When it comes to hardmen, there aren’t many tougher than this guy. That he manages to mix massive amounts of V with similarly massive amounts of Casual Deliberation only serves to heighten the man-crushes of a bunch of older, fatter, balder men who see a visage of Spatacus looking back at us in the mirror every time we don lycra. We wish we could be him.

So I put myself into the mind of Fabs after his huge crash/broken back/ride anyway/forced to retire sequence the other day. The guy has had a lot of bad luck over the last few years, and as he gets to the twilight of his career, decisions need to be made. What Will Spartacus Do? Well, I don’t know, but I do know what Spartacus should do.

The only way for Faboo to go out is thus:

  • Take a break in the sun, drink rum, heal the injury and ride a scooter without a helmet. Try not to fall off.
  • Work off the fat from all the Mojitos and get training again.
  • Target the World Champs road race and win the bloody thing.
  • Look completely awesome in the rainbow bands (with black shorts) and win Lombardia.
  • Have a rest over winter, then train for one last Classics campaign.
  • Win Het Volk, E3, the Ronde and Roubaix while looking awesome in the bands.
  • Retire on the velodrome with a cobble in hand.
  • Un-retire. Break the Hour Record.
  • Replace fucking Jens on whatever commentary team I had to put up with listening to his shit the other night.

Shouldn’t be too big an ask.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @frank

    Exactly; I can’t separate cycling from the voice of Phil Ligget, and I love him for it. And he embraced Paul as a partner which says all you need about his character.

    He also embraced Pharmy and covered for him for all those years. That says all I need about his character.

  • @Oli a reasonable point, but not knowing how much exposure you guys across the ditch get to him, I do wonder whether that might be down to him being the warm up act for PnP tasked with covering the first hour or so of the TdF coverage before things tend to get exciting (generalising I know).

    From a commentary point of view, his ability to pick riders correctly is something he's said he prides himself on, and against the backdrop of PnP he's a very  refreshing change. Being an Aussie, SBS use him for the majority of their spring classics coverage, calling the race out of a tiny sound studio in Sydney, relying on the same pictures being broadcast on the worldwide feed. His calls of the two Milan-San Remos prior to this year were unbelievable in regard to knowing which black Gabba-clad rider was which.

    He's also ridiculously approachable via social media, happy to engage just about anyone when it comes to cycling related queries & very ready to explain positions he takes (or needs to take) when broadcasting as opposed to just bollocking anyone who might criticise him.

  • @frank

    @brett

    @SteelCamp

    But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

    Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

    And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

    Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

    Well, someone’s gone straight to his own head, hasn’t he. I’ve heard you speak, it’s not as impressive as you think.

    As someone who’s done a load of public speaking in front of large audiences I will offer this observation: how it sounds in your own head while watching a video in a room alone or with some friends is a little different than how it comes out under the scrutiny of a live audience.

    I think we owe them all a lot of respect for paving a road long before internet video and live streaming was available, and for making themselves a element of the sport.

    Stop it,

    now you're just introducing logic and common sense into a discussion where at the start I was sure I still couldn't stand the P1 & P2 muppet show, shit I'm convinced that the four beers I had last night made me a better analyst of the sport, but now im not so sure I have an opinion either way.  I hate that !

    Now, after that's all said and done, my thoughts will do a complete about face after tonight's shit commentary again !

    Bring on Keeno full time

  • @Harminator

    @ChrisO

    Hope Tony Martin doesn’t go the same way as Cancellara. Bit of a curse on the yellow jersey this year.

    Also having slightly mixed feelings about Teklahaimanot. Nice for a young rider to get the polka dot jersey but bagging three minor bumps has the same points as winning on Mur de Huy? Get out of here…

    Agreed. Panzerwagon looked phucked at the finish but he’s total pro so might be precautions for a scan.

    Totally agree about TV coverage too. So dumbed down. Rarely get any decent insights from commentary and seldom speed and never power. All readily available to DS. Why not the audience.

    But I think it’s Paul Sherwen that has the gold mine.

    The mine may be Paul's, but I'm pretty sure I remember reading that both Aunty Phil & Mellow Johnny are pretty heavily invested in it.

  • @Mikael Liddy

    @Oli a reasonable point, but not knowing how much exposure you guys across the ditch get to him, I do wonder whether that might be down to him being the warm up act for PnP tasked with covering the first hour or so of the TdF coverage before things tend to get exciting (generalising I know).

    From a commentary point of view, his ability to pick riders correctly is something he’s said he prides himself on, and against the backdrop of PnP he’s a very  refreshing change. Being an Aussie, SBS use him for the majority of their spring classics coverage, calling the race out of a tiny sound studio in Sydney, relying on the same pictures being broadcast on the worldwide feed. His calls of the two Milan-San Remos prior to this year were unbelievable in regard to knowing which black Gabba-clad rider was which.

    He’s also ridiculously approachable via social media, happy to engage just about anyone when it comes to cycling related queries & very ready to explain positions he takes (or needs to take) when broadcasting as opposed to just bollocking anyone who might criticise him.

    100% agree, concur with the statements re the back in black MSR's, he was brilliant

  • If you're not streaming the French commentary of the race then are you really watching Le Tour at all?

  • @Minnesota Expat

    Absolutely gutted for TM. You could see the physical pain and emotional pain he was in, from the moment he hit the deck.

    But this was a nice image.

  • Oh dear, just watched the last km and if you need any further evidence of P&P incompetence...

  • @brett

    Oh dear, just watched the last km and if you need any further evidence of P&P incompetence…

    What, do you mean that they called it as Matteo Trentin ?

    Or that they didn't seem to realise there was no point looking at Sagan 50 metres back because Stybar (formerly a.k.a Trentin) was about to cross the line?

    Or was there some equally egregious error which I missed from yelling at the screen so much?

  • @ChrisO

    @brett

    Oh dear, just watched the last km and if you need any further evidence of P&P incompetence…

    What, do you mean that they called it as Matteo Trentin ?

    Or that they didn’t seem to realise there was no point looking at Sagan 50 metres back because Stybar (formerly a.k.a Trentin) was about to cross the line?

    Or was there some equally egregious error which I missed from yelling at the screen so much?

    Or that Uncle Phil thought that Stybar was Cav for a moment? Really? The finish was 100% not Cav's kind of finish, Cav is much shorter than Stybar and finally, I don't think Cav's ever worn RED shoes. I mean, it's just embarrassing that PL gets highly paid to swan about France and do such a piss poor job. Again, PL has become an institution to the point where his obvious failings are trumped by his fame. If he was a rookie and did a screen terst he'd be shown the door after 5 minutes.

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