Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
Would you Adam’n’Eve it, just discovered my gym has Eurosport on it’s screens on all the exercise machines! Fawesome
Timed to perfection – due to rain all week, so I’ll just have to shift my morning bike ride to a middle afternoon one and join in the sprint finish – there is a Merckx out there after all!!
@minion
+1
Awesome
@frank
All due respect, but that’s a pretty limited perspective. What about all the races within the race? The various jerseys not jaune, the team standings, etc. The perversion seems to only hold water if you don’t appreciate that a lot more is going on than one rider trying to win the overall…
@benjamin @Jeff in PetroMetro
This probably has as much to do with GarmVelo trying to pick the best “team” for the TdF. Farrar’s the sprinter, you can’t leave the rainbows at home, and I think they think they have legitimate GC aspirations between O Hesjedal and a yet uncrashed VDV. So, either you send a team to compete (and lose) with HTC in the sprints, or you diversify a bit. My sense is that Haussler was the probably the tenth man.
@Leroy
It’s a bit early to start talking about Herculean comebacks; I expect Contador could still make up five minutes in a single stage if necessary (there’s a steak for that). For all the media attention and apparent hand-wringing, we haven’t actually seen him perform poorly: bad luck on the crash and a fairly decent TTT. You can bet he won’t ride shoulder to shoulder with Andy this year, though.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
All part of the mind games, my friend. If you’re worrying about sticking to my wheel (and have you seen my VSP placing?””mine is probably the wrong wheel), every little push is going to freak you out. And then: boom! I’m gone.
In actual fact, I was unable to post picks from my mobile device while in Finland, and had to e-mail them to Frank, who seems to have done a number on them and entered them all wrong (now that’s gamesmanship!). I had the Modfather doing the Dauphiné and TdF double (I jest””and thanks again, Frank).
@Steampunk
And if Haussler had been there New Zealand wouldn’t have only it’s second ever stage victory!
Cadel did a lot of work in that TTT – I wasn’t expecting that. Weird seeing him in that green suit! Awful really. And today he’s in the spots. I imagine he’s pretty happy not to have got yellow yesterday (too early?) but he’ll have to be a chance with all the uphill finishes this week.
Just saw Gutierrez checking the map…a bit unusual!
Haussler the 10th man? Does that make JVS the 11th? Embarrassment of riches.
The massive drag caused by all those safety pins poor Evans had to wear would definitely have cost him the Maillot Jaune…
I’m liking this new intermediate sprint setup. Definitely a bit of extra excitement mid race.
Does Delage (FDJ rider in break) have a European Posterior Man Satchel on his bike?
@Marko
Don’t be ridiculous! It’s just the power source for his secret motor.
@minion
@mouse
Oh, the prepositions. Oh, the conjunctions. Oh, the possibilities!
Happy 4th of July, Tyler! Now go get ’em!
45 minute pre work ride, a bit of Le tour and then off to work.
@Steampunk
Finland? Merckx. I can’t remember the last time I made it out of Texas. I love how global Velominati are. I live vicariously through each and every one of you. Unless you’re in Texas. I got that one pinned down. Hurry up, Buck Rogers. I don’t have another Velominati to ride with.
@Dr C
Zip it, DZ. Every little gain in performance counts. Now everyone in the peloton will bring his own pillow. Every wife and girlfriend in Europe is driving furiously back to the apartment to get pillows and bring them back. DHL is on fire flying pillows back from the U.S., AU, and NZ. Thanks, DZ. What’s next? Blankies? Teddy bears?
@Marko
Look more like the Di2 battery that the FDJ are riding on
Farrar on the Fourth! Gooo GarmVelo
Nice win for Farrar,,, but what happened to HTC?
AMERICA!!! FUCK YEAH!
Those pointers I gave T-Bone on our ride together last Fall really paid off. I was all like, “Dude, you just push harder on the pedals to go faster. Duh.”
Happy Fourth, bitches.
That was awesome. I guess that answers the who will lead out who question. Good work Tyler. America, fuck yea!
Great job Farrar Fawcett! Cav is a Chav. Is the bike lean/headbutt all you got!?
Well done, Tyler! Happy Independence Day!
Is anyone on earth more happy than JV right now?
@benjamin
I was none too pleased with GarVelo’s performance this past Spring. But maybe it was all just a ruse for JV’s greater plans. Way to go, GarVelo!
How cool is it to follow rainbows in the train? The God of Thunder has come back to my good graces.
Re: the TTT; great comments from everyone (though I might have missed some). Don’t get me wrong – I love the TTT, it’s possible the most beautiful event and there’s no other time you can see so many riders working together so flawlessly (hopefully). I understand the historical significance of the event and why the organizers have it there.
Maybe it’s my over-developed Gallileoan love for symmetry, but I maintain that it’s a confusion of what the event is about to include a purely team stage in a race that is about individuals. (@Steampunk, this is still true in every sub-events, except the team classification, which I also believe is possible the lowest-regarded competition in the event, aside from possibly the most aggressive rider award.)
Having an event that affects the individual GC based solely on the performance of the team is a confusion of what role the team really plays in this race.
Oh, and absolutely, we should have stages go over the cobbles, just like we should have more long ITTs and stages over mountains and hills and flats.
tyler’s win is a pretty cool way to start celebrating the 4th. but, cav and thor’s regulation during the intermediate sprint is simply unnecessary. so cav and thor muscled each other a bit, big deal…it was good sprint, why must the tdf commissars always be such a group of debbie downers?
@Leroy
It’s Dissociative Identity Disorder. But it’s okay. You’ll never be alone. Inquiring minds want to know: Is it Troy or Leroy who has more V?
1. Gilbert
2. Vino
3. De Gendt
4. Hoogerland
5. Contador (just maybe, there could be a repeat of giro stage 8)
@heath
Totally agree. It was a one off and didn’t determine the outcome of the sprint plus it seemed more of a nudge than an attempt to knock Thor off his bike, not unlike when a rider pushes another in the back when they get a bit too close in the peloton.
@heath
Pretty spot on guess there, but I think Cadel will be mixing it up too. In a none too specific order I’d guess the Top 5 will include:
* Contador
* Cadel
* Gilbert
* Vino
* Horner
Riders will be out to show their hands at least a bit on the final climb. At least one top GC guy will go, which will then mean the rest will give it a go as well.
The CyclingNews headline is “Independence Day gift for Farrar.” ORLY? Sure didn’t look like a gift to me. Brits that write for that site still pissed about that…thing…we did 235 years ago.
@heath
From the Velonews:
The race’s director of competition, Jean-Francois Pescheux said:
“If we let this pass, in the sprint tomorrow there could be dozens of guys crashing and then people will be asking us, ‘why didn’t you act’?”
IOW, “We’re covering our asses.”
Ah finally purchased the NBC Tour Tracker, catching up on three days of racing!! Happy 4th fellow ‘mericans.
@eightzero
… what?
You really think so? Well, I suppose so, as you bothered to post it.
@Blah
??? Interesting. I think they may have moved on. Or they’re still mad at the Normans over 1066. Either way I’m pretty sure they’re over it.
That was a beautiful finish.
Awesome to see the World Champion Maillot Jaune leading out the sprint.
Conrats to Farrar winning his maiden TdF stage on the Fourth of July no less. (Cue patriotic fervour from the ‘mericans)
Cav, being Cav blaming everone else for his non-result. Seriously why complain about other sprinters being in the mix?
@eightzero.
No need to take offense.
As a canadian transplanted to Aus, i’ve found that the way things are phrased in the UK, Aus and NZ are subtly different enough to cause such confusion. Either that, or he was having you all as his rhetorical prison bitch.
@frank
I thought you were Dutch?
@Marcus
Yeah, but I hold a US Passport. While I self-identify more with my Dutch heritage than I do with my living in the US, after 35 years, those lines start to blur when the emotion starts flowing.
@minion
I think they’re still pissed at the Romans for bringing in all that infrastructure.
@eightzero
That was just the headline – probably written by the sub-editor, not the author of the article. As far as I could tell, the word gift doesn’t appear in the text.
Just be happy that your second-rate cycling nation got a win for once. And the correct English is “Brits WHO write for that site…”
@frank
No kidding. What have the Romans ever done for us? Bet the Brits mutter such diatribes every night before bed.
To quote Andy Borowitz: “1776: Americans declare independence from rule of English. 2011: Palin declares independence from rules of English.”
Tyler is from my state of Washington. You know…that place named for the General that rather had it out with General Cornwallis? Oh, and we didn’t name the capitol of the colonial territories Cornwallis DC. Just sayin’.
But it is kind cool trying to understand Brits speak. Rather like watching left handed people write. Makes sense if you pay close attention.
@eightzero
Given that countries like China Japan and the UK now own over half of the US public debt, which date will you guys use to start celebrating Dependance Day?
@Marcus
Such a confusing day for me. British expatriot. American citizen. I have gained independence from myself.
I think I will drink some tea and then jump in Boston Harbour. Just for a larf!
Good for Garmin and Tyler but if that idiot Roman Feillu hadn’t almost taken Cav out on the last corner it would have been very different. Let’s see what happens on Wednesday and Fridays flat sprint finishes. But before then we have a crackerjack finish tomorrow.
Until then let’s celebrate the 4th and drink to General Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier aka Marquis de La Fayette, without whom you would all be drinking tea, speaking the Queen’s English and driving on the correct side of the road.
chin chin.
I have no idea why that post is “@ marcus”. I’m intoxicated.
@paolo
Indeed – strange to see HTC lead out train getting it so wrong, flying off the front in a pretty disorganised fashion – as for Feillu, I think a breathalyzer test wouldn’t be out of order – didn’t hear Cav whinging yet, and if he was, he needs a slap – up to him and his team to get further off the front intact on a tight last corner
That said, nice to see Tyler getting the Big W up for Wouter at the end, albeit after taking avoiding action from the drunk driver with road rage and pedalling squares, swerving in from his right
Chapeau also to the Cofidis chap who did the perfect end over end into the barriers a few seconds earlier without breaking his glasses – wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t Feillu that flicked him over too
Sheesh, see you Americans with your unbridled Patriotism…..enjoy your moment
Cadel is going to upset some riders tonight. Gilbear’s gonna come up short me thinks.
I’m an Australian teacher of English who has been working at an American school for the last four years. It’s just weird how these (some of the ones I teach and work with (alright, a lot of them)) Americans are so sure they know how to speak and write English better than the English.
And yeh, I know the whys and wherefors and all that of differences, and I’m not bothered by them, but the homogeneous worldview of a lot of Americans leads to them being absoloutley sure that they are correct in every point of difference.
Makes for frustrating conversation.
Happy hangovers all.
Thor / Cav – that ruling is a joke. They’re going hell for leather to make the green an irrelevance at this rate.
Bertie will have loaded his guns with filet for today, he’ll be frothing bernaise at the chops to pull back some seconds. Good Cadel could do with a popeye moment afore the big stuff too – let’s hope he’s packed double spinach in his chinpiece!
Yep, nice to see Cadel in Green, only he won’t be, because Fast Phil will be in it – OLO looked to be having a rest day yesterday, so I expect my main man back in green tonight
Looked pretty inoccuous betwixt (English Word) Cav and Thor, and at least they binned them both, rather than one of them, but how is anyone supposed to protect their line…?
@Frank – I’ll have your Dutch Nationality if you have become an Amerikin and don’t want it anymore, much cooler to be Dutch