Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
@frank
JV sucks ass. Just saying. :)
@frank
And I did not pick JVDB or Horner either. Damn, it’s going to eb a long July VSP for me!
@Buck Rogers
Yes, he was, but they where held up.
@Buck Rogers
I think this plays into Contador’s hands TBH. No pressure, suck up whatever happens in the TTT then sit back and wait for Stage 12.
Well done to Cadel for turning the screw when he could though.
F Schleck was in that group, but didn’t have the balls or brains to do what Cadel did, or at least go with him. Surprised Vino wasn’t more prominent too. Nice effort by Cancellara though.
Damn, I thought Spartacus was going to put me into orbit
P Giblets – fuckin awesome, who cares what his hair is like – he’s the man
Oh well, there goes my predictable moment of fame – better get used to the back of the peloton again tomorrow evening….
SO much better than a prologue, especially with the spectator involvement, Clenbut may feel he is unlucky, but we all said, he ain’t got the team to keep him outta trouble, and this proves it – fart around at the back of the peleton and miss the bus when the donkey derby starts – commiserations Bertie!
….awesome – already done a screen dump and pasted my MJ on my son’s wall – he’s 8 and he reminded me that he doesn’t give a toss about cycling….
Also, just did my first 100 miler (apologies, 165km) today in glorious sunshine, and arrived home to get the Maillot Jaune into the bargain – I die a happy man!!
@Dr C
Bjarne Riis disagrees. He claims Clenbutador was in the front 15 or 20 of the peloton, and thinks the accident was neither Albertos or the team fault…
Just noticed they are showing the stage one tape delay on NBC here in the states. Can’t remember the last time they showed a stage same day on mainstream U.S. television that wasn’t the final stage. Especially one without Lance in the peloton. It will be good for casual fans to see such a great race and learn who Gilbert is.
@Marko
I’ve got a pair of the Yellow Princesses. BEST.SHOES.I’VE.EVER.HAD. And everyone who knows me thinks Mavic named them the Yellow Princesses ’cause that’s what I call them. You should at least get a lifetime supply of shoes. One new pair every January. So says I.
@Marko
Was talking to my dad, who doesn’t follow bike racing too much yesterday, about the Tour of Utah stages (we’re natives), and he was bitching about prologues. I agreed.
@frank
I wouldn’t give him two demerits. Overall, the kit looks great. If the side panels on the bibs were the same color, it would better though.
@Marko
New shoe time is fast approaching, I’ll have to give Mavics a try. Hopefully, they sell them in something other than yellow. I avoid yellow on the bike, other than a Spam (the food) jersey, which is clearly not a maillot jaune.
tasty beginning, but call me old fashioned I like a prologue, especially when it’s pissing with rain and the parcours is like an ice rink. I can’t believe I’m 102nd!!!
@Collin
@Jeff in PetroMetro
They’re like V-slippers. I’m too lazy to embed a pic right now Collin and pics make the VSP load slower but, they do make them in white and they have a similar model in black. Go try some on. I’d be surprised if you didn’t buy some.
@zalamanda
You do have a point.
Does its me or team leopard trek just seems to give away wins to Gilbear like its some 5cents candies. Sure Spartacus is not that good in the sprint but he is still a powerhouse, he didnt even tried to cut him off. Seriously as much as Belgium will hate it, i just see Gilbear announcing that he is going to Leopard-trek, which in the same time, will help a lot L-T to get a couple more sponsor and have a truly all-round superstar team with Gilbear and Spartacus crushing everything in the classics and then helping out the Schlecklette in the grand tour on more rolling stage ( for Gilbear) and flat stage and TT with Spartacus. So yeah, still confident with my vsp for this year and we could alot of interesting stuff happen right after the tour.
@Godsight
It’s you. jk. The finish there was steeper than it looked on TV thats why the Fabalicious one sat up. When you see them standing and the cadence was quite low it’s a good indicator that it was much harder than it looked. Now with Andy back in the 6 second group and Wiggo too all we need is for Saxo to lose say another half minute tomorrow and this TDF will get very exciting in the mountains. Perfect.
@zalamanda
OK…You’re old fashioned. Now I’m off to make one!!
Congrats Dr C on the century.
billy idol is belgian?
apparently so.
@paolo, absoulutely! The 6 tic group needs to slam the TTT tomorrow and bury the Bertie!
Ridiculous Rule #5 alert.
From Velonation
De Gendt was taken to hospital after the stage. The Belgian, who has been one of the best riders in his first season with the team with stage victories in Paris-Nice and the Tour de Suisse, was diagnosed with a fracture to the top of his right collarbone and dislocation of both thumbs.
Despite these injuries though, the 24-year-old will start the team time trial tomorrow afternoon.
Just when I thought the bloke couldn’t get more v…
Update on the iPad app… It’s a bit of a damp squib…. Short clips of various moments, but no ability to watch, say, the last 10k in one pop…. Hope it gets better.
@Sprider
Steady…I come to praise bertie not to bury him!!
I want to see fireworks in the mountains..after that I am quite happy with whomever wins!
Could somone else watch that first crash in slomo about 50 times and tell me the Astana rider didn’t lean out and hit the spectator on purpose…..
It looks to me like he tries to steer his bike left to go around her, but leans his body to the right in the process. If you’re going to stand on the pavement, while the peloton passes, you better pay some attention. 100% her fault, in my opinion…
@paolo
very conciliatory, but won’t it be awesome if the Spanish Flea has to knock his crap in up the hills with a 2 or 3 minute deficit, instead of only a little gap – suffer baby suffer!
@paolo
only watched it about 20 times, but it was a completely stoopid bit of spectating – note sure if it was a man or a woman – “she” looked like about 6ft 4in and 17 stone, with a ridiculous wig – maybe a Cervelo bowling ball plant – I am sure in time the conspiracy theorists will have a ball with this one
@Godsight
Oh man, I can’t take anymore – I may have to get a Leotard Schleck duvet cover and pillow set if that happens
@all(North America)
are you guys seriously only getting fragmented token coverage of le Tour? That’s unbelievable in this day of endless cable/ satellite TV – very welcome to come round my gaffe and watch it – would give me an excuse to spend the whole day at it, rather than pretending to be gardening whilst watching it through the lounge bay window….
sorry, just can’t stop posting, love my yellow jersey so much (told you I was attention seeking)
come on Saxo Slow in the TTT!!
Leotard Schleck Duvet covers and quick step pillows and mattresses…zzz…
Nice TTT piece on CN.
http://www.cyclingnews.com/features/feature-2001-a-team-time-trial-odyssey
It’s got Jens and Stuey in it… and (cough) Vaughters.
Bam! That’s an opener. 1m 20 will just be like waving a red steak in front of bertie. He’ll be back. Gilbert for a stage 4 win, methinks, though the chinmeister looks on song.
Quite Frankly, the thing I’m most disappointed about in regards to all this is that no one has pointed out the stage winner’s egregious Rule #8 violation. I think disqualification and a life ban should result at the very least, but I don’t think I’m overstating things when I say that death would really be the best and fairest outcome.
Samuel Sanchez lost 1 20 as well.
What is Contador wearing just under his neck on his back? Some sort of fairing?
Noval is out. Weird, Noval is rather a good timetrialler.
@Oli
If you are retrying to Gilbert then that’s not his only rule violation. And though his hair is not a rule violation it’s still a fail.
Saxo Bank was fast. Euskaltel not so.
Rabobank on the first time measure: FAST.
My predicted top 3 now:
1 Rabobank
2 HTC
3 Garmin-Cervelo
@RedRanger
As an ex-bottle blonde myself, I disagree. I reckon Gilbert is pulling off the whole look magnificently, and by the time he’s won this Tour everyone will be dying their hair and mismatching their saddle to bar tape.
Sky, Garmin-Cervelo, Lotto
Maybe mismatching your hair to your eyebrows is like mismatching your saddle to bar tape. External consistency and all that.
Thor has a great chance of going three-for-three on Rule #15 violations, if he gets the Maillot Jaune today…
Then he just needs not to have any racejerseys when the ITT comes and he’ll go four-for-four
I was wrong. Despite not looking great at the last bit, Garmin is the fastest.
Tom Boonen, get yourself in a aerodynamic position goddamnit.
According to Jørgen Leth, Belgian television interviewed Gilbert yesterday and asked him when he was certain that he had won. “This morning”…
@JesperXT
Nice one J-Xt. Its one thing to aim for a win like that and another to pull it off after 170km and that field. He made a great move.
And welcome.
I am really enjoying this Tour already it has so much potential for seat of the pants spectating!
I just noticed that NBC bought Versus, which is, in some ways, good because it means that now NBC is airing a load of cycling footage. Popped over to their site, though, and noticed that there is some video on fucking BONO listed higher on the page than cycling-related videos.
Hard to imagine that Bono is more relevant to the sporting world than the Tour.
Eisel just crashed, big bummer for him, unless they wait for him, he’s riding alone. With a 6 minute buffer for elimination, that’s a bitter pill right there.
Anyone else think it’s weird that there is a time limit for individual riders on the team time trial? I understand why it’s there, but it seems to be that an event focussed on the team should really focus on the team and forget about the times on the individuals. In any case, sucks for Bernie.
@JesperXT
NIce one.
Here goes Leopard! GO GO GO!!