Categories: Awesome Swiss GuysRacingThe Hardmen

WWSD

What will Spartacus do?

When it comes to hardmen, there aren’t many tougher than this guy. That he manages to mix massive amounts of V with similarly massive amounts of Casual Deliberation only serves to heighten the man-crushes of a bunch of older, fatter, balder men who see a visage of Spatacus looking back at us in the mirror every time we don lycra. We wish we could be him.

So I put myself into the mind of Fabs after his huge crash/broken back/ride anyway/forced to retire sequence the other day. The guy has had a lot of bad luck over the last few years, and as he gets to the twilight of his career, decisions need to be made. What Will Spartacus Do? Well, I don’t know, but I do know what Spartacus should do.

The only way for Faboo to go out is thus:

Take a break in the sun, drink rum, heal the injury and ride a scooter without a helmet. Try not to fall off.
Work off the fat from all the Mojitos and get training again.
Target the World Champs road race and win the bloody thing.
Look completely awesome in the rainbow bands (with black shorts) and win Lombardia.
Have a rest over winter, then train for one last Classics campaign.
Win Het Volk, E3, the Ronde and Roubaix while looking awesome in the bands.
Retire on the velodrome with a cobble in hand.
Un-retire. Break the Hour Record.
Replace fucking Jens on whatever commentary team I had to put up with listening to his shit the other night.

Shouldn’t be too big an ask.

Brett

Don't blame me

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View Comments

SteelCamp says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:02 pm

Well, Phil, Jens, Bob, if you're reading this I think you're doing a great job.
frank says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:05 pm

@SteelCamp

Well, Phil, Jens, Bob, if you’re reading this I think you’re doing a great job.

Seconded, and for what it's worth, my opinion is the only one that matters. (And yours is also helpful, @SteelCamp)
frank says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:09 pm

@Mikael Liddy

I wax & wane when it comes to Faboo, when you see things like the other night there’s no end in sight to the man crush, but then he comes out whining about race conditions (see wet cobbles last year) and I begin to doubt myself again…

I wax more than I wane on Fabs. He does show some moments of weakness, but I think they are most done at gunpoint when it comes down to career-limiting comments that he has to undo. The Rainy cobbles is a classic example; he talked some trash, he didn't win, his team leader lost heaps of time, and then he had to do what he had to do in order to have a 2015.

I mean, sure, I wish it wasn't like that but we all know how brutal business is and Cycling is - sadly and thankfully - a business.
frank says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:12 pm

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

Well, someone's gone straight to his own head, hasn't he. I've heard you speak, it's not as impressive as you think.

As someone who's done a load of public speaking in front of large audiences I will offer this observation: how it sounds in your own head while watching a video in a room alone or with some friends is a little different than how it comes out under the scrutiny of a live audience.

I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.
Jay says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:29 pm

@frank

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

Well, someone’s gone straight to his own head, hasn’t he. I’ve heard you speak, it’s not as impressive as you think.

As someone who’s done a load of public speaking in front of large audiences I will offer this observation: how it sounds in your own head while watching a video in a room alone or with some friends is a little different than how it comes out under the scrutiny of a live audience.

I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.

There is a certain comfort level when listening to Phil and Paul. They have been commentators for the US broadcasts for so long that it will seem unnatural when they are no longer doing them, despite any perceived flaws. They are commenting on a bicycle race, not providing ground control for Apollo 13.
unversio says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:59 pm

@frank

I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.

40 year career as a cycling journalist and commentator -- “My heart was in cycling, but I was racing against Eddy Merckx and I was nowhere in his class. I thought, ‘If I can't be the very best, maybe I should take a job as a journalist.’ So I did.” - Phil Liggett

The guy has merit -- and he's smart.
Oli says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:06 pm

@Mikael Liddy

No offence, but it's mainly his accent. Also, he is so monotone I find it hard to engage with what he's saying. In his favour he seems quite knowledgeable, but he just grates on me I'm afraid.

I'm no Phil and Paul fan these days - way too many fundamental errors and sadly well past their use-by date - but the tone and timbre of their voices are at least tolerable, and I can still enjoy screaming corrections at the screen. If Keenan is mainly right factually then all I can complain about is his voice...

As for commentators I like, Dan Lloyd, Sean Kelly (when he's not mumbling incoherently), Matt Stephens and David Millar are the best of the current crop in my opinion.
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:11 pm

@frank

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

Well, someone’s gone straight to his own head, hasn’t he. I’ve heard you speak, it’s not as impressive as you think.

As someone who’s done a load of public speaking in front of large audiences I will offer this observation: how it sounds in your own head while watching a video in a room alone or with some friends is a little different than how it comes out under the scrutiny of a live audience.

I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.

I wasn't saying I have a good speaking voice... I'm Australian FFS, I'm cursed with the worst accent on earth. I meant that at least I can identify a rider in a bike race. Something Phil has lost the knack for, even if he was good at it 20 years ago. Time for him to leave.
Matt says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:15 pm

Ok ok that's all well and good but I could listen to King Kelly comment on Le Tour all day on the EuroSport streams I've been clogging up the office bandwidth with.
frank says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:19 pm

@Jay

@frank

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

Well, someone’s gone straight to his own head, hasn’t he. I’ve heard you speak, it’s not as impressive as you think.

As someone who’s done a load of public speaking in front of large audiences I will offer this observation: how it sounds in your own head while watching a video in a room alone or with some friends is a little different than how it comes out under the scrutiny of a live audience.

I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.

There is a certain comfort level when listening to Phil and Paul. They have been commentators for the US broadcasts for so long that it will seem unnatural when they are no longer doing them, despite any perceived flaws. They are commenting on a bicycle race, not providing ground control for Apollo 13.

Exactly; I can't separate cycling from the voice of Phil Ligget, and I love him for it. And he embraced Paul as a partner which says all you need about his character.