Categories: Awesome Swiss GuysRacingThe Hardmen

WWSD

What will Spartacus do?

When it comes to hardmen, there aren’t many tougher than this guy. That he manages to mix massive amounts of V with similarly massive amounts of Casual Deliberation only serves to heighten the man-crushes of a bunch of older, fatter, balder men who see a visage of Spatacus looking back at us in the mirror every time we don lycra. We wish we could be him.

So I put myself into the mind of Fabs after his huge crash/broken back/ride anyway/forced to retire sequence the other day. The guy has had a lot of bad luck over the last few years, and as he gets to the twilight of his career, decisions need to be made. What Will Spartacus Do? Well, I don’t know, but I do know what Spartacus should do.

The only way for Faboo to go out is thus:

Take a break in the sun, drink rum, heal the injury and ride a scooter without a helmet. Try not to fall off.
Work off the fat from all the Mojitos and get training again.
Target the World Champs road race and win the bloody thing.
Look completely awesome in the rainbow bands (with black shorts) and win Lombardia.
Have a rest over winter, then train for one last Classics campaign.
Win Het Volk, E3, the Ronde and Roubaix while looking awesome in the bands.
Retire on the velodrome with a cobble in hand.
Un-retire. Break the Hour Record.
Replace fucking Jens on whatever commentary team I had to put up with listening to his shit the other night.

Shouldn’t be too big an ask.

Brett

Don't blame me

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View Comments

SteelCamp says:

Jul 9 2015 at 9:10 am

@davidlhill

:)
SteelCamp says:

Jul 9 2015 at 9:21 am

Here's a way we can all try to do it better: A game; Pro Cycling Manager 2015

http://store.steampowered.com/app/322850/
ChrisO says:

Jul 9 2015 at 9:50 am

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I've worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde - about 20 years out of date.

That's a professional, not cycling opinion.
ChrisO says:

Jul 9 2015 at 9:54 am

Hope Tony Martin doesn't go the same way as Cancellara. Bit of a curse on the yellow jersey this year.

Also having slightly mixed feelings about Teklahaimanot. Nice for a young rider to get the polka dot jersey but bagging three minor bumps has the same points as winning on Mur de Huy? Get out of here...
Harminator says:

Jul 9 2015 at 10:26 am

@ChrisO

Hope Tony Martin doesn’t go the same way as Cancellara. Bit of a curse on the yellow jersey this year.

Also having slightly mixed feelings about Teklahaimanot. Nice for a young rider to get the polka dot jersey but bagging three minor bumps has the same points as winning on Mur de Huy? Get out of here…

Agreed. Panzerwagon looked phucked at the finish but he's total pro so might be precautions for a scan.

Totally agree about TV coverage too. So dumbed down. Rarely get any decent insights from commentary and seldom speed and never power. All readily available to DS. Why not the audience.

But I think it's Paul Sherwen that has the gold mine.
SteelCamp says:

Jul 9 2015 at 10:27 am

@ChrisO

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I’ve worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde – about 20 years out of date.

That’s a professional, not cycling opinion.

I am open to being corrected
davidlhill says:

Jul 9 2015 at 10:45 am

@ChrisO

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I’ve worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde – about 20 years out of date.

That’s a professional, not cycling opinion.

Ah, ChrisO, my attempt at joshing with a newcomer clearly failed. I was primarily referring to his 'interacting with' bit, which implies riders, hence the correction. As far as I know barring you there aren't many riders here that ride at your level. I could very well be wrong.

Last time I did the "he be new around here" bit - worked better.

I'll consider myself admonished!
SteelCamp says:

Jul 9 2015 at 11:58 am

But if you're bashing someone from your computer chair who's shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect
unversio says:

Jul 9 2015 at 12:25 pm

@SteelCamp

@ChrisO

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I’ve worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde – about 20 years out of date.

That’s a professional, not cycling opinion.

I am open to being corrected

Don't attempt to use the term "meanies" within a semi-intelligent dialogue -- around us (period).
AJ says:

Jul 9 2015 at 12:42 pm

@frank

Can I just point out, for the record, that whatever you see in the mirror in no way reflects Faboo.

Just sayin’.

Also, I don’t understand the Phil/Paul hate; for me, those voices are Le Tour and the classics. As wrong as Phil is most of the time, it’s endearing how Paul corrects him with a little chuckle.

And how can anyone hate Jensie? He’s a legend, mad as a bag of cats, funny as shit, and too happy to matter in his commentary.

I might get hate, but I am going with @Frank on this one. Phil, Paul, and Bob Roll are the only cycling commentators I know, and they will probably be the ones I wax nostalgic about as I age. I am still a relative noob compared to most of you, I have only been doing this for 5 or 6 years, the first Tour I watched was 2012, this is the first year I have actually paid attention to the Giro, I just started watching classics last year, and I have never watched coverage of the Vuelta. I have never had a chance to hear any others, so I may not know any better, but all I really need from them is to tell me who is where and doing what. They do that just fine.

Like most things, the coverage of cycling in America will never reach the levels it has in Europe, but I won't complain. Listening to Phil and Paul is far better than the alternative of not being able to watch at all, and for that I am thankful.