Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 La Vuelta a España
Spain is an awesome country. It has amazing scenery, culture, cities and chicas… oh, the chicas. Its football competition features the world’s best players, their national team are the reigning World Cup holders, and they boast world champions in tennis, Moto GP, Superbikes and Formula 1. They regularly kick the collective asses of France and Italy, and a lot of other European countries when it comes to bicycle racing, although most of their recent heroes have somewhat of a cloud hanging over them. So why does their Grand Tour hardly raise an eyebrow when compared to the other two big tours, and why the fuck do they still allow cowards on horses armed with poison darts to taunt and kill a beast as noble as el toro for ‘entertainment’?
I can’t really answer the last one, but the fact that La Vuelta is treated like the road racing equivalent of a red-headed stepchild is about as fair as the Corrida itself. To me, and to many pros, it is seen as a tour of redemption. Those who, for one reason or another, either due to bad luck, bad management or bad form suffered a less-than-stellar Tour de France, now get a chance to make something of their season and add a ‘major’ to their palmares. Riders like Jan Ullrich, who in 1999 took the amarillo jersey after sitting out Le Tour with a dicky knee. 2008 saw Contador make amends after his Astana team was prevented from starting le Grande Boucle under a doping cloud. In fact, La Vuelta and doping have more than a passing aquaintance, with Valverde winning while under a pending hearing in 2009, and of course little Robbie Heras getting stripped of his 05 title after an EPO positive. Last year wasn’t without its own scandal, with a positive for 2nd place ‘sensation’ Ezequiel Mosquera dragging La Vuelta’s name through the red dust again. It could well be the dirtiest tour of them all, a race that itself seeks atonement as much as those who race it.
This year’s edition has the same sense of redemption written all over it, with some of Le Tour’s unfortunates having a crack at it. There’s Wiggo, who was in the self-proclaimed form of his life before snapping his twig-like collarbone early on. Can he show us what he had promised on the roads of France in the Dauphine, or will the Spanish heat and steep, long climbs be too much for him? How about Jurgen Van den Broeck, also looking great before his own clavicle calamity ended his July. Invisible Denis will also be there, his Geox team considered not good enough for the Tour, out to show that he’s still a force and add to his two Spanish victories. Other battered old warhorses who will never give up easily are Andreas Klöden and Carlos Sastre, but father time may have finally taken its toll on this duo.
In reality, it’ll probably come down to the younger brigade made up of last year’s winner Vinnie Nibali, J-Rod, Scarponi, and Anton. It could be a blow-out, or one of the best races of the year. We may even get another drug controversy to keep up the status quo of years gone by. Whatever happens is anybody’s guess, which is why this race is one of the hardest to pick for VSP contenders, and one that might even be as exciting, vibrant and colourful as the country it traverses for three hot weeks.
So pour yourself a glass of Sangria, give the start list a long or glancing look, and post your picks before 5am Pacific time (yeah, I don’t know when the hell that is either…) and if you have any doubts, confusion or questions, head to the VSP page for clarification, rules and/or rebuttals. No horsing around, no bullshit.
Buena suerte!
@Dr C
Vive le Tour! It’s from 1962, Doc. Enjoy.
@Marcus
Yes and to be fair I had forgotten about Yates and was thinking more about Millar. But I still think Stephens is another level.
For a start there were 10 years between them in which time doping had gone from a random everyone-does-it affair (questionable as to whether it was even particularly performance enhancing in a physical sense) to an organised system of cheating turning donkeys into thoroughbreds.
Mainly though, apart from his laughable dog-ate-my-homework defence, he then went on to be involved with Armstrong, Caisse d’Epargne (Valverde), Liberty-Seguros (Manolo Saiz and Fuente) and Astana. Maybe he’s just incredibly good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time but as I said in relation to Cobo, the history of doping shows us that associations mean a great deal.
The fact that he’s in charge of the Australian U23 team at the Tour l’Avenir is beyond belief.
As for Rupert – the other Dirty Digger – NewsCorp doesn’t own BSkyB anyway, and thanks to the News of The World it’s unlikely that they ever will. Still if it makes Aussies happy to know that an American who renounced his citizenship 25 years ago is the 39% shareholder in the company that owns Sky cycling, then who am I to argue ;-)
@G’phant
What about a sub-VSP for fuckwits like myself who under no circumstances earn any points, where our VSP is not for the race, but to pick who will get the top five in the VSP itself?
I was good at this game when there were fewer people playing. Adding numbers has done nothing but prove that I haven’t got a clue. Which came as no surprise to my VMH, by the way.
@ChrisO
Whatever he may or may not have done in his racing career, I doubt the AIS would entrust U23s to his care unless they had good faith and trust in him. From what I know, Stevo is a tireless worker for cycling and not a dope pusher. How about saving the slurs and character assassinations for more proven targets?
Actually, say what you like. I’m being a dick.
@frank
A VSP derivative. That’s the sort of thinking that brought us CDOs and other exotic financial whizzbangery, and shortly thereafter the GFC. Are you trying to sabotage your own website?
@Oli
Why shouldn’t I question whether someone is a fit and proper person to be in charge of a national junior team ? (MY national junior team, as we established earlier).
I didn’t say he was a dope pusher. I pointed out (and I’m hardly the first) his long and uncanny association with teams and riders involved or suspected of doping. It’s bit rich to suggest I am making slurs when you’ve put the words into my mouth.
I may not like it but I accept that people like Stephens, Millar, Yates and others will be working in cycling. However I don’t think it amounts to character assassination to question what role they should be taking.
@Oli
Replies crossed. Yours was definitely more succint ;-)
@G’phant
Very insightful, and a frightening analogy – pull back on the reins Fronk before this all unravels
@ChrisO
Learn your cycling. Yates rode with Armstrong and was closely involved with him after that. Throwing the doping tarbrush doesn’t work in this sport. Most anyone of a certain age has a skeleton or two (as Brailsford has acknowledged). I admire Yates by the way. But lose the holier than thou attitude – Stephens was one of the good guys.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Nibali
2. Anton
3. J-rod
4. Scarponi
5. Menchov
@ChrisO
Just by way of clarification, by “dope pusher” I more meant in the philosophy sense than the actual.
I’ve brought “the stuff”, am I late for the paaarty?
Looks like I am, by the couple of extra minutes research I did. FML
For the record:
Wiggins
Froome
Menchov
Mollema
Van Den Broeck
Lame party anyway…
@Dr C
Sur la plaque is indeed a state of mind but as you said the other day, there is also the need to ride yourself into a climb. As it went on, I stopped wondering how much further, started to pedal with a good deal more grace and my breathing relaxed. I the last few hundred metres were sur la plaque in both senses.
Rode yesterday morning, tapas and beach in Chipiona, flew home with the leprechaun O’Leary last nigh and back at work in a wet and windy London this morning.
How did you know about my Rule #33 violation?
@Ron
Absolutely. An white or black are better than the ugly gray I had before. Amazing how all of these bits end up mattering mentally. When under duress, the mind is a strange animal.
@Chris
Rule #33 – sadly I fear, much as we still only sport grey urchins rather than black, the ultimate commitment, comparable to that of a Kamikaze pilot in the Pacific, the shaving of the guns, is just a little beyond us yet – that said, I may pack the Phillips Ladyshave for the trip to the Pyrenees next year, for a sort of Grasshopper moment at the top the Tourmalet (secretly hoping I won’t find a power socket up there….)
Is it me or did the commentators on Eurosport just accuse one of the riders of breaking the rules of the Velominati by having socks that were too long??!!
@Dr C
Just a little tip. If you’re gonna shave the guns, stay away from ladies razors or (Merckx forbid) disposables. Gillette Mach 3 Turbos, and good shaving cream. Trust me on this one sir.
One other thing I learned the hard way: Nair is horrible. Super burn followed by a day of intense itching. And, it doesn’t take the hair off (dudes anyway).
@Marcus
Don’t patronise me. If you aren’t capable of having a discussion without getting personal then forget it.
I thought this forum was slightly above that, but evidently not.
@ChrisO @Marcus @Oli
Yayayayayaa chaps, WTF, less of the handbags if you please – I was enjoying that chat until you all got snotty
I need this little “corner of the bar with my mates” to keep me sane during the working day, don’t let’s spoil it with huffs and tantrums
Flicking peanuts is all good fun, but let’s not spill the pints
Enough – kiss and make up
@scaler911 – not sure which fills me with more fear, the Trans Pyrenee certain death bike odyssey in June, or getting the kit off my legs
– I’m clearly not ready yet, as I still giggle and snigger like a child at the thought of it, and wonder if I shaved them, who would notice (pretty sure my VMH wouldn’t, unless the shower tray clogged) – this is clearly not the attitude one should have before such an rites of passage act – damn, even a dedicated Muslim fundamantlymentalist only does it on the eve of the bomb run (none intended) – no, I must prepare myself in mind and spirit before undertaking such an act – until such times, best you ignore my childish tittering on the subject
I shall of course publish fervently on the matter when t’is done
@scaler911
+1. I absoloutely concur. ps keep a seperate blade for your legs..don’t mix ’em up. My legs tend to blunt a razor rather more quickley than my face.
Do it Doc..do it!!
@Marcus
……actually Marcus, that did sound a bit patronising
@paolo
you’re only saying that, coz you want me to admit my wife didn’t notice
time
@Dr C
What’s funny is my VMH (who is not a cyclist, but still qualifies), loves the shaved legs. And, it’s always fun when the women folk comment on how my legs are nicer than theirs, what with all the KM’s in the guns, along with the tan from all the time out baking in the sun. Have a couple pints, and ‘get er done’!
Missus Cyclops just commented yesterday how good the guns look all shaved up and tan (mine, not hers. She’s a ginger so there’s no tan going on with her guns).
@Dr_Death
They should. Wiggins and Cobo seem to be in competition for the red jersey and the most ugly long socks in the peloton. Valverde has/had his issues, but damn, his socks were perfect. He could teach a class on sock etiquette.
While I’m bitchin’, Why didn’t Sky reconnoitre the Angliru? Really? The steepest climb, potentially the decisive point of the race and they basically over gear. Always better to have a sprocket (or two) in reserve than to top out. Sram make a nice wee 36 chainring.
That’s true, what does a fan of boat shoes know about fashion, especially on the bike. Not much.
@Dr_Death
Indeed. Didn’t catch the name of the rider, but if anybody is looking for it at 53.3k to go (when I was supposed to be writing a lecture) they dropped a casual rule violation on somebody for the long socks. F-ing brilliant.
@ChrisO, @Marcus, @Oli
Girls, girls! You’re all pretty! Especially you, Oli, you magnificent creature, you!
Based on the fact that this conversation is taking place between an Aussie, a Brit, and a Kiwi, I think this is going rather well, by the way.
Let’s remember that doping is/has been a huge part of cycling. No one is beyond suspicion while simultaneously, we know the testing is poor enough that unless someone has admitted it, they are not known to be guilty. Everything else is conjecture and loads of fun to speculate about, but we’re all just spinning theories that are really just based on assumption, association, implication, and guessing, and loud voices. Which is seemingly what Al Gore invented the Internet for in the first place.
@Joshua
Since no one delivered last time, I’ll offer it up again: free symbol pack to whomever gets me the audio or video.
@Dr C
Hah, I’ve worn the stripey jersey and really want it back!
@frank
Jeez, I reckon. You’re getting off lightly, I feel like you lot haven’t been introduced properly.
Lads, this is Marcus (ducks covers head and runs)
Marcus, this is everyone else.
Compared to some of the things Marcus has said about me, and other Kiwis, I’m getting all nostalgic for that time when we had a quaint disagreement about cycling. Carry on.
The reason I retracted and dick-called myself is that I think ChrisO is mainly right, and I realised my post came out a lot more aggressive than I intended anyway. I wasn’t trying to insult him or start a flame war. Sometimes the nuance of thought gets bludgeoned by the hammer of plain text.
I think it was Cobo that was getting slagged…. Can’t find the footage though!
I’m a day late and a dollar short as usual. Robust conversation is a given round here, much along the lines of I can disagree with what he says but defend his right to say it blah blah.
Fcken hell the VMH must be addling my brain if I’m sticking up for Marcus. I’m off for a lie down.
Back to the Vuelta, to be honest I’ve seen so far no more than 5 minutes of footage…
Definitely not my stage race.
@Pedale.Forchetta
I’m with you, mate – I just can’t seem to get myself excited about this race. I watch it when I can, but it’s just not anything compared to the Giro or Tour.
@ChrisO
If I offended you, it was unintended – sometimes I just get lucky.
@Minion
I feel dirty when we are on the same side of a discussion. Please desist, you filthy sheep-fucking grease monkey.
(Note to Chris – the above is an example of an intentionally insulting comment from me)
@Oli
Merci bien – poor old no 20!!
@Marcus
S’all right, after the All Blacks humiliate your nappy wearing rugby team in the world cup and your nation realises that men’s netball is actually your ideal sport thing’s will be back to normal.
@minion
I am a Victorian. We are only vaguely interested in rugby when Australia wins.
@Marcus
That might have earned you your second stint in the V++ badge. Exceptionally strong work.
@frank
Ha!! Holy shit dude. Good stuff right there!
@Oli
I’m stealing this line from you. It is perfection and grace.
@Dr C
Huh?
Not sure what I did to earn the wrath of the Doc. No one cried foul when I subbed for Wiggins and Mollema on rest day #1, but now subbing for Cobo is a sh*t flinging offense?
Just to be safe I did some hill repeats on my lunchtime ride…but I think I may have enjoyed it a little too much.
So is the whole Aussi, Kiwi thing a bit like a brother or something? You give them endless shit about sheep and ‘real’ football (rugby, I do enjoy that sport), pretend to hate each other, but would kick someone else’s ass for insulting one or the other? Or is it more of a Israel/ Palestine kinda thing? Just wondering.
@scaler911
Probably a brother thing. Till those fuckers invade then it’s on like donkey kong.
@frank
I can’t help but feel slightly responsible for that. In a Baldrick/Blackadder kinda way.
@LA Dave
Yeah, I’m not sure what that was all about. I have a high overall position to concern myself with. I’m hardly in a position to indulge principaled arguments.