ones race. Good luck all.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. A. Schleck
3. Basso
4. Leipheimer
5. Gesink
Not really anyones race. I can think of nine guys fron Radio Shack that won’t podium for instance.
Why does everyone hate the worlds greatest grand tour rider ?
And what kid of meltdown will you all have when you find out Horner’s been doping?
;-)
@Steampunk
Now you’ve got me all messed up. I pretty much follow your VSP picks, and you’ve put both Frank and Andy in your Top V. I’ve done that all year with them and it’s been a disappointment. I wasn’t planning on putting Frank in. Merckx.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Andy
Me type pretty one day.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Andy S
3. Evans
4. Horner
5. Frank S
@pakrat
Never go full retard…. Brilliant!
@Oli
Says the guy who picked Cavendish and Philgerbt.
You know that’s going to haunt you forever, right?
good night every one. this will be my second Tour and I feel like is Christmas eve.
VSP PICKS:
1. A. Schleck
2. Cadel
3. Sanchez
4. F. Schleck
5. Ryder H.
@frank
I’m with you Frank. I got Basso in the #2 spot but I would love to see him win.
@frank
LOLOLOL
Speaking about riders, I was really next to pick David Millar as podium contender.
I was a fan at the times of “It’s Millar Time”, then there was the doping affair…
But after I met him in Milano this Spring, have a chat, a brief city ride and a photo portrait of us,
I like him as a cyclist more than before.
I’m reading his book and I like it, I think it’s a very honest story.
Deep down I’m probably going out on such a limb with Horner because I’d like for myself and the rest of the 40+ crowd to be able to live vicariously through a podium finish for him, but I think he’s got to be looking at this as his final shot for greatness before the window closes and will throw all caution to the wind. I see Levi, Klodi and Janez acting as a super domestiques toward the end of the race and turning themselves inside out to keep Horner in the mix for a podium spot.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Horner
3. Schleck
4. Sammy Sanchez
5. Cadel
@RedRanger
Bless you
+1 to Red Ranger
@Pedale.Forchetta
Your life always sounds so exciting mate! What an anecdote to casually drop in. Sweet. I likes him too. That book cover is a bit much, but I’ve been cracking up at him paying out wiggo recently.
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. Evans
3. Sanchez S
4. Schleck F
5. Van den Broeck